If you’re a macho dancer who didn’t smile for pictures as a kid, do not get married. It will end badly.
High testosterone levels are not a good indicator of a successful marriage. In fact, if your manliness exceeds a certain level, your chances of splitting with your wife increase 43 percent. Women want men more like themselves—to a point.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, dancers and choreographers, I’ve got some bad news for you, too. Whether you’re one or the other, you face a 43.05 percent chance of divorce. Well, at least Mark Madsen’s finally got something going for him.
That is, unless he didn’t smile in pictures as a kid. For those of you who failed to show your teeth back in the day, you’ve increased your chances of getting divorced by five. Anyone thinking about proposing? Check her yearbook photo before you buy the ring.
And from the “least surprising discoveries department,” if you’ve lived with a woman other than your wife, your chances of divorce double. Even if you lived with your wife before the big day, your chances of marital problems increase. That makes living at home sound even better. Wait… no, no it doesn’t.
There is one way to combat this: become an agricultural engineer. It’s not foolproof, but it should work 98.22 percent of the time. If that’s too boring for you, other low-risk jobs like dentistry, farming, ranching, nuclear engineering, or optometry all have low divorce rates.
If you’re the picky type and you want an exciting job with a stable marriage, try extreme sports or professional football. Head injuries yield a 17.1 percent chance of divorce—lower than the national average.