Kids’ clothing shouldn’t make a statement, David Zweig writes, especially if it’s the parents who’re making it.
I recently learned of a company in Brooklyn, where I live and am raising a two-and-a-half-year-old daughter and an eight-month-old son, that sells shirts and “onesies” with an image of either an iPhone or Blackberry with “Put It Down” written on its face. As a part-time stay-at-home-dad who has spent many an afternoon at the playground cringing at the multitude of parents and caregivers glued to their smart phones, while at best paying half-attention to their playing toddlers, I appreciate the sentiment of the shirt. And yet something about it rubs me the wrong way, and I’m not talking about the abrasion of a cotton-poly blend.
The first time I remember having an awareness of a joke shirt was probably the “Unbutton My Fly” shirt worn by what seemed like half the adults and teenagers at an amusement park I went to one afternoon twenty-odd years ago. The shirt played on the then-popular Levis’ “Button My Fly” campaign, and even as a kid I remember thinking that’s pretty lame, and being strangely depressed by seeing adults wearing them. This type of shirt is dumb on a thirteen-year-old, of course, but at least that’s expected. To this day when I see people in their thirties and beyond sporting a t-shirt with a lame play on words or mock logo (behold the golden arch of McDonald’s with “Marijuana” written below it) a complex smug sadness comes over me. My reaction goes something like this: self-satisfied dismissal, followed by disheartenedment based on my assumption that this person must be a doofus and that I have to live in a world populated by people like this, followed by guilt for being such an elitist ass for judging someone else’s taste.
Seeing an idiotic shirt on a child, who didn’t choose to wear it, though, brings my smug sadness sinkhole down yet another level. And anyone who has spent time around kids recently knows there has been an explosion of babies and toddlers in these shirts. Anything we dress our children in sends a message of one sort or another, but these adult-directed joke shirts—”AB/CD” written in the band AC/DC’s typeface, or an image of an iPod with “iPood” written below it—make me uneasy. My reaction is a close cousin to the way I feel when I see a pet poodle with one of those insane haircuts they sometimes are given—the owner might as well have shaved “I have no dignity” on the dog’s back.
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To one degree or another kids will always be an extension of their parents. How they look and conduct themselves in the world reflects on their parents’ values and tastes. Typically, the younger the child the stronger the reflection is. So it’s especially incumbent on parents of very young children to respect their personhood as much as is reasonable.
The other day at a party with my daughter I eagerly commanded her to count to ten in Spanish for a friend. I was proud that she could do this and I wanted to show off. Yet as she demurred, burying her head in my lap, I instantly felt guilty for even suggesting it. When I’m in a social situation I often have to remind myself that my kids’ role is not for me to impress other people. I can be proud of them privately with my family and that’s enough. If my daughter wants to entertain daddy’s friend with her bilingual mathematics, more power to her. But it’s her power, not mine.
The one area where very young children generally have zero power is clothing. We sometimes let our daughter choose between a few different outfit options from her dresser, but that’s about it. The clothes have already been purchased; her shopping days are, thankfully, still a few years away. (The only sartorial affinity my son has demonstrated thus far is that he’s happiest when he’s in his birthday suit.) Kids wearing clothing their parents buy for them isn’t a big deal of course, but the rub is when clothing is no longer just clothing but a billboard (even though—I admit it—my kids don a few of these themselves; my son does look cute in his “No Sleep Till” onesie from Brooklyn Industries).
When a child is wearing a shirt with a specific message on it, rather than just regular clothing, they’re being used in a more explicit way as a vehicle for their parents’ own egos. If my kid can’t join in on the joke, something feels off about her being the one to project it to everyone. It reduces the child to being an accessory in the same way that asking your daughter to perform for others reduces her to being an entertainer.
Taking the famous Marshall McLuhan adage “the medium is the message” to heart, the problem with the “Put It Down” shirt isn’t the message, but that it’s on a baby’s shirt.
—Photo An en Alain/Flickr
Thanks for saying this, although I feel equally self-conscious/pretentious about not dressing my child in slogan-ed clothing. It does make him stand out somehow, and people do comment on his oddly adult appearance. For me, it’s more about not putting words in my child’s mouth whatever the message. The first piece of clothing we got was a newborn snowsuit with “I love mommy” stitched to the front. I took it right off. A bit extreme, I know, but it felt dishonest otherwise. Like I was demanding the emotion without having to put in any work. Plus, it was leaving out… Read more »
I’m not all that bothered personally by an iPood onesie and have even considered buying funny clothes for my one-year-old niece.
What really pisses me off is when I see children, too young to really know what’s going on or understand the issue at hand, holding protest signs in a picket line.
That bothers me too! Whether it’s a small child holding a “God hates fags” sign or a “let my moms marry” sign, or as was my case when I was very young, an anti-abortion sign – these kids aren’t representing a movement, they’re merely doing what they’re told and trying to fit in. I’ve noticed that society tends to find it adorable to see children’s mouths repeating opinions we know and love, but suddenly feel outraged at how the child is being “used” when it’s something offensive. I am not against teaching children or letting them speak their minds. But… Read more »
@KKZ
Thanks for noting that @john hall conspicuously left off the last part of the sentence (which of course devalues his whole nonsensical reply.
Also RE protest signs – I totally agree.
My sister-in-law took a picture of her 3-month old baby girl in a position which I thought was rather distasteful and posted it up on my brother’s Facebook profile picture. She had placed was a large bottle of Hennessy placed between her baby girl’s legs trying to channel the Dakota Fanning Marc Jacobs, Lola perfume ad, which by the way was banned in the UK for being too sexualized/provocative. I showed the baby girl photo to my mother and explained all this to her, but instead of seeing the pose as being inappropriate – my mother told me off, asserting… Read more »
I’m just going to throw this out here, but when I read a line like this: “My reaction goes something like this: self-satisfied dismissal, followed by disheartenedment based on my assumption that this person must be a doofus and that I have to live in a world populated by people like this” it is difficult for me to take anything else the author has written seriously. Whatever happened to giving others the benefit of the doubt? Or at least acknowledging that no one is perfect? When the author admits that he so readily “judges books by their covers” it is… Read more »
you left off the end of the sentence… “followed by guilt for being such an elitist ass for judging someone else’s taste” Personally, I can totally relate to that. There are times when I see something that sets off a judgment reaction in me, and then I feel remorse for being such an elitist ass, and I acknowledge it. If I made my judgment public – by commenting to a friend about another person’s stupid t-shirt, or even the silent point-and-nod – then I’ll apologize. If the judgment stayed in my own head, the remorse is enough. Just the other… Read more »
if any ones here today all the best have a gud new year
alfie
It’s pretty simple – I loathe when people put words into my mouth, so how could I do that to my children?
This is why I let my son pick out his own clothing at the store. Yes, that means a preschooler is going to make some odd selections, like his once-favorite pants (since outgrown) that had pink flowers on the butt he insisted were stars. But since he can’t read, he has yet to have opted for a shirt that had some smart-mouthed comment directed at an adult level.
I do the same. Which means my son has the most horrific tee shirts on most of the time, including his favorite which is an eye-burning shade of electric blue with a puffy-shiny graphic of an insolent looking adolescent on a skateboard with an anaconda wrapped around the boy and blood dripping off the snake’s fangs, prepped to bite— not the boy but aimed at the person who is viewing the shirt. I said to my son, “Are you sure you want this shirt? You know this is logically faulted too, I mean if the snake hasn’t bitten anyone yet,… Read more »