In last Friday’s 10 at 10, we featured this link to a story about a mother and daughter who were both sexually abusing a teenage boy over the course of three years. The mother, Susan Brock, was arrested back in October; her daughter, Rachel Katherine Brock, was brought into custody last week—both on a smorgasbord of sexual misconduct charges. Their baffled husband/father reported his mental state as “appalled and crushed.” (No kidding.)
But what’s really interesting is the public reaction to this story. As blogger Dr. Helen Smith points out, many of the commenters on the article don’t seem to see the harm in what happened, claiming that the act was “a privilege that a teen male had two women showing him the ways of the world.”
As if the sexual fantasy of a mother-daughter double team—a la Lindsay Lohan and her mom in Machete—excuses the fact that this boy was victimized and likely traumatized.
One particular commenter, Bill L., summarizes it well:
Why should the consequences for a woman who violates a 14-year-old boy be any different? I wonder how most of these macho, “he wanted it” posters would feel if their 14-year-old daughter had relations with a 48-year-old man and his 18-year-old son? Would they crow “she wanted it”? Not likely.
What strikes me as the most interesting part of it all is that if the victim had been a boy of maybe 10 or 11, the reaction would have been drastically different. But because he was 14—an age when we assume male brains start turning into American Pie—the reaction shifts.
It’s not surprising. Our rising obsession with MILFs and “cougars” is a socially sanctioned phenomenon reinforced by media everywhere. (Nightline even ran a piece covering a so-called “Cougar convention.”) For an already sexually confused boy going through puberty, coming forward about sexual abuse can be a near-impossible feat. Add on this pressure from media (not to mention boys’ peers) and reporting assault gets that much harder.
Sexual fantasy can be a healthy part of life and culture. But perhaps, in this case, more reflection is needed. What do you think, readers?
I’ll add my two cents worth on this. Ever since my kids were in high school their friends flirted with me. Almost every time we had the boys over pool parties turned into “skinny dipping” shows of exhibition. No way I was ever going to risk getting in trouble with a juvenile, so I waited until the day after they turned 18 and would call their bluff. Of 8 young men, only 5 took the bait. Three of them were so nervous it would not even get close to working. They loved to kiss “the older woman” but NONE of… Read more »
This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. When I was growing up I had an aunt who had a sweet tooth for young boys. This obsession was so overwhelming it caused her to pray on her sons friends. Her behavior was embarassing and traumatic to her sons to say the least. For me this is where my dislike for these so called Cougars and Milfs originated. In this present time this type of behavior seem to be in fashion. While I am not totally against relationships with an age difference, some of these women need… Read more »
When I was 15 I had a relationship with a woman in her 20s. It was fantastic. She was a rapist, under the law. Yes, this does make me think about the double standard, that a man in her position would be viewed much less harshly. But it doesn’t make me think that she should be viewed MORE harshly. It makes me think that a man in her position should be viewed LESS harshly. The whole “sex is traumatizing” line of BS is a product of a culture that is fundamentally anti-sex, and it’s endorsed by feminists AND misogynists. It’s… Read more »
First, I come clean saying that I’ve been the older woman in a number of cases. I’m close to turning 50 and I dated a man in his early 30’s, so a lot younger than me, and believe me, under no circumstance I consider myself a predator. As far as I’m concerned, whether I choose to go with a younger man or not, is based on consent, that is his and mine. Having said that, I realize that teenagers may not always have the necessary wisdom to make consent viable, and this goes for both boys and girls. In my… Read more »
Thank you for your comment Citrus and in light of the following research into how society views women as sexual offenders, particularly when the victim is an underage teen boy, I believe you have raised some very valid points & concerns regarding the porn industry :- THE FEMALE FIGURE AS A SEXUAL OFFENDER Standards of acceptable behavior have been created by a patriarchal society on the basis of masculine behavior and thus it is difficult to categorize female offenders accordingly. As such, patriarchal discourses and structures inadvertently protect female sexual offenders by not allowing them to exist within academic, scientific… Read more »
It takes a brave person to admit to being assaulted/exploited/abused. This young man is an incredible example, in spite of what happened to him.
I just think the entire thing is sad. I do wonder if the need to possess “youth” and the experience of feeling powerless in relationship with men has somehow gotten distorted in these women’s minds. We need to have very clear boundaries to prevent these kinds of abuses from happening to other teenage boys if women are going to “lose track” of responsible use of power.
