How to Win the Lottery Every Single Time You Play

Can you really win the lottery every single time you play?  In a word, yes.  In two words, heck yes.

 

Times are tough all over. Word has it that there’s a single job left in the entire country, so working is out of the question. Sponging off ma and pa might be an option, but that’s not something most swinging singles would want to do. Fame could work if you’re as outrageous as Kim Kardashian, but she’s one of a kind and you probably aren’t. It appears we’ve exhausted every possibility save one: the Powerball lottery.

Powerball is a can’t-miss proposition. Introduced in 1992 as a quick and painless way of getting poor people to give their money to faceless state bureaucrats, this legal numbers racket has created almost as many millionaires as the Charlotte Bobcats. Unlike the Charlotte Bobcats, though, the lottery doesn’t demand a 42-inch vertical leap or a textbook jumpshot in exchange for such princely wages. It requires only that you pick the best numbers, which is a snap if you know your lottery strategies as well as I do.

One woman won big by playing the lottery during a week when her hands itched, so that’s something you could try.

See, many people erroneously believe that the lottery is just a game of chance. The numbers are randomly selected, they say, and there’s no way to beat the system. Well, there’s a name for such people: losers. Not only can you beat the system, you can beat it frequently. A master lotteryman can walk out of his apartment, stroll down to the corner grocery, buy a ticket, and count on five or six years of guaranteed income. It’s just that simple.

“How do I become a master lotteryman?” you ask.  Friend, it’s easier than growing a goatee or leaving the shiny hologram on your fresh and swagalicious new hat. First, get a handful of your favorite numbers — I happen to like 1, 7, 9, 3 and 2 — and draw them close to your heart. If you need help picking favorite numbers, opt for extremely powerful ones like your grandfather’s dog’s birthday or the combined weight of the contestants on “American Idol.” It’s good to have favorite numbers because they carry a lot more luck. Since the lottery was designed for players with average or below-average luck, that extra luck will put you over the top.

Next, develop a feel for the stores in your neighborhood that sell lottery tickets. It’s all about location, location, location in this game. Some stores are real cold and never sell a winner. Others sell nothing but winners. These places are referred to as “hot shops” or “hot boxes” in lotteryman lexicon and are where you want to go when you need fast cash.

Many people erroneously believe that the lottery is just a game of chance. The numbers are randomly selected, they say, and there’s no way to beat the system. There’s a name for such people: losers.

You’re also going to need plenty of intuition ­— “court vision” to put it in terms that a Charlotte Bobcats hoopster could grasp. You can cultivate this intuition by reading lottery winners’ stories, which are available on your state lottery website. One woman won big by playing the lottery during a week when her hands itched, so that’s something you could try. Another fellow got so nervous about playing that he had his wife buy the winning ticket. That would probably be a bit tougher if you’re a confirmed bachelor, but I think it would work equally well if you substituted an aunt or uncle for your spouse.

Finally, you ought to think about what you’re going to do with all of your winnings. The usual crowd of do-gooders and try-harders will put the arm on you to donate that money to conceptual artists, buskers, documentary filmmakers or some other distressed, dispossessed group. Far be it from me to tell you how to spend your gil, but cutting-edge Nate Silver-style statistics show that the lottery is one of the safest investments you can make. Plus, you’ve won before, so your odds of winning again are bound to have increased. In that respect, winning the lotto is a lot like riding a bicycle: it’s a skill that, once learned, will never be forgotten.

 

Photo–Flickr/NotionsCapital

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About Oliver Lee Bateman

Good Men Project contributing editor Oliver Lee Bateman is a columnist for Al-Jazeera America and Made Man Magazine. His writing has been featured in Salon, The Atlantic, Johnny America, Stymie: A Journal of Sport and Literature, the U.S. Intellectual History Blog, STIR Journal, Mic.com, and NAP Magazine. He is also one of the founders of the Moustache Club of America and Penny & Farthing, two blogzines specializing in flash fiction and creative nonfiction that he co-curates with web developer Erik Hinton, medical consultant Nathan Zimmerman, and freelance writers Christie Chapman and J. R. Powell. Oliver is a lawyer as well as an assistant professor at the University of Texas at Arlington. Follow him on Twitter @MoustacheClubUS or on Google+.

Comments

  1. I have never experience something as wonderful as how i won the powerball lottery with the help of Lord Diva. A man who gives out winning numbers to any type of lottery in the whole world. After contacting him for the quick pick numbers which i use last Saturday and i won 65000 dollars he also want to he my twin sister this Wednesday for the powerball too and i believe he will do it again. I am so grateful to this man not after online psychic take my money for nothing. the email to this man is [email protected] contact him now for he is the only help you need to win the lottery

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