A few days ago, I was reading a terrible article (the link to which I have subsequently and unfortunately lost) about Dating Tips for Short Men. It was, predictably, kind of awful, full of ideas about the right kind of shoe to wear to give yourself that crucial two extra inches. I decided that I could totally write better dating advice for straight short men, so here I am.
1) Congrats, you can filter out women who are terrible.
There are some women who are just horribly unattracted to men that are shorter than them. Oh well, nothing one can do about that, it’s their personal preference and I hope someday they find the basketball player of their dreams. But most of the women who only like tall dudes and won’t even consider a dude who’s below six feet? Are terrible people. They only are attracted to men who perform some bullshit notion of masculinity, even down to things that they have absolutely no control over. Either they haven’t questioned the received notions of gender or, even worse, they questioned them and decided they were totally awesome and definitely something they wanted to pay attention to.
This relates to a concept I like to call the Jerk Detector. A Jerk Detector is a trait about yourself that comes up fairly early on in the dating process that weeds out the jerks from the nice people. If you’re a virgin (or, conversely, a slut) and your partner freaks out about it, they were probably a jerk and you should be happy that you didn’t end up dating them. If you’re a woman or usually taken as one, hairy armpits work great, because anyone who kicks up a fuss about a bit of fur is probably a Grade A Thinks They Have The Right To Control Your Body asshole. (Note for the idiots in the back: not being attracted to people with hairy armpits is not being a jerk; throwing a fit because the person you’re sleeping with/dating has hairy armpits is. It’s their body and their choice.) Now, there are occasionally nice people filtered out by a Jerk Detector, which is unfortunate, but think about all the time you save not dating jerks! Jerk Detectors are very efficient and I would like to recommend them to everyone.
(Note to women: if you only like tall men, you might want to consider whether that’s about your sexual preferences, or just about bullshit gender conditioning that seeped in your brain.)
2) Don’t necessarily assume that tall women won’t want to date you.
Some tall women won’t. Some tall women will. To quote the eternal wisdom of Shit My Dad Says, “out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won’t screw you, don’t do it for them.” (This also applies, of course, to men and nonbinaries.) I’m reasonably tall and have a vagina, and yet I’ve dated men who barely come up to my nose. It happens!
3) Be confident in yourself– you’re attractive regardless of your height.
Here’s a secret: even women who don’t care about height will sometimes look for men taller than them. Why? Because some short men consider it emasculating to date women who are taller than them. That’s fucking bullshit. The last thing most women want to do is spend their lives reassuring their partners that, no, really, they have not magically turned into a girl just because they’re dating someone taller than them. Don’t be that guy. Not only is it poisonous to your relationship, but it’s a toxin spreading to the girl’s future relationships and those of the friends she complains to, hence potentially leaving dozens of short men out in the cold. Have some care for the rest of the short-man community.
The best part is that this doesn’t even require being confident in your attractiveness, which I know many of my readers have difficulty with. It just requires knowing, deep in your soul, that if you are in a loving relationship with an attractive, interesting woman who is taller than you, you are still in a loving relationship with an attractive, interesting woman, and that the height difference makes absolutely no difference in your manhood or masculinity whatsoever.
4) Let your girlfriend wear high heels if she wants to.
Some women, inexplicably, like wearing high heels. Some women can’t wear high heels, however, because if they did they’d be taller than their boyfriends. These women like wearing high heels, however, so they solve this problem by only dating men who are not just taller than them but significantly so. This cycle creates incredible trouble for the short men of the world, who are limited to a dating pool of only women who are about three inches shorter than they are, a tiny group. (Heh. Tiny.) Therefore, there is only one solution to this problem: tell your damn girlfriend to wear high heels if she wants you. Not only are heels generally considered sexy (…maybe some women’s fondness for wearing them is less inexplicable), but you know people who are looking at you aren’t going to be like “there’s this short guy with his tall girlfriend, he must not be a real man.” They’re thinking “here’s a short dude who is so balls confident he will be all ‘yep, my girlfriend’s in six-inch heels and I am barely up to her shoulder, I see no problem with this state of affairs.’” And that’s kind of awesome.
5) Don’t… go on dating sites that let women search by height?
Thinking of tips is hard.