I asked people to submit their ideas for a new and improved Yoplait slogan–a slogan that will appeal to the Silverado-driving, blank verse-reading, Dr. Phil-watching, freak-in-the-sheets/lord-in-the-streets 21st century man.

American consumerism has reached a point where most companies have put aside subtle witticisms in favor of bluntness.

For instance, Yoplait’s new slogan “It’s SO good” is without humor, suspense, patriotism, prominent celebrity endorsements, sexuality, or any attempt to seduce potential consumers into gulping down their brand of their bacteria-laden fermented milk products.

Since it was being peddled by loincloth-clad serfs at General Mills, “Yoplait” was widely believed by the American public to be the French word for yogurt. This is incorrect.

Nevertheless, during the course of its protein-rich history, it has become a household name.

“We’ve sort of been about this for a long time, but now we’re trying to make it more of a mission, and to include more people on the journey of spreading so goodness.  Ultimately, we’re focused on making so good yogurt, and here’s how we see it: you can eat something that tastes amazing but isn’t that good for you. You can eat stuff that’s really good for you, but doesn’t always leave you yummed up. So good yogurt does both. All of you is happy, not just your tongue. And while so goodness will never be perfect, we’ll keep working on ways to make our yogurt more so good than it is today.” – Yoplait

Here on the Good Men Project, people may already have an idea of what “SO GOOD” means to them. In an attempt to remain “on-brand” with our idea of goodness, I sent out a mass email, asking people in my address book to submit their ideas for a new and improved Yoplait slogan–a slogan that will appeal to the Silverado-driving, blank verse-reading, Dr. Phil-watching, freak-in-the-sheets/lord-in-the-streets, stay-at-home 21st century man.  These are the fruits-on-the-bottom of what I received.

The Top 5 Yoplait Slogan Submissions:

 

“Yoplait: Yogurt so tasty, you’ll want to shove your finger inside to squeeze out more!”

 

“Yoplait: Goodness that seeps out of your cheeks.”

 

“Yoplait: One injection a day keeps you regular.”

 

“Fuel your love machine with Yoplait (by which we mean that you’ll be really great at sex if you eat Yoplait–we’re not referring to fueling an actual love machine, which in our experience requires a ‘D’ battery).”

 

“Completely different than all of the other yogurts on the market!  Don’t believe us?  Try some.  We’re probably right.  Either way, you’re out .79 cents or however much you overpaid for this little tub of cow goo.”

Photo–Flickr/basykes

Note:  This post was not sponsored by Yoplait, nor did Yoplait approve of this message.  Although I don’t dislike Yoplait products, I didn’t receive a 4-flavor variety pack in exchange for plugging their fair-to-middling yogurt on here.