This morning, Tom Matlack, founder of the GMP, was interviewed on NECN’s The Morning Show. Tom spoke with host Steve Aveson about the child rape scandal at Penn State, why it all shouldn’t be surprising, and how we can go about changing things. Check out the video above.
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This is such an important issue, and it is unfortunate that instead of dealing with it seriously we got the “it’s all teh menz fault” feminist talking points. Child abuse is not limited to male-run institutions or only committed by men, and playing that game insults the men and boys who are victims of abuse.
As a male survivor I am well aware that feminists do not take sexual violence against males seriously, so I am hardly surprised by the “the real problem’s that teh menz run things” direction the interview took. However, that sentiment does not encourage more men and boys to come forward, and it does not deal with actual problems that cause abuse or cause people to fail to step up and prevent it. It is a great talking point, but that is all that it is.
And on that note, the recently released phone call between Bobby Davis, the young man accusing Bernie Fine of molesting him, and Fine’s wife Laurie Fine revealed that Laurie not only knew her husband was abusing Davis and failed to stop or report him, but she also had an affair with Davis shortly after he turned eighteen. The idea that if more women were involved in situations no children would ever get abused is absolute nonsense. People turn blind eyes, not just men.
Jacob – I agree with much of what you have said. Blind eyes get turned – but so many think they have perfect vision and that blinds them just as much more!
I have a slightly different take. I keep hearing the “Old Boys Network” – OBN “Trope”, but I think it’s the wrong label or even metaphor. Abuse, in it’s widest sense, and failings in dealing with it is “Institutional” in nature.
PSU, Police, Government Agencies – all too often they receive report and don’t pursue it with vigor. It does not happen just in child abuse, but in so many fields – sexuality, disability, race, gender and age.
There has been so much evidence for so long of all forms of abuse that institutions have no excuse for NOT being aware, prepared and proactive in dealing with it. In the PSU case alone there are dozens of failings by many different institutions. Maybe they need to employ a few History majors to learn the lessons that are already out there?
Many people, myself and yourself included, have had to deal with different forms of abuse and we know more about it that we would like. Many others, in fact the vast majority of people, have no experience, so they are judging it all from what they know – or what they thought they knew. People thought they knew college sports – and even supposedly knew all about Penn State. Then it has all blown up in people’s faces.
It’s easy to look for scape goats and quick labels – and with PSU it’s even easier – it’s all fraternity, powerful sports characters – so lets hang a hat on the OBN. It may even be informed by known behavior from within experience of the commercial world where there are many OBNs.
That quick labeling is bad management! It’s inventing an easy bogey man! Good management comes from knowing the issues and big picture and making informed and well judged decisions and actions.
Child abuse is not confined to sports venues and coaches. What has to be learned and understood is that abuse can happen anywhere. The most common venue is the home! The most common abuser is a family member. The way to deal with it is by vigilance – and that is vigilance by all adults.
Institutions need to do it better – and I bet that so many are working on that right now to avoid potential future litigation risk. But every Joe and Joanna on the street has to be responsible too!
Abuse has to also be accepted as abuse – and abusers accepted as abusers. No Other labels apply – male – female – all labels of sexuality are no use – age is no value either!
If people want to profile abusers it’s easy – Just go to the mirror, look at yourself and add some nasty intent. That is what abusers look like.
If you ignore that, you put a child at risk and many others too! It has nothing to do with OBN or any other labels people want to use as a quick fix! Look in the mirror and see the reality!
A great many seem to be attempting to distance themselves from any characteristic that could get them even near being in the profile of an abuser – and that is a massive mistake. They think they now know about abusers, it’s been in the media. People are worried about what kids are learning from the media and yet fail to grasp that they are learning too, and getting so much wrong.
That blindness allows abuse – and that makes abuse victims who then have to fight to become survivors.
I support abuse survivors – but I wish that so many people would stop attempting to distance themselves from abusers, because if there is one thing that PSU and Syracuse is making clear – that mental distance and comfort zone only does one thing – It blinds you to looking at the person next to you and seeing what they are getting up to! Turning a blind eye is one thing – being willfully blind in clear sight is quite another.
It’s the old bot network is it?
So exactly how is the New Guy Network going to be any better?
..and who is responsible for that?
Blame games and labels are as old as the hills – but if you look at the hills and see them as not your problem, you fail to climb to the top and get a good clear view of the world.
Abusers know that people are willfully blind – so if you aint willing to look in a mirror, you are aiding and abetting and have no defense.
And, I would point out in the Penn State case and Catholic Church cases, there were women who were part of the cover ups. Even the supposedly “male only” insitutions are not strictly male institutions.
Lets not forget the feminist abuse abuse industry and academic feminism – both involved in whats probably the largest abuse cover-up on record – the myth that abuse is mainly gendered.
I’m disappointed you chose to censor my comment Tom. For someone who publicly claims to be trying to opening up a conversation, censorship seems an odd tool to do that.
My point was better made by the feminist traumatologist Judith Herman in “Trauma and Recovery” 20 years ago, so I leave TGMP with her wise words:
“To study psychological trauma is to come face to face both with human vulnerability in the natural world and with the capacity for evil in human nature. To study psychological trauma means bearing witness to horrible events. When the events are natural disasters or “acts of God,” those who bear witness sympathize readily with the victim. But when the traumatic events are of human design, those who bear witness are caught in the conflict between victim and perpetrator. It is morally impossible to remain neutral in this conflict. The bystander is forced to take sides. It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator.
All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of pain. The victim demands action, engagement, and remembering. Leo Eitinger, a psychiatrist who has studied survivors of the Nazi concentration camps, describes the cruel conflict of interest between victim and bystander: “War and victims are something the community wants to forget; a veil of oblivion is drawn over everything painful and unpleasant. We find the two sides face to face; on one side the victims who perhaps wish to forget but cannot, and on the other all those with strong, often unconscious motives who very intensely both wish to forget and succeed in doing so. The contrast. . . is frequently very painful for both sides. The weakest one . . . remains the losing party in this silent and unequal dialogue.
In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. Secrecy and silence are the perpetrator’s first line of defense. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure that no one listens. To this end, he marshals an impressive array of arguments, from the most blatant denial to the most sophisticated and elegant rationalization. After every atrocity one can expect to hear the same predictable apologies: it never happened; the victim lies; the victim exaggerates; the victim brought it upon herself; and in any case it is time to forget the past and move on. The more powerful the perpetrator, the greater is his prerogative to name and define reality, and the more completely his arguments prevail.”
Allan – the quote chosen is valid and very powerful.
On the other hand – it just shows how the author has gender bias. It’s so revealing how the Perp – Victim dynamic is spoken about – and how it shifts from gender neutral to Perp=Masculine – Victim=Feminine. So many just don’t even notice it until they have it pointed out.
“… If he cannot silence her absolutely…” why the gender polarization and bias?
Odd how the extract calls upon The Holocaust, but then slips into the view that would indicate only Jewish Women were subject to genocide. And the estimated 3 million men – they just expired and don’t count?
The book has much to recommend it – but it’s over 15 years old and very much of it’s time. It would benefit greatly from a complete update and re-edit to address all the research since it was written – and even relevant shifts away from gender bias to gender neutrality.
I hoped in this case, the irony of it would come through. In this case, women have all the power “to name and define reality, and the more completely (her) arguments prevail.”
Just reverse the genders and it’s right on target.
As many have said, it’s about power not sex. Sometimes woman have the power.