Others may be more important, or starker, or more common, but the gendered behavior I find most puzzling is the unsolicited genitalia picture.
Seriously. There is a (small, but evident) group of men who think the single most attractive thing they can do is send a woman they barely know a picture of their erect penis, to the point that nearly all my female and female-assigned friends who do online dating have received a dick pic. (Although I do not know any men who have sex with men well enough to inquire of them, commenters are encouraged to share their experiences about whether this is strictly a straightboy thing.)
Why? Why? WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS? I mean, most men who like women are not attracted to a random disembodied vulva floating in space; why would they assume women who like men are attracted to a random disembodied cock? (Of course, there are people who are attracted to random disembodied vulvas/cocks, but I’m fairly comfortable with saying they’re in the strict minority.)
Side note to those who are considering sending a dick pic to a woman: please do not send one unless it is specifically requested, and I mean “I would like a picture of your penis” specifically requested. If she just asks for a sexy or naked picture, then take a picture of your torso, ass, or full body. Your dick can certainly be in the picture, but it should not be the starring role (barring being able to suck your own cock, or other exceptional traits).
For everyone else: I will now speculate about why people do this. If you have personal experience, please do elaborate in the comments.
1) Penises stick out, and therefore are easier to take pictures of than vulvas; if you could take a picture of your vulva without contorting into some completely awful position, then a whole bunch of women would be sending allegedly sexy but actually gynecological vulva pictures.
2) A lot of people believe that penises are the male equivalent of breasts. (This showed up in the comments on my post last week about why women should be allowed to take their shirts off in public– “I don’t want to see penises waving about in public, so it makes sense we’re not allowed to wave breasts about in public!”) Therefore, just like men are famously attracted to breasts, women are attracted to penises! Except that the male equivalent to a female chest is, you know, a male chest.
3) A lot of men are under the impression that male chests and asses are not a sexual thing to women, possibly related to the widespread cultural insistence that the only physical trait that matters is a large penis. (This has been changing recently to the insistence that there is such a thing as male beauty and it is defined as HUGE MUSCLES, but the first idea still exists.) I have no idea how they’ve managed to keep this idea. Do I need to show you people more pictures of hot shirtless men? Because I will.
4) The idea that every woman is incredibly attracted to a large penis, and that by taking a picture of your cock you’re showing that you have a large penis, which is hence very attractive.
5) The theory espoused in this Reproductive Health Reality Check article, i.e. gendered responses to insecurity (such as the insecurity involved in hitting on someone via the Internet). Men tend to respond to insecurity through asserting their physical superiority (“look at me, I’ve got a giant cock!”) whereas women tend to respond through seeking reassurance.
6) Men are incredibly more likely to hit on women on online dating sites than women are to hit on men. In particular, terrible men make up a substantial percentage of any woman’s inbox on online dating sites, as they will copy-paste the same “hey sexxxxxxxy ur cute wanna fuk?” message to two hundred women, while the decent people will send a thoughtful message to people they like. It only takes a few terrible men sending pictures of their penises to hundreds of women to make sure everyone online gets one.
7) Emotional armor. Hitting on someone makes you incredibly vulnerable– just think about the fear of rejection!– and the male gender role is about not being vulnerable. For some reason, a penis picture may make them feel less vulnerable. (If nothing else, they are literally showing that they have the balls to do it.)
Anyway, that’s all the theories I have. Add your own in the comments.
About ozyfrantz
Heh. I am at a loss to interpret these last few comments.
Here’s a hint FlyingKal and AnonymousDog: maybe you’re having so much difficulty trying to figure out “what women are attracted to” because the female hivemind is not actually a thing. An idea worth considering perhaps?
Personally, my boyfriend lying naked around the house is almost definitely going to result in “hunger and lust in my eyes”, which will usually be expressed by telling him that “he and his body is attractive and sexy and evoke urges in me” (or, you know, just simply pouncing on him). If this really bothers you maybe this is something you should talk about with your girlfriend? So many women are taught to be ashamed of expressing sexual desire – as for acting instead of reacting men in my experience do not necessarily understand what that comprehends. If you really want your partner to start taking the initiative it’s important to understand that a) that means sometimes finding yourself in the awkward possition of having to deal with unexpected or unwanted behaviour in a sensitive way and b) sometimes it’s very hard to reverse the social conditioning of a lifetime.
To IloveEdinburgh:
Heh, you know, the male hivemind is not a thing either.
It’s kind of funny that you start off with that remark about “the female hivemind is not actually a thing”, and then goes on to rant about how any script that doesn’t fit in your experience about male/female behaviour doesn’t actually exist…
a) You do not know what I have done, what I’ve tried to do, and how I’ve been met in my life, so please refrain from pretending that you do.
b) Yes, and that should apply to anyone, not just females, you know?
