Men and women should celebrate where we are, Hugo Schwyzer writes, but we still need to keep moving forward.
Good Men Project founder Tom Matlack says he’s depressed after reading this Meghan Casserly column at Forbes.com: Why We Need to Stop Bemoaning the End of Men. While Tom is pleased that Meghan pushes back against the popular media trope of a dire masculinity crisis, he’s upset that she talks about the enduring power of “paternalistic authority” of men over women. Tom calls it “piling on.”
I appreciated Meghan’s column enormously, particularly the way she takes apart the arguments of anti-feminists like Kay Hymowitz, who have famously suggested that men are alienated by women’s success (and that that alienation is largely women’s fault.) And unlike Tom, I think Meghan is right on the money when she suggests that paternalism continues.
It’s easy to confuse increased opportunity for women with the arrival of genuine parity. There are more women CEOs and more women doctors than there were 25 years ago, just as there are (probably) more men doing dishes and being affectionate fathers. There’s much to celebrate in that trend. But though more heterosexual men than ever before may want to be genuine partners to their girlfriends and wives, that desire to be more helpful and more emotionally present doesn’t mean that men can claim that patriarchy and sexism are dead.
As reported this week, men with children are doing more housework than ever before. We’re up to spending 80% as much time as women do on chores. That’s an undeniable improvement over where we were a few short decades ago. But again, a trend in the right direction doesn’t mean the problem of inequality has been licked. And as that same study found, women are doing much more than those statistics suggest, largely because women spend much more time than men multi-tasking. The fact that we’re doing more than ever before doesn’t change the reality that we’re still not pulling our weight.
There’s a long tradition in men’s writing (see Freud, Sigmund) of complaining that women’s demands are excessive and irrational. The modern iteration of that tactic is to point out how hard men are trying. What more could women possibly want? Don’t women have more opportunities than ever before? Aren’t men doing more domestic chores and showing more affection than their fathers’ generation ever did? Why isn’t that enough? When are these shrews going to give us a break, give us a cookie, and let “good enough” be sufficient?
Individual men are not called to be martyrs. (I don’t know any women who expect them to be.) But we can do better than point endlessly to all the things we’ve done right, as if they constitute a credit balance sufficient to discharge the debts from all the places where we continue to fall short. And make no mistake, we are still falling short. That men are up to doing 80% of the work—and that women are up to earning 80 cents on our dollar—indicates progress. But to use a football analogy, it’s still the third quarter and though we’re catching up, we need another couple of touchdowns to win the game. And some men sound like they’re ready to hit the showers.
There is no “end of men”; there is no “gender war.” Things are getting better, and we should celebrate it. But the work isn’t done yet, either in the home or in the boardroom. Men still do less than their full fair share—and receive more than their share of the rewards of power. Making that point, as Meghan does, is not “piling on.” It’s a clarion call to keep pushing forward.
—Photo Toms Bauģis/Flickr
About Hugo Schwyzer
First of all your studies are highly biased, they ignore male chores becuase they are “enjoyable”, Umm any chore can be enjoyed, it doesn’t negate it’s value. There are female commentators who enjoy washing the dishes, raising the kids, does that mean we ignore their contribution too?
http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/07/21/time-cover-story-why-men-and-women-should-end-the-chore-wars/
Outside and inside work aren’t always comparable either, Inside the house I can have airconditioning and remain at a comfortable temperature but outside atm, it’s 34degree’s “feels like 40″ due to humidity, an hour outside and I have sweat 2 litres, exhausted a lot of energy yet inside I can do FAR FAR more. You can also do outside work WITH the children, multitasking since you’re caring for them still. I know of people with large property who’d put their kids in the side seat, or lap and let them steer when slashing (mowing on a tractor, for very large areas).
So if you discount any enjoyable activity then you might as well discount childcare because many women enjoy that as I CONSTANTLY HEAR. The studies you link are biased, your entire message is biased, I really am surprised you are a gender studies teacher because quite frankly you throw men to the wolves and focus so much on the women that it’s truly a very biased view.
Trying to compare jobs that are different, where one uses far more energy than another is another problem. If someone is in a labor intensive job, they can do 5 hours of work and use twice the energy as someone working 10 hours in a quite cushy and comfortable job. Now trying to compare male and female work, without taking into account the differences in workload between each individual job IS quite stupid. Work isn’t about hours in the job, it could be that men are exerting much more energy and their workload is much higher than women, but in a shorter period of time so in reality women work LONGER, men work overall HARDER. This isn’t a fact however since I don’t have, or haven’t seen any study that takes this into account.
“Men still do less than their full fair share”
Men do the majority of defending, aquiring, and controlling resources (war), men have done their fair share and continue to do it. Males are still heavily on the front line defending the rest of society and whilst I agree we need more female soldiers there, ATM males are doing the majority of it. Males also do the majority of very risky jobs, they sacrifice themselves in jobs women don’t seem to be wanting to do (a problem yes). I’d say if anything, females aren’t doing their fair share of defending society’s all over the planet. But even this is a silly thing to say because as a whole, we need someone making the weaponary and this is where women stepped up to the plate in WW2 for America.
Bury your head all you want Hugo, but I do question if you ever study GENDER in an unbiased fashion. Your article is full of language blaming and shaming men, minimizing the hard work they do whilst elevating women on a pedestal. How about an article on how women aren’t doing their fair share of dangerous work and choosing safer careers whilst enjoying the benefits of male sacrifice?
“Bury your head all you want Hugo, but I do question if you ever study GENDER in an unbiased fashion? . . . Your article is full of language blaming and shaming men, . . . How about an article on how women aren’t doing their fair share of dangerous work and choosing safer careers whilst enjoying the benefits of male sacrifice?”
Valid question but I disagree that the solution is to blame and shame women instead of men. What is needed is unbiased, balanced, and reasoned commentary which doesn’t unfairly and blame and shame boys/men or girls/women. That doesn’t help.
We can all do better; let’s consider all the facts and finds ways to improve.
That was my point:P It’d probably never happen (at least these days), and if it does, burn it.