Note: After the next few paragraphs, this article contains shirtless people of assorted genders and one fully naked person. If you do not want to see shirtless people of a particular gender or in general, or you are in a working or other environment in which such things would be inappropriate, I advise you go here and look at some manatees saying kind and loving things.
Some nice man at the Guardian thinks so. He opined about the popularity of Magic Mike, saying:
We all know the nude male form is essentially ridiculous, built only for floppy comedy… They all obeyed the first rule of male screen stripping: nobody wants to see the bits… the innate ridiculousness of the male body…
Okay, look, dude. You are a straight man. Straight men and lesbians, I am told, are not particularly interested in men’s naked bodies; while they may have a strictly aesthetic appreciation, and while some Kinsey 1s or 5s may occasionally go for a walk on the dudely side, the vast majority of straight men and lesbians don’t fucking like naked men. That’s okay! No one is expecting you to! The incomprehensible ways of monosexuals are part of the diverse fabric of human sexuality. There is no requirement that your cock gets hard or your clit swells when you see every member of humanity.
That doesn’t mean that naked male bodies are inherently hilarious and unattractive. You’re a straight dude! Of course you think that this:
Depicted: the world’s most famous trans male porn star Buck Angel.
is less attractive than this:
Depicted: the fabulous BBW porn star April Flores.
But the thing is that all the straight ladies in the world… well, they think that this:
Depicted: atheist author Greta Christina
Is a hell of a lot less attractive than this:
Depicted: actor John Cho.
The thing that a lot of people don’t understand is that attraction is not a state of someone’s body, but a state of someone else’s mind. You can see this fallacy in a lot of Fifties B-movies, where the slime monster from outer space will of course choose to kidnap a thin blonde girl in high heels to attempt to mate, because thin blonde girls in high heels are objectively hot. However, if you take two moments to actually think about it instead of just following your biases, you’ll realize that of course thin blonde girls in high heels are not hot to slime monsters from outer space. Slime monsters from outer space like other slime monsters from outer space. Thin blonde girls in high heels are disgustingly dry and have this weird skin the color of maggots.
Similarly, you cannot point to a body and be like “that is an attractive body.” Bodies can only be attractive to someone. Attractive to Ozy, perhaps. Attractive to their partner. Attractive to a significant market share of Americans. Whatever. Unfortunately, a lot of time “that is an attractive body” means “that is an attractive body to the editors of Maxim,” which seems to me like a very limiting definition. Only thin white twenty-two-year-old feminine cis women with large breasts get to be attractive, and everyone else gets to be a joke or, at “best,” a fetish object.
Fuck that shit.
Whether you’re attractive is not a decision you get to make. Or me, or your mother, or your best friend, or that person who laughed at you in sixth grade, or the people who ignore you or tell you to fuck off at the bar. Or the asshole at the Guardian, or the editors at Maxim, and certainly not the Great Male Hivemind or the Woman Overmind. The only people who get to decide whether you’re an attractive person are the people who are attracted to you, and guess what? As long as there has been one of them (and I will assure you that at least one person has been attracted to you, although they might not have said it), you are an attractive person.
And therefore all men are attractive.