The human mind collapses so many events and experiences that can “gray” the line of what’s right and wrong – again, I am so sorry for the young boy…
More like how feminism’s sexual entitlement mentality for WOMEN, ruined boys:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plkeKMTDM9g
Interesting Read..!!
nicolas- “Can only speak of my own personal experience, but as a boy of 14 i was totally ready mentally for that.” Are you absolutely sure you were totally “mentally ready” at the age of 14 to have a sexual relationship with an older woman without suffering any psychological harm nicolas? Lots of other men who have sexually aggressive behavioral problems towards women (rapists) may disagree with you:- The harm female perpetrators can inflict has been found in at least three pieces of research undertaken with male rapists identifying that a significant number record being sexually abused by older women… Read more »
I think if they’d have surveyed non-rapists they might very well have found the same thing. There is a difference between abuse and sexual relations. Applying the stigma abuse PROBABLY doesn’t make it easier to process. I had a sexual relationship with an older woman (teacher) at the age of 15. While I’ll admit that at first it was overwhelming I think it had much to do with my future maturity. The sex was not manipulative and was consensual. I harbor no misogynistic tendencies nor is rape attractive to me. I was living a man’s life, working farms and ranches… Read more »
Can only speak of my own personal experience, but as a boy of 14 i was totally ready mentally for that. yeah it would have been considered ‘lucky’ by many, and it would not have caused any damage to me. That being said, there needs to be a rule otherwise things turns to shit. But the sanction needs to be appreciated to the extent there was some harm done. If there was no harm, then only a minor sanction should prevail. this is really the kind of case thats useless and done for journalists. people talk about fantasy, unequal treatment… Read more »
The problem is with the power differential between old women and young men.
There may be the impression that these boys are lucky but they are being unfairly manipulated into a sexual lifestyle by a dominant adult.
The cougar phenomenon is very interesting in that it has exactly the opposite stereotype as old men / young women. IMO, the cougar phenomenon and media portrayal is just an attempt to gain acceptance of female pedophilia / unhealthy power imbalance.
Denis – “IMO, the cougar phenomenon and media portrayal is just an attempt to gain acceptance of female pedophilia / unhealthy power imbalance.”
Female Sex Offenders – The “Cougar Movement”
“While none of these fictional scenarios either suggest or support an older woman seducing a child, there’s little doubt that this shift in social values will encourage some women to cross the boundary into illegal territory. ”
http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/criminal_mind/sexual_assault/female_offenders/20.html
When I was going up in Nevada 50+ years ago, some of the high school boys I knew were being taken to brothels by their fathers in the nearby county where it was legal. According to the rumors the fathers thought they were preventing their sons from being gay by introducing straight sex early. Some of the kids bragged about it but it was scary and disgusting to me because, as your writers above have stated the idea of having sex with a woman 10 or more years older, particularly a prostitute did not seem attractive to me. I was… Read more »
Unfortunately, R.Howard some fathers are still, to this day, paying for the services of prostitues for their teenage sons even if means going to jail or having to register as a sex offender :- USA: Nearly three years ago, a father paid a prostitute to have sex with his 13-year-old son. The dad is already in prison for up more than a decade, but the prostitute is not facing a similar sentence. Randy Herriott faced a number of charges for hiring the prostitute for his son. The crimes earned him 12 to 16 years in prison http://www.wwaytv3.com/mom_upset_after_hooker_dad_bought_13yearold_son_gets_probation/08/2010 UK: Father who… Read more »
Apparently both Anthony Kedis and Lil’ Wayne lost their virginity this way.
Ugh, this is so sad and disgusting. Sex crimes are sex crimes. The fact that society treats female sexuality as nonthreatening instead of taking it seriously shouldn’t change the fact that it IS serious when an adult has sex with a child.
Let me lay a little truth on you. 1. Sex is positive. It’s great. It does not inflict trauma unless you teach people to be traumatized by it, as any number of sociological and anthropological studies has concluded by studying other cultures in which marriage and/or sexuality in teenagers is considered normal. The solution to the double standard is not “Let’s demonize male and female sexuality equally”, it’s “Let’s stop demonizing sexuality”. The one area where feminists and misogynists are on the same page is that they’re anti-sex. And they’re wrong. 2. There is no magical threshold of adulthood. “But… Read more »
I LOVE YOU! The first time I have ever heard a truly sex positive comment on this site. I never thought a 42 year old man having sex with a 14 year old girl was wrong and I don’t think there is anything wrong with the reverse either. I also never understood this idea that teenagers are immature and undeveloped. For that matter I don’t understand the other strange words people use like “professionalism” and “maturity”. I kind of hate this society. I would like to live in bullshit free world where meaningless bullshit terms are bandied about as if… Read more »
Sorry your argument doesn’t hold up for everyone. I was used sexually by my father when I was about 13. I was turned on and enjoyed it at the time. Now I realize it was wrong for him to be using me like that and I find it almost impossible to trust or love anybody.
I learned at an early age that lying to other people (and myself) was the easiest thing to do.
At that age I really had no idea that it wasn’t normal.
Ya know, I really don’t agree with much of what you post here at GMP, Lu – but you’re right on this one 🙂
It saddens me to no end that people hear about a young boy getting molested and think, “WOW, He’s so lucky!!!”
How did it come to this? Feminism has convinced us that women can do no wrong. So when they commit disgusting sex crimes (with their own daughters) we should just brush it off and chalk it up to a “good” time for the boy. Pathetic. I hope these 2 have the book thrown at them.