Um, rather confused again. I did not state that “men do this”, rather that “in my experience a lot of men do this”. Am I not allowed to have past experiences now, because I believe that humans are individuals rather than two big borgs? Saying “men (having been socially conditioned to see themselves as the active party in heterosexual relationships) often do not realise what being on the other side means” is totally different to saying “what do those mysterious creatures what already?!”
Also, I did not tell you what you have done, what you’ve tried to do or how you’ve been met (by whom? where? wha?!). Where on earth did you get that from? As for b): yes. That was kind of my entire point.
Also, “ick” for referring to women as “females”, but that’s another story I suppose….
(Cheez, I hate this division between older/newer comments…!)
Um, rather confused again. I did not state that “men do this”, rather that “in my experience a lot of men do this”. Am I not allowed to have past experiences now, because I believe that humans are individuals rather than two big borgs?
You are allowed to whatever. It’s just makes for a nicer discussion climate when you allow for other the same leeway that you expect for yourself.
I was just like you talking about my own experiences. Just because they contradict yours doesn’t mean that either of them should be used to try and erase the others.
“Also, I did not tell you what you have done” etc.
Stating that maybe this or that is something I should try or do, clearly implies that you don’t consider it something I may have already tried or done.
Also, “ick” for referring to women as “females”, but that’s another story I suppose….
Yes…?
Also, when I read the post by “Sarah” above, zie seems to have a view and experience that go quite well along the lines of what I presume that my girlfriend is experiencing, WRT not being very visual or turned on by just looking at a male body. But that doesn’t seem to be of interest, and it would be interesting to know if there’s a special reason to this?
Where even are the older comments? This is so confusing *_*
Anyway I do have to say, it must be tough for men to understand what it’s like to grow up with the premise that you are a sexual object to be examined, found worthy and used by others, devoid of your own sexual drive. The passivity encouraged in women is very hard to overcome.
And, it probably doesn’t help that from the tween years on, women are exposed to a barrage of sexual attention that can range from flattering to completely traumatic. For me, that was the toughest hangup to kick when it came to approaching men or even just initating sex with a trusted partner. So many sexual experiences I had as a young woman were based upon something less than enthusiastic consent, and more or less unpleasant, that I was really worried about being too aggressive or demanding toward my own partners. I didn’t want to make them feel how I had once felt.
ILE is so right when she says that having your partner take the initiative presents issues of its own – “that means sometimes finding yourself in the awkward possition of having to deal with unexpected or unwanted behaviour in a sensitive way”, etc. Changing a sexual dynamic between two people is not an easy thing to do.
I suppose there may also be issues of different sexual responses going on here, for example, women who need more foreplay than our male partners or are not very visually oriented. But I’d say it’s almost impossible to know which of those things are hardwired and which are not. Personally I’ve found that changing my framework for how sex is supposed to be, had a great effect on my physical responses as well. But it won’t be the same for everyone.
@f.
Wow. Was I really that condescending?
Buh? I don’t think you seemed condenscending. Maybe a little dismissive.
“I was really worried about being too aggressive or demanding toward my own partners. I didn’t want to make them feel how I had once felt.”
This! My idea of “taking the initiative” still more or less looks like this: “Perhaps? What do you think? Are you sure? You can say no if you want to you know! Is this ok? Should I stop? I don’t mind either way! It’s just perhaps I kinda felt and so I thought…” It’s very hard to overcome even when directly authorised to be aggressive.
And that’s coupled with the fear that as soon as I do take the initiative I will become undesirable because I will be exposed as “easy”, completing a lovely circle that means that the best way of guaranteeing you never get what you want is to ask for it.
I just think that a lot of the time men interpret “being the passive partner” as “getting what you want without having to ask for it” – which it’s totally not. And if you don’t like that statement as being too essentialist, FlyingKal (because I of course completely intend it as being grounded on established social conditioning that means that most men will not have a lot of experience with routinely being the passive party), then I’ll be more straightforward: even in your comment you didn’t seem – at least to me – to have fully grasped what it was you were asking for. Being the passive party does not mean that you get to secretly manipulate the other person into offering you what you’ve already decided you want by lolling around the apartment all sexy like in your undies. It does mean often having to deal with unwanted and uninvited attention, while also feeling that you ought to grab every chance that’s sent your way, because the option of getting what you want when you want it doesn’t exist, since you can’t ask for it.
