Note: After the next few paragraphs, this article contains shirtless people of assorted genders and one fully naked person. If you do not want to see shirtless people of a particular gender or in general, or you are in a working or other environment in which such things would be inappropriate, I advise you go here and look at some manatees saying kind and loving things.
Some nice man at the Guardian thinks so. He opined about the popularity of Magic Mike, saying:
We all know the nude male form is essentially ridiculous, built only for floppy comedy… They all obeyed the first rule of male screen stripping: nobody wants to see the bits… the innate ridiculousness of the male body…
Reaaaaaaally.
Okay, look, dude. You are a straight man. Straight men and lesbians, I am told, are not particularly interested in men’s naked bodies; while they may have a strictly aesthetic appreciation, and while some Kinsey 1s or 5s may occasionally go for a walk on the dudely side, the vast majority of straight men and lesbians don’t fucking like naked men. That’s okay! No one is expecting you to! The incomprehensible ways of monosexuals are part of the diverse fabric of human sexuality. There is no requirement that your cock gets hard or your clit swells when you see every member of humanity.
That doesn’t mean that naked male bodies are inherently hilarious and unattractive. You’re a straight dude! Of course you think that this:
Depicted: the world’s most famous trans male porn star Buck Angel.
is less attractive than this:
Depicted: the fabulous BBW porn star April Flores.
But the thing is that all the straight ladies in the world… well, they think that this:
Depicted: atheist author Greta Christina
Is a hell of a lot less attractive than this:
Depicted: actor John Cho.
The thing that a lot of people don’t understand is that attraction is not a state of someone’s body, but a state of someone else’s mind. You can see this fallacy in a lot of Fifties B-movies, where the slime monster from outer space will of course choose to kidnap a thin blonde girl in high heels to attempt to mate, because thin blonde girls in high heels are objectively hot. However, if you take two moments to actually think about it instead of just following your biases, you’ll realize that of course thin blonde girls in high heels are not hot to slime monsters from outer space. Slime monsters from outer space like other slime monsters from outer space. Thin blonde girls in high heels are disgustingly dry and have this weird skin the color of maggots.
Similarly, you cannot point to a body and be like “that is an attractive body.” Bodies can only be attractive to someone. Attractive to Ozy, perhaps. Attractive to their partner. Attractive to a significant market share of Americans. Whatever. Unfortunately, a lot of time “that is an attractive body” means “that is an attractive body to the editors of Maxim,” which seems to me like a very limiting definition. Only thin white twenty-two-year-old feminine cis women with large breasts get to be attractive, and everyone else gets to be a joke or, at “best,” a fetish object.
Fuck that shit.
Whether you’re attractive is not a decision you get to make. Or me, or your mother, or your best friend, or that person who laughed at you in sixth grade, or the people who ignore you or tell you to fuck off at the bar. Or the asshole at the Guardian, or the editors at Maxim, and certainly not the Great Male Hivemind or the Woman Overmind. The only people who get to decide whether you’re an attractive person are the people who are attracted to you, and guess what? As long as there has been one of them (and I will assure you that at least one person has been attracted to you, although they might not have said it), you are an attractive person.
And therefore all men are attractive.
About ozyfrantz
Okay. Really. You “Good Men” really need to stop writing such readable and quotable articles that happen to be completely accurate. All my social sites will be nothing but links to you.
Thin blonde girls in high heels are disgustingly dry and have this weird skin the color of maggots.
But the heels make them easier to catch.
As long as there has been one of them (and I will assure you that at least one person has been attracted to you, although they might not have said it), you are an attractive person.
Call me oh ye of little faith but assurances, like most talk, is cheap. Props on the kind words but it just doesn’t work that easily for a lot of folks.
I am judging this based on the *inevitable* occurrence that every time I meet someone who has informed me that no one is attracted to them– no, not a single person! For lo, they are objectively ugly– I have wanted to bang them like whoa.
Inevitable? As in “eventually” they will cross paths with someone somewhere that will find them attractive?
Well shit Ozy I didn’t think you were making it conditional on “it will happen sometime before they die”.
While I’m sure the folks you have had such a banging desire for were honestly flattered I still stand by my previous word that it just doesn’t work that easily for a lot of folks.
I think Ozy means that this specific scenario has occured multiple times. Ze finds hirself wildly attracted to them, gets close, and then apparently they consider themselves ugly, which seems to contradict Ozy’s feelings.