‘Feminism has convinced us that women can do no wrong.’ This is an ignorant generalization and a patent lie. Educate yourself before blaming feminism and teh evil wimmenz for all your problems.
Where in this article did it declare that the rapists were feminists? I am missing a logical connection here.
Marc, you clearly have no idea what Feminism is.
Just because a teenage boy (or girl) might fantasize about sex with an older person doesn’t mean they would actually want to do it in real life. Feelings of attraction on the part of the teen don’t free the adult from their responsibility not to take advantage of an younger person with less autonomy.
You hit the key point: nothing excuses an adult (male or female) from their responsibility to avoid exercising power over someone less powerful for sexual purposes. Thanks for this post also because it points to an example of how some stereotyped socio-cultural norms about becoming a man can excuse (and even condone, encourage, and glorify) victimization of males as well as females. The Good Men Project is doing us all a service by providing an open and civil forum to discuss and debate what norms we (men and women) invididually want to embrace (or change) to help become, raise, love,… Read more »
Not only that, but even IF you could show that a 14-year old boy “wanted it” every time, he still can’t CONSENT to it if he’s 14. Wanting something and being able to legally consent to it are not the same thing. If I’m running the risk of “infantilising” teenagers, I’ll take that risk.
I don’t think our “infantlizing” them at all Anonymous Male. Teenagers can’t consent because biologically, their minds and bodies aren’t done completely growing. They are stuck in an inbetween of childhood and adulthood. There are parts of the brain that aren’t fully grown yet that make teenagers take more risks because they haven’t yet fully developed all facets of their biology that gives them equal footing in making sound adult choices. They might be more adult then their 10 year old selves, but that’s a far cry from being able to make the same aware and balanced choices a full… Read more »
Interestingly, here in Canada 14 IS the age of consent. I wonder how this would be reported here.
Fortunately, switchintoglide, there are laws that supercede the age of consent as far as those people who are in authority or trust are concerned. Even though a child may LEGALLY be able to consent to a sexual relationship with a teacher or coach, the mere fact that the person holds that position of authority is coercion (per se) that is understand. Therefore, that person in that position of authority is held to a higher standard of responsibility in ensuring that child is safe. They have a responsibility for that child’s well-being. Using their position to sexually abuse a child who… Read more »
Actually….”It is now illegal for adults in Canada to have sex with a partner under the age of 16, one of the new provisions of the Tories’ violent crime law that came into effect on Thursday.”
That’s from a CBC article dated May 1, 2008.
Don’t believe for one moment that you know everything about anything because you don’t. No Sea Collapse here..
I would rather believe in the cops who help protect our children and teenagers from sexual exploiation by sexual predators any day. Think you know more than the cops Luke?
Child Exploitation & Online Protection Center (CEOP) Cop Talks About Social Stigma Faced By Boys Who Are Sexually Abused By Women
http://www.twitvid.com/56361
“MILFs” and “cougars” are just convenient words to avoid having to refer to women as sex offenders. They are the words of societal denial of the female sexual predator nothing more.
I think in some cases you are right. Some of these “cougar” types are after 25-year-old men, but quite a few of them (from what I’ve seen and heard) don’t hesitate to go after the younger (17 and younger) ones because they know they stand a good change of not getting caught due to mainstream attitudes that make sexually abused boys out to be the “lucky ones.”
I am the same age as Lance, posting above. I understand his post completely. There is not a singe one of my friends moms (or teachers) for that matter than I was ever sexually attracted to. I don’t know where all this female sexual abuse (and let’s not kid ourselves that is exactly what is is, abuse) has come from. I don’t recall young female teachers chasing after 14 year old boys and all the other despicable acts we see in the news today. It is disgusting the glorification of the word MILF and the “Cougar” references made on televisions… Read more »
The thing is that it is not really about sexual fantasy. It is about the predatory nature of such “relationships” and how social perceptions do not typically match a person’s actual response. For instance, in high school a number of boys were interested in a female English teacher. She was also one of the soccer coaches. Some of the boys ended up on her team. At one point she came into the locker room while they were changing. These same boys who talked constantly about “doing” her immediately complained to the dean about her coming into the locker room while… Read more »
“Just because a boy fantasizes about being with an older woman does not mean he actually wants to do that.”
That’s a really great point that could be applied to boys and girls. But especially for boys since, like you said, the perception is that boys and men “always want it”.
I have never understood the cougar/milf/Mrs Robinson “thing” guys obsess over. I was a teenager in the 1980s and I saw my friends moms as old ladies even though they were in their 30s and 40s. I write a lot about how my generation (i’m 40) doesn’t act/behave the same way my parents generation did. We tend to act “younger”. We talk younger, listen to music and watch movies younger, and stay sexualized in ways that I can’t explain. When I was 14 I was giggling at the word boobies and I thought the movie Porkys was porn that I… Read more »