The Let’s Dad! Great Gift Guide #1: Newborns
Friends just given birth? No hand-me-downs you can pass off as new? Can’t bear a trip to Tat ‘R’ Us? Fret no more: here are five winning gifts. (And a few websites to browse if they’re not quite what you’re after.)
If you want a mobile that glows fluorescent, chimes Boyzone’s Greatest Hits and has the cast of In The Night Garden dangling from its limbs, then f*ck off to Argos. If you want a mobile that’s simple, elegant and propelled by the breath of a dozing newborn, go with a Flensted.
It’s colourful, unpredictable and helps develop motor-skills. Much like a night in a ball-pool with a hermaphrodite. The latter would be an expensive and inappropriate gift for a newborn, so go for this mini-mobile instead.
Peace and quiet can come at a price. Fortunately, that price is around £12.99. These lullaby renditions of rock classics are essential during bedtime and long car journeys. If it fails to work, and their little poppet is still howling like a banshee, at least your friends will be tapping their toes to Bob Marley (or slitting their wrists to Radiohead.) Full review here…
Find a website (there are many), pick the garment, size and colour…and then simply insert the witty catchphrase from the canoeing holiday that ended up like Deliverance. Or just buy some iron-on inkjet paper and transfer a photo or two from that same trip onto an M&S babygrow. At least two people will find it funny.
According to Richmond-upon-Thames Social Services Department, a child ‘cannot officially be categorized as middle-class unless they own at least three Jelly Cat toys’. There you have it. You don’t want your friends’ little darling to be a chav do you?! DO YOU!?
Not convinced? Try these sites for all manner of child-friendly delights:
Handcrafted wooden toys from our German brothers. Qualität!
All sorts of lovely books, toys, furniture etc.
Jelly Cat on acid … and the kids f*cking love it!
Little Baby Company
You get the idea now…
Read more Men Are Funny.
Images courtesy of the author