Kind words are important, but after a life time of self-esteem problems they’re probably not going to be good enough. Peers, parents, and movies often say things that make us feel ugly or stupid or horrible in some way. Ironically a peer, parent, or movie saying something that strongly implies ‘X’ is almost as powerful as them saying ‘X’ directly and plainly, and peers, parents, and movies are always implying such things all the time. I don’t know your history Danny, but it sounds like you’ve had enough of those moments to cement certain negative ideas about yourself, which means the road of recovering your self esteem isn’t going to be easy. But learning to live with yourself is not something you do because it is easy, why would you expect it to be? No, you recover self-esteem, gain confidence, and learn to live with yourself comfortably because it is ‘effin necessary!
I don’t know your history Danny, but it sounds like you’ve had enough of those moments to cement certain negative ideas about yourself, which means the road of recovering your self esteem isn’t going to be easy.
Actually the moments that are responsible for most of that cement are the very attempts and failures. Yes the stuff that parents, peers, and movies say can be bothersome. But at the end of the day when you look back at your own history and have nothing to show for it, that is what dries the cement.
No the road to recovery won’t be easy.
I didn’t take this article as “it would be easy”. I took it more as a break from the stereotype that female bodies (especially certain types) is the pinnacle of artistic beauty, while the male form is just silly. A stereotype I see and hear pretty often.
Oh I agree with that overall point. What I was talking about was the specific part I quoted. The assurance that there is at least one person out there that finds you attractive, even if they don’t express it, therefore you are attractive. (And I mean this for men and women.)
I say easy because it sounds like that assurance is depending on the sheer impossibility of knowing for certain that absolutely no one finds you attractive. In short, “You can’t possibly know that no one finds you attractive because one you will never cross paths with everyone and two of the ones that you do cross paths with there could be someone that finds you attractive but doesn’t express it.” Seems more like a way to just keep someone from recognizing their situation than actually trying to encourage them.
In short, “It’s not that no one finds you attractive. It’s just that either someone did and hasn’t expressed it or you just haven’t cross paths with such a person yet.”
What ‘situation’ do you want people to be recognizing exactly?
The situation I speak of is the fact that one does not feel attractive and has never received any (or precious little) sort of expression of attraction from someone else.
I’m sure a lot of people would say that needing validations from other people on your own attractiveness is a bad thing . However when you see such validations going on all around you yes there is a feeling of emptiness.
Now I will say that when one recognizes that they are not attractive (via never having anyone express attraction to you, but really if they are attracted to you but never express it it’s going to do you much good) falling into despair is not the best thing they should do (I’m climbing out of it now, it’s ugly down there trust me).
I just think that Ozy’s assurance is a bit of a hard sale to someone that in this situation, and I’m not entirely sure that they should be buying it.
I have struggled all my life with self esteem issues and never feeling attractive. So can relate to the despair. What I’ve learned from 45 years of trying to become a happier person, is that you have to ask whether the feelings you have about yourself are useful or not useful. None of us got to choose our genes, our parents, our childhood experiences and so on. There are some things we can change and many things we can’t. But does sitting around thinking “absolutely no one on the planet thinks I’m attractive” get you anywhere? No. There are plenty of conventionally unattractive people who have boyfriends/girlfriends, get married and have kids and lead perfectly normal and fulfilling lives. And for that matter, standards of conventional attractiveness are often f’ed up. I think many Asian men are very attractive even though our society says otherwise. I was once in a long term relationship with a guy who weighed over 300 pounds and I thought he was attractive because I was in love with him. (I did worry about his health but that is a separate issue). My current boyfriend and I are both dieting. I’ve lost 20 pounds and my boyfriend definitely likes it, but he was also very attracted to me before I lost 20 pounds. I’m 45 and society says I’m too old for any guy to want to have sex with me — but I think my boyfriend would dispute that! We have a great sex life even though neither of us our perfect specimens.
Personally,yeah, I wish I had Scarlet Johannsen’s looks, Einstein’s mind and Bill Gates’ money. Ain’t gonna happen. Meanwhile, life is short and every day you are on the planet is a gift so you might as well try to enjoy it. The little voice that says “no one will ever find me attractive” — that voice is an enemy and you have to ignore it and try to enjoy the tiny little sliver of time that we get on this planet. When I was in my teens and 20′s, I had Idea how short life is. I regret all the time I wasted feeling bad about myself.
But does sitting around thinking “absolutely no one on the planet thinks I’m attractive” get you anywhere? No.
Please be sure to understand that I am trying to advocate just sitting around and wallowing in that despair (as I said I’m climbing out myself right now). What I am trying to say is that just pretending the despair isn’t there is not the way to go. And that’s kinda what I think the assurance I originally quoted was doing. Ignoring the realities of people who don’t feel attractive.