And I wasn’t even talking about taking initiatives or the double sword of being passive/active. Please…
But then again, regarding this:
“Perhaps? What do you think? Are you sure? You can say no if you want to you know! Is this ok? Should I stop? I don’t mind either way! It’s just perhaps I kinda felt and so I thought…”
Imagine being a (straight) guy approaching 30 when he has his first sexual encounter with a women. And getting no verbal feedback, or any acknowledgement whatsoever that she’s actually attracted to him, except for occasionally accepting to again have sex with him. And that coupled with the fear that taking too much initiatives, or even push the subjet of actually talking about it, will make her feel trapped in a corner.
Do you really think that his thoughts regarding the situation will differ all that much from what you just described above??
Uh yeah, that sounds totally frustrating, and now that you are getting more specific it’s a lot easier to interpret what you are talking about. ILE and I were speaking to some possible things that could lead to that type of behavior, but that doesn’t make a situation like that acceptable or psychologically safe for you, does it?
Here’s the thing, sexual norms are damaging to all of our sex lives and that results in a multitude of shitty situations and shitty choices to make. Maybe at that time it wasn’t possible for you to ask for a frank discussion about her apparent lack of sexual response (after all, how were you supposed to know whether it was normal, whether she would be insulted and break up with you, what it is acceptable to question in a sex partner, etc) and it is also way too demanding to a newly devirginated person to say, “well if the sex isn’t good or doesn’t seem healthy, break up”. It’s a terrible dilemma and it sounds like kind of a scarring experience.
Is it helpful to you to hear about some things that go through women’s heads in that situation? Because basically that’s all I have to offer in this conversation. Or is it just even more frustrating to hear that?
I’d love to have a longer conversation about this, because I’m eager to learn as much as I possibly can. Although it’s partly frustrating, it also serves as a bit of therapy for me to get insights and clues into what’s going on in other people’s minds.(See, noone knows what’s going on in another person’s head, but I figure that a broader spectrum of answers and experiences is only for the better.)
However I don’t seem to be able to express myself good enough to convey my thoughts and feelings and have that conversation here
But thank you anyway.
“Do you really think that his thoughts regarding the situation will differ all that much from what you just described above??”
No, I’m sure they will be pretty similar. I’m also sure that plenty of straight men out there who indeed feel frustrated by their partners’ lack of active sexual participation, regardless of when they first became sexually active. It sucks all round.
However this doesn’t take away from the fact that in your first comment you seemed to be bemoaning your girlfriend’s lack of sexual expression while seemingly still subconsciously wanting to wrestle control for yourself by dictating the terms of her expression. You seemed to want your gf to be turned on by seeing you naked, not to express that she is turned on when she actually is turned on. And all I’m saying is if a person wants their partner to tell them that their body “is attractive and sexy and evoke urges in them” they have to let them do so on their own terms. For what it’s worth, I do understand that when somebody has plenty of experience in acting and very little in reacting this might not come very easily.
And I don’t mean this as an attack on you (although I’ll admit that your language did cause me to roll my eyes). But it’s a complaint I’ve heard so often – and I just rarely get the feeling that the complainants have really given much thought to the full implications of what it is they’re asking for.
It seems to me that we are mostly discussing the same thing, but from two different perspectives. Me as the man who’s not getting verbal or physical appraisal (is that an ok word?), and you as a woman who is not mainly turned on just by visual appearance, and also for various reasons (social construct etc.) may be inhibited to express some of her true wants and feelings. Right so far?
The thing is, I know about social construct and all that. I never contradicted that. I merely vented my, let’s call it frustration, as being on the receiving end of the result of it, so to speak. And what it can do to your psyche with feelings of unattractiveness, inferior complex etc.
” in your first comment you seemed to be bemoaning your girlfriend’s lack of sexual expression while seemingly still subconsciously wanting to wrestle control for yourself by dictating the terms of her expression. ”
What I wanted was for my girlfriend to think that I’m attractive, to be turned on (sexually) by me, and to be able to express that attraction. It wasn’t a demand or even request, just a (stupid) wish, OK? And I certainly don’t want her to express an attraction that genuinely isn’t there. I KNOW it might be hard, but people are wired differently.
Again, I’m sorry if I don’t express myself correctly, but English is not my native language and there’s probably lots of nuances I’m missing. And even writing in my own language, written discussions are often open for interpretation and misunderstanding. Also see my answer to f. above.
Anyway, I’m off the internet for a couple of weeks so you’ll be rid of me for now. Hope you’ll have a pleasant summer.
I’m sorry, again!!
That woman “who is not mainly turned on just by visual appearance, and also for various reasons (social construct etc.) may be inhibited to express some of her true wants and feelings.” wasn’t you, but Sarah!
