Women are crazy nowadays.
You get called a sexual predator if you lock eyes with a girl at the gym. You’ll get called a perv if your eyes happen to gaze in her direction mid-workout.
It’s wild out there.
But, luckily, there are some women out there who will find you approaching them flattering and will even give you their number because the gym is a great place to meet someone for multiple reasons.
One is that the two of you are both into fitness and that right there is a great conversation starter as well as a good thing to have in common.
Nowadays, people struggle with meeting people in the real word, and because of that, people should be more open-minded to approach others in different environments.
What if guys don’t want to pick up girls at bars? What if guys don’t want to pick up girls at the club? What if guys don’t want to have a dating profile?
What if some guys just want to find a girl out there with similar interests, such as fitness?
Some women will complain about never being approached, and when they do get approached, it’s not when they like to be approached, but then they complain about not being approached.
It makes no sense. So, with that in mind, this article is for men who feel comfortable approaching women but need a few tips on how to go about it.
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Be equipped with a few conversation points.
Don’t approach a woman without being equipped with something to say.
A simple “Hi,” is not enough — a simple, “Hi, I see you here a lot,” also isn’t enough, and unless you’re extremely good-looking, it won’t get you anywhere.
In a gym setting and our current society, where a compliment might be taken as an insult, it’s important to keep it clean and respectful.
The number of girls calling out guys on TikTok for being creepy is sky-high, and you might be the nicest guy on the planet, but she won’t know that if you say something offputting. So here are a few pointers:
- Give a compliment without being sexual
- Crack a joke. A guy once told me the workout he was doing was to compensate for all the croissants he planned to eat at the bakery next door
- How long have you been working out at this gym?
- What are you training today?
- If you do say something along the lines of “I see you here a lot,” — compliment her consistency and discipline; otherwise, she might find it creepy
Be a good conversationalist, don’t make her feel like she has to carry on the conversation when you’re the one coming up to her.
And on another note, be confident. You and I might know you’re shy, but she doesn’t.
Regardless of the outcome, be proud of putting yourself out there.
Remember, some girls will find this situation extremely flattering, and it can result in something positive, and some won’t like it — and that’s okay because it’s nothing personal.
She might not find you attractive, or maybe she’s in a relationship, and that’s fine. There are millions of other girls out there. You’ll survive.
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Try this:
“Do you mind if I work in with you?”
This is a great approach because it’ll allow you to gauge whether she might be interested in you by her behavior and body language.
If she acts completely closed off, you don’t need to bother engaging with her.
When you ask her to work in, she might hit you with, “I only have a few sets left.” This might mean she’s not interested, but it also just might mean she doesn’t like working out with people; it can be a hassle when you’re constantly changing up the weights between the two of you.
However, if she says ‘sure,’ then do your workout and try to have a friendly and light conversation.
- What are you training today?
- Wow, you’re using a pretty heavy weight on this (everyone loves a compliment)
- If you’ve seen her multiple times — “How long have you been training at this gym? Is fitness a passion of yours?”
If you start a conversation and she’s engaging with you, laughing, asking questions in return, and she’s being inviting, this is a great entryway into asking her for her Instagram handle or, if you’re feeling extra confident, her phone number.
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This one can work on special occasions:
Compliment something about her outfit.
If she’s wearing a plain and neutral outfit, then that doesn’t work — however, if she’s wearing bright colors or her leggings have a pattern on them, then compliment her workout fit.
A few weeks ago, I went to the gym in a navy blue workout set that had a unique white design all over them. I was in-between sets on my phone, and a guy walked over and said, “I really like your workout set. It’s really eye-catching.”
I said thank you, and he followed up with a few more questions that resulted in a friendly and casual conversation.
If not her outfit, maybe she has a tattoo, or her sneakers look fresh, and you can compliment her on that. Don’t overthink it too much; you just need to find an icebreaker to help you have an easy and smooth conversation with the girl.
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One of these TWO things will work:
Ask her an open-ended question. Or ask for her opinion.
The other day I was at the gym doing cardio, I had my headphones in and a video playing on my phone. A guy walks up to my stair master and asks me how I’m doing — this guy has approached me on multiple occasions and can’t take a hint.
I’m always neutral and polite, mainly because this is a gym I go to on a daily basis. I told him I was wrapping up my workout and hoped he had a great workout himself, and then I put my headphones back in.
The second he left, the guy on the stair master next to me asked me a question that resulted in an almost 30-minute conversation.
On a separate occasion, I was at one of my favorite bakeries in Venice. I was standing in line, waiting to order, when the guy behind me said, “Hey, it’s my first time here — what do you recommend?”
I started listing off everything that’s worthy of trying, and he asked if I wanted to have coffee with him, which I declined, but I applauded him for shooting his shot and doing it in a non-awkward way.
While this happened outside of the gym, this can easily work in a gym setting.
- “Hey, I just moved here; I’ve seen you at this gym a couple of times. Do you know of any good [insert smoothie, coffee shop, breakfast] spots nearby?
Remember, women love giving their advice and opinions.
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Just be direct.
If all else fails and you want to approach her, but you don’t want to interrupt her workout or seem creepy or annoying, just wait for her to be mid-set and be confident and direct in your approach.
Most girls don’t want to have a full-on conversation at the gym, so you approaching her, in general, tells her you’re interested, and if she’s attracted to you, she’ll like you even more if you’re confident.
A few pointers:
- “Hey, I don’t want to bother you, but I find you really attractive, and I couldn’t leave without saying something. My name is X; what’s yours?”
- “Hey, I saw you here last week and couldn’t find the courage to come up to you, I think you’re gorgeous, and I’d love to talk to you if you’re single.”
There’s no single woman out there who doesn’t want a confident and attractive man to come up to her and make her feel good.
And if you’re going to say, “oh, so I have to be attractive,” then remember that attractiveness is subjective, and there are many things you can do as a man to be attractive regardless of your facial features.
Make it a beneficial and pleasant interaction, and it’ll work out. Pun intended.
And in the end, if she’s rude or rejects you — don’t take it personally. She’s not the right girl for you.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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