What I’ve learned from 45 years of trying to become a happier person, is that you have to ask whether the feelings you have about yourself are useful or not useful.
Agreed. I’ve been trying to change those feelings for a long time as that is a crucial part of climbing out of the despair. Which again is why I say we can’t just ignore the despair. We have to confront it, examine it, learn from it, and beat it.
The little voice that says “no one will ever find me attractive” — that voice is an enemy and you have to ignore it and try to enjoy the tiny little sliver of time that we get on this planet.
I’ve tried ignoring it. It didn’t for me (and I bet it hasn’t worked for others as well). But I agree that that voice is an enemy that must be dealt with.
Personally,yeah, I wish I had Scarlet Johannsen’s looks, Einstein’s mind and Bill Gates’ money.
About 10 years ago I would have said something similar (swap Scarlet Johannsen for Shemar Moore). But at this point I would rather just come across
somethingsomeone that finds me attractive as I am. Up until a month ago all I knew for sure was that I had not come across such a person for an EXTREMELY long time (that would be middle school, I’m 31 BTW). And there are folks out there who actually say NEVER rather than extremely long time.(You see there is something lying at the bottom of this that tends to bother me. It seems that when someone, especially a guy but I bet it’s the same for women too, remarks about how they are unattractive and/or have never crossed paths with anyone that thinks they are attractive and expressed it there is a rush to conclude that the only reason for that happening is either simply hadn’t met them yet or they must be doing something wrong that makes them unattractive. The first reason weighs heavy on the soul especially when it goes on for a long time. Weighing so heavy on the soul that the first reason may even be a cause for the second reason. Having never had any attraction expressed towards them they fall into despair, just so someone can come along and totally ignore all that time before the despair and say, “Well look at how you are down on yourself. Of course no one will find you attractive!” Technically the current despair is making them unattractive now but it doesn’t speak to the original long time of never having any attraction expressed towards them before despair set in. Now it would be nice and neat to say just ignore all that pre-despair emptiness, but that again seems to be just telling them to pretend it didn’t happen.)
Yeah, when I am feeling depressed, I just want to punch the chipper people who tell me to smile and look on the bright side and “you’ll meet the right person someday” and “everything happens for a reason” and all that crap!
The only wisdom I’ve learned is that it is possible to choose to be happier despite crappy circumstances.
No. There are plenty of conventionally unattractive people who have boyfriends/girlfriends, get married and have kids and lead perfectly normal and fulfilling lives.
I know that. But that little fact does nothing but tell me that I’m even more ugly/unattractive/unwanted than those people…
Also, please refrain from assuming that all “we” do is sit around and wallow in self-pity.
Oh c’mon and seriously bite me, Ozy. Everyone looks better with their clothes off. Look, we solved all these problems in he 1960s. The incredible number of straw men and women on this site are dismaying.
We solved these problems in the 1960s. Everyone looks better with their clothes off. I don’t know why this needs revisiting.
Frankly, I actuallys trongly disagree, and I think that I look better with my clothes on. However, I think that I look worst of all with ugly or ill-fitting clothes on.
Trust me …no wants to see me sans clothes…..I’ve never turned on a woman with my looks…..My only saving grace was that tiny sub-set of women that can get powerfully turned on by the mind/personality rather than the physical…..And the almost unbelievable good luck to have known a few of them.
i am so incredibly disappointed. i thought for sure that an article entitled, ‘is male nudity inherently ridiculous?’ and claiming to have a fully nude picture of someone, would, of course include a picture of a fully naked man. bummer.
On behalf of the Good Men Project, I apologize and offer some emergency backup male nudity: http://goodmenproject.com/the-good-life/body-image-2/im-stark-naked-deal-with-it/
I think they’re all hot. Uh, do feel free to point us in the direction of more.
Speaking as a H/JJ-cup, traditionally attractive women have tiny boobs (except Christina Hendricks).
It did get a little carebears at the end there, but the point still stands that everyone has different tastes and someone’s taste might be you.
Now I’m off to look at Neil Patrick Harris because objectively in my objective mind you objectively posted the wrong pictures, in the objective, because I am objectively the avatar of objective taste.
Regarding very large breasts, I’ve always gone by the assumption that large breasts that are real are considered too saggy by lad’s mags directors types (the ones who seem to be setting the standard for what those attracted to breasts are supposed to like in cliche, if not reality). It’s got to be fake and large, or real but small and perky, and definitely not so small that they are not sufficiently round. As for what’s traditionally attractive, beauty fashions are changing all the time because beauty itself is a fashion.
I think variety in the nude form is nice. Like art, sometimes it takes a while to understand how to appreciate the variance (even if you still have a favorite).
