Politics, sex, marriage, and religion. Is there anything else you shouldn’t bring up on a first date? Maybe personal hygiene and possibly your single-player online fantasy game career (sorry, Draco), but I think those four are a good starting point.
But, there’s still a way you can talk about those things without actually talking about them. Over at OKCupid, their latest dating survey has determined the “Best Questions to Ask on a First Date.” You can find out all the info you really want by just asking some vague, random, really weird questions. Because why be honest and upfront if you don’t have to?
Will you sleep with me on the first date?
Instead, ask, “Do you like the taste of beer?
Apparently beer drinkers are 60 percent more likely to have sex on the first date. Also, guys who answer yes to these questions are much more likely to have sex on the first date:
- In a certain light, wouldn’t nuclear war be exciting?
- Assuming you were in the position to do so, would you launch nuclear weapons under any circumstances?
- Could you imagine yourself killing someone?
War! Beer! Sex! Man! So don’t be freaked out. She probably doesn’t want you to join some cult or help her murder someone, she might just want to know if you want to have sex.
Does this have long-term potential?
Instead, ask your date and yourself:
- Do you like horror movies?
- Have you ever traveled around another country alone?
- Wouldn’t it be fun to throw everything away and go live on a sailboat?
If you agree on all three things, save yourself the time and just propose right there (you always carry a spare ring, right?). Thirty-two percent of successful OKCupid couples answered all three questions the same way.
Do we agree on politics?
Instead, ask, “Do you prefer the people in your life to be simple or complex?”
Simple? It’s a 2:1 chance she’s conservative. Complex? it’s a 2:1 chance she’s liberal. I will refrain from any further commentary because I am above that.
Are you religious?
Instead, ask, “Do spelling and grammar mistakes annoy you?”
If she can just let the mistakes go, there’s more than 2:1 odds that she’s at least moderately religious. Which makes complete sense … until I think back to high school and the nightmares I had about not using “the fact that” in my essays. Brother George yelling at us, repeating it over and over. The fact that! That fact that! His face spinning in a circle, out in the darkness like the twilight zone. Every night.
Wait, why are my palms sweating?