Just because your baby’s shirt says you’re the World’s Greatest Dad, it doesn’t mean you are.
The kid likes me and the Permanent Roommate. I’m basing that statement purely on the way he reacts when we greet him in the crib in the morning, the way he lights up when one of us comes home and how he crawls into our laps when he is feeling tired. He’ll probably love us for the rest of our lives but that’s totally dependent on how good we are at this parenting gig.
I’d grade us at least a B+ thus far.
All his actions and reactions are enough to prove he is a fan. Judging from the clothing options in baby stores, the manufacturers of most of these garments thinks A) parents need constant reminders their young child is fond of them and B) parents need to let the world know that their kid loves them. I’m sure there are some parents in the world who need constant reinforcement that their young child has fond feelings towards them. This has to be the main thought between shirts like “I Dig Mommy” (complete with a giant backhoe) “Daddy is my hero” and “Mommy and Daddy make me happier than a dump and a nap.”
I made that last shirt up but it wouldn’t shock me if it did exist. If it does I’d also like to order one in a men’s medium.
I’m going to be honest and admit my kid has a couple of these shirts. Browse the website and you’ll see him in a few. I didn’t buy them. They were gifts. The gift givers either thought them adorable or that the Permanent Roommate and I would need daily affirmations my kid is indeed my “all-star,” or whatever makes sense on a shirt with baseballs. He wears them because he goes through clothes like a drunk with bladder problems so eventually the options run low on clean clothing. Plus it makes it harder to yell at him while he is wearing these statement shirts.
“STOP PULLING THAT DAMN CORD OUT OF THE WALL…Awww…I think you’re un-bee-lievable too little guy! Come here so I can make fart noises on your belly.”
Perhaps there are so many shitty parents on the planet that we should celebrate the fact that there are parents doing a solid job at raising good kids. If that’s the case how about the shirts just give a gentle pat on the back instead of a proverbial rubbing of the genitals with a job well done?
♦◊♦
Here are some suggestions:
Dad pays about as much attention as I could hope for.
I love my mommy for doing the best she can.
I love my big sister the guinea pig
I Heart Grandma (no matter what mommy says about her)
Grandpa is my pal until I piss him off
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I’ve got some greeting cards idea as well. Waiting on you, Hallmark.
—Photo Daquella manera/Flickr
I saw the exact same shirt 4 days ago on a 6 year old but the mom’s shirt reply was even better: “Children and drunks only speak the true.”
Here is the other extreme – an actual shirt I saw worn by a 1 1/2 year-old boy in Malmo, Sweden. I am sure he didn’t know what it meant – yet:
MY DAD IS A FUCKING ASSHOLE
One of my son’s first shirts was my favorite of all time. It said “Now That I’m Safe, I’m Pro-Choice.” The horrified looks from uptight prudes were well worth the $14.99!
Ok that’s pretty hysterical
All of our shirts like that were gifts or in freecycle boxes. They’re just going to get puked on anyhow, so we don’t worry about them, but tend not to wear them out and about. I got a pile of onesies and a box of fabric markers — fear the Mom of Snark.
Love it! I work retail, and you would not believe the number of parents that treat the toys section like a daycare, and let their kids misbehave in the store. The other day a lady that went through a friend’s line’s kid threw a gallon of milk onto the floor and it exploded. the kid is sitting there laughing and all the mother says is “I need someone to get me another milk”.
That’s absurd. Every parent knows only the library is free day care. “Can you help my child find this book?” [RUNS FOR THE DOOR]