A recent NYCLU report on sex education in New York’s schools has shown that even the so-called comprehensive sex education which students get in schools is far from anything remotely resembling what I would consider actual sex education.
For instance, a fifth of schools did not mention in their sex education classes that sex was pleasurable. Yes, really. I’m not sure how you manage to talk about sex without mentioning that it’s fun. Little more than half of schools even mentioned the existence of the clitoris, which is a major center of sexual pleasure for most people with vaginas, and of those that did not all defined or diagrammed it. There’s misinformation about STIs, a complete neglect of the existence of queer people, definitions of the vagina as where the “penis fits”… Really, read the whole paper, it’s tragic and I’d refuse to believe it except I totally had ‘comprehensive’ sex education that was just that terrible.
However, I want to specifically draw your attention to the gender stereotypes of men perpetrated in the sex education curricula.
For instance, 17% of districts used material with a strong bias against teen fathers, such as depicting them as deadbeats that would inevitably abandon their children. Most schools only mentioned teen fathers in the context of financially providing for children (i.e., in terms of child support). Only one school recognized that teen fathers have any role in their children’s lives beyond the financial. That’s right, one school realized that teen fathers might want to provide emotional support to the mother of their children, spend time with their children, and make employment and school decisions that will allow them to prioritize their children. I mean. It’s almost as if there are teen fathers who aren’t terrible people.
Lessons about sexual assault regularly erased male survivors by defining rape as “coerced vaginal penetration,” only teaching girls about sexual assault, using female gender pronouns to reference victims and male gender pronouns to reference predators, and explaining how to avoid rape only to girls and how to not rape people only to boys. (The concept of “how to avoid rape” is crappy enough already, but okay.) Similarly, many districts said boys couldn’t control themselves and that if girls wore skimpy clothing then the boys’ penises would COMPEL them to rape women, which is a sexist stereotype of men (and not hella good for women either).
In addition, 24% of districts used material that directly enforced gender stereotypes. Admittedly, some of the gender role enforcement was fairly subtle, such as depicting a man as a football player and a woman as a cheerleader. However, many of the gender stereotypes of men portrayed were hilariously obvious. For instance, a diagram of “the male brain” that shows that men like sex, ball sports, sex, dangerous pursuits, sex, TV, and sex, and dislike communication and anything remotely domestic. Yes, really. That is definitely what I want my hypothetical offspring to be taught about half the human race.
Boys and men are depicted as being obsessed with sex, visually stimulated, and completely uninterested in romantic relationships. Men, you see, are like microwaves, get turned on as soon as they see a hot naked lady (as opposed to women, who are, the textbooks assure us, all demisexual). They will cruelly lead women on and deceive them into believing that they’re in a romantic relationship, but abandon them as soon as they get what they want. Bad boyfriends try to control you or refuse to commit; however, boys are never clingy or enabling of self-destructive behavior, because those are girl things. Men want to “conquer and dominate” and “see women as trophies.”
(As always, I’d like to take a moment to direct people interested in learning more about sex to Scarleteen, one of the largest and most awesome sex education sites I’ve personally had the pleasure of reading. A donation to Scarleteen is one of the best ways to promote free and truly comprehensive sex ed! </PSA>)
… wtf. I had that book too. It’s called It’s Toatally Normal or it’s Totally Natural. Meant for children just approaching puberty. No, people do not figure that out on their own. the first Sex Ed (whcih was comprehensive in name) I had was at teh end of 5th grade so some of the people were getting to the point of relevance, and some people did not know where babies came from at all. I knew that babies grew in mothers from eggs fertilized by sperm but had NO idea where the sperm was supposed to come from and somehow… Read more »
I think five-six is a pretty good age to teach children where babies come from, simply because they’re curious at that age. And by explaining to them, rather than hushing things up, you immediately establish that sex is natural, that there’s nothing shameful about it.
Later, when children hit puberty, you should teach them all the rest of the stuff, everything about sex that isn’t related to baby-making.
Frankly, if teachers are squeamish about explaining condom use in detail, I’d settle for “The instructions for how to use a condom are printed on the inside of the box.” I’ve been with a young man who didn’t even know that. (Granted, he was taught abstinence-only.)
When I was five, I got a book that explained where babies come from. It had big cartoonish ugly pictures of a man and a woman naked, explained the differences between their bodies, and then explained sex. Obviously it was just heterosexual vaginal intercourse since the book was specifically about where babies come from. Anyway. The book did mention that this feels good. Really, really, really good. And then the author went on to ask: “On reading this, you might wonder why grown-ups aren’t making love ALL THE TIME, since it feels so good. The answer is that it’s also… Read more »
At six-years-old, my sister (fresh-faced and full of knowledge thanks to a bit of basic sex-ed from my parents) decided while attending a friend’s birthday party that she would educate her fellow six-year-olds about the nature of sex. Apparently a chalkboard was involved. From the sounds of this, though, she did a better job of it than most New York schools.
IDK, I feel like, should we really have to tell/teach people about “sex being enjoyable”? I mean, doesn’t most people figure that out by themselves, in a process leading up to wanting and having sex? Or am I missing something fundamental here? However, I’d prefer a mention about sex not being equally enjoyable for everybody. As in, not all people have equal lust or drive and it can also be very fluctuating over time. Meaning that you have no obligation to always take care of your partner’s lust if you’re not in the mood to do so. And also that… Read more »
The thing that most stuck out for me from my sex ed classes was in the introductory video of how important sex ed was.
Women in video: Before I took this course, i though blow jobs were something to do with hair dryers!
Course: *completely fails to even mention what blow jobs are*
Me: What the fuck is this shit?! And what are blow jobs anyway?
Took me until I discovered the internet to find out.
“Lessons on reproductive anatomy and basic functions were often inaccurate and incomplete;” Disgusting. Everyone should be able to look at any part of the body and say, “This is what it is; this is what it does.” If you’re not even doing that, you’re not educating. “Moral overtones and shame-based messages regarding sexuality, abstinence, pregnancy and teen parenting strongly pervade instructional materials in all districts—and textbooks in wide use across New York State.” Because you’re not getting enough SHAME SHAME SHAME from church, I reckon. “Many students do not learn the full range of methods for preventing pregnancy or sexually… Read more »
The neglecting sex being enjoyable is a HUGE mistake. Even the basic, biological end-of-elementary school stuff makes NO sense unless it is said that the sexual urge is often a strong and primal one, that most people find it enjoyable, and some mention of the romantic-love-sexual-desire connection.
Ideally the more highschool types of this would do it without making it super heteronormative, but we don’t ahve the tech for genetically engineered winged pigs yet.