I think you’ve got to be blind or pretty insecure to arbitrarily decide that male nudity is ridiculous. If you identify as a straight male, like I do, then what basis do you have for liking your own body if you can’t find other men attractive? Like you said, you don’t have to get hard looking at another man, but you should be able to realize that men come in different bodies and different flavours, just like women.
I think you’re seting up a false dichotomy between ” Ridiculous” and “Attractive” here. Women frequently use laughter to release sexual tension, so when it comes to naked men, there’s really quite a lot of overlap.
In fairness to the author, I think it’s the *culture* that sets up the false dichotomy here (read the article in the Guardian). And as far as I can tell, naked women can be pretty ridiculous as well, and plenty of men think so. This whole ‘female sensuality’ thing is mostly just a media creation. Let’s face it: sex is a pretty weird and funny thing at it’s core. All we really need is an equivalent ‘sensual nude male’ archetype to take up the slack…
Agree. Everyone is sexy and everyone is weird (and don’t trust anyone who says otherwise). But it’s true that naked men are portrayed in media in silly ways.
Oh my goodness. You kids!
We adult women love and appreciate male nudity and we love it in movies. The male body is beautiful, mysterious and enjoyable. I don’t care if a man is fit, fat or somewhere in between. They are breathtaking. We like looking at males. Especially without their clothing.
I can’t begin to tell you how thrilling it was to see Joe Lo Truglio in Wanderlust. I can’t begin to tell you how terribly disappointed I was to learn that he was fitted with a prosthetic device.
Here we’re thinking that Movie Land has finally provided some real male nudity and then it turns out they were just playing with us. Faking it. Poop on them! They DO think male nudity is a joke, don’t they. Well they are wrong. How are men supposed to feel when they find out that movie makers think their bodies are so deficient on their own that they have to put hardware (software?) on them to display them. That is unfair to men.
If I find out that Jason Segel was wearing a prosthetic device in Forgetting Sarah Marshall I am going to give up all hope. If Michael Fassbender was not really himself in Shame I may just stop watching movies!
I have never understood why American filmmakers are so ashamed of the male body. They don’t seem to be ashamed of the female body.
“We adult women love and appreciate male nudity and we love it in movies. ”
So tell me, was it kind of loud when every single adult woman in the world told you her opinion?
I guess it must have been that, rather than you just giving us your own opinion and claiming/assuming you speak on behalf of all adult women. (If nothing else I know you don’t speak for the queer ones)
Really? Really? REALLY?
Uh, I’m a queer gal and I like seeing naked guys. When you’re admonishing someone for speaking for a demographic (in the grand old tradition of hyperbole), be sure not to do exactly the same thing in the same breath. Also, I don’t know what definition of queer you’re going by, but it needs to be updated. My gender and sexual identity has little to absolutely no bearing on what gender expression and genitalia I find attractive.
Very well said.
Good point, I’m a straight female but I can appreciate a beautiful woman. I’ve always had a girl crush on the young Elizabeth Taylor. She was gorgeous! That doesn’t mean I’m gay. At least I don’t think so.
Whether you’re attractive is not a decision you get to make.
I never claimed it is my decision.
I go solely by the words or reactions of any person I asked to meet me, to date me, or to have sex with me.
The only people who get to decide whether you’re an attractive person are the people who are attracted to you
I find it a bit odd that the ones who aren’t, don’t have a say in this. Especially if I haven’t met the one who’s attracted to me yet.
I think what gets lost is the difference between aesthetic beauty and attractiveness (both physical and other types). There are some women that I see and think “wow, that woman is stunningly beautiful” and others I see and think “wow, I must find a way to impregnate that woman.” and still others I see and think “despite the fact that she is ___ (obese, short, tall, whatever) she has a great face and great hair and that is sexy”
All three of these feelings that these women elicit in me (and perhaps a few others I may have but may be unaware of) are all about both attraction AND aesthetics, but each feeling is very different. And this is before personality gets involved.
Does anyone else have this complicated view of attraction, or is should I be getting help for this?
“and I will assure you that at least one person has been attracted to you, although they might not have said it”
And why exactly would you “assure” me of this? Cus it appears to be a wildly blind assumption to me <_<.
I really like this.
I keep trying to convince my boyfriend that his body is not inherently unattractive. He keeps saying “the female form is so much nicer” but he’s a straight guy; he obviously thinks so! As a pansexual person, I can confirm that no gender is more naturally attractive than another. I hate to think that some guys think only women can look good naked.
Man, I wish I could see whatever the last image is. I refreshed and scrolled. All I see is a white box with an “x” in it.