Gaaah!! I’m so sorry
What I think makes for a nicer discussion is not twisting the other person’s words to make them out to be unreasonable when they’re not. In none of my comments did I claim that men are all the same. This does not mean that cultural tendencies cannot exist or that gender roles are not enforced. They do and they are, which is the very reason for the existence of this blog.
“Stating that maybe this or that is something I should try or do, clearly implies that you don’t consider it something I may have already tried or done.”
Expressing bewilderment at how impossible it is to divine “what women want” would imply that you haven’t.
Nor have I claimed that all women are the same! If you read my first post again you will see that I talked about my own experiences with the less than handful of girlfriends I’ve had.
Yet you’re berating me for making sweeping “what women want” statements…
And now I’m going to berate you for gaslighting.
Here is a direct quote from the first of your comments I responded to:
“I think there are an awful lot of men who are just at loss as what women are attracted to. Since the number of messages we are receiving about what NOT to do and behave, outnumber the messages about what to do and how to behave, by a ratio probably exceeding 1000:1. And since we can’t seem to do the right thing no matter what, we might just as well go for the chock effect. ”
I guess if you really want to quibble you can claim that you were rather expressing exasperation at the fact that there is no single straightforward recipe for what women want, but really the sentiment is the same. You still seemed to be bemused by the fact that women are individuals and not machines you can turn on by punching in the right code. This is what I was reacting to.
Saying that “I think there are an awful lot of men ” is not talking about ALL WOmen.
Also, to my defence I must say that since you were talking about your personal experience in your first post, I thought you were replying to the second half of my post where I was sharing MY experiences.
Jesus, are you really this clueless??? The key part of the sentence is *not* the “awful lot of men” bit, but where you refer to “what women are attracted to” as if there’s one monolithic answer that womankind is keeping secret from you. And my point is there is no universal rule about what women are attracted to, because each woman is different.
Anyway, I think the discussion has reached a point where I don’t really believe that you are arguing remotely in good faith or trying to understand what I’m saying, so I think I’ll bow out.
Uh, just to jump in here, in my earlier comments all I meant to say was that I, personally, am not very visual. (Other women may be different) By that I mean, I’m not that turned on simply by looking at male bodies. However, I am NOT passive sexually, and there are a lot of things about male bodies that do turn me on. I can appreciate good looking guys, includng my boyfriend, but I don’t feel overwhelming lust JUST by seeing him lolling around in his underwear. So, for example, I might be in the shower and I start thinking about sex and I come out of the shower and he is lying on the bed in his underwear, I might go lie down next to him and start kissing him. But if I’m doing the laundry and he is lolling in his underwear, I probably won’t even notice. If he wants to get my attention, he’ll have to do or say something. Does that make sense?
ILE,
You seem to think that male frustration with online meeting/dating all stems from some sort of male misinterpretation of females in general, rather than a man’s own actual experiences with it.
Let’s make a deal, shall we? I won’t discount your experiences if you won’t discount mine.
“… If you really want your partner to start taking the initiative it’s important to understand that a) that means sometimes finding yourself in the awkward possition of having to deal with unexpected or unwanted behaviour in a sensitive way …”
I can only speak about my experience of being in a relationship with a woman having a higher sex drive and being very direct in initializing sex, but I didn’t perceived that communication as an undue or even surprising hardship.
You’re right, it wasn’t some kind of nympho girlfriend p0rn fantasy you seem to have found men to have, but I’ve honestly never expected such a thing. And I think most people are actually quite capable of distinguishing erotic fantasies from the real world.
That is not to say that there weren’t problems: my communication skills certainly got a good workout, and I had to wrestle quite a bit with my jerkbrain (“You turned down sex twice in a row! You’re not a real man! Now she’ll search for someone else who can satisfy her!”). But it wasn’t something horrible, just a bit more of the usual communication and soul searching necessary in any relationship.
And I certainly regard it as a very small ‘price’ (if you want to call it that) for what I gained: after a lifetime of being told that male bodies are gross and undesirable, I learned what it feels like to be desired.
It may sound strange for women, for whom ‘being desired’ is both a more assured fact and a double edged sword, but for me ‘finding yourself in the awkward possition of having to deal with unexpected or unwanted behaviour in a sensitive way’ was nothing compared to the wonder of being truly desired.
There’s also the creep factor. Some guys get off on the idea of sending their (unwanted) penis pics to women. Virtual flashers.
I’ve always interpreted it as a type of sexual aggression, yeah. Like “you will see my penis whether you want to or not”.
In any case it’s really not hot to me. Maybe there are women who appreciate a random dick pic, but if so, they either don’t talk about it or I haven’t met them.
I think that’s the driving issue. For a lot of us, we imagine our sexuality resides in our penis (and maybe we fret, or maybe we congratulate ourselves, over its size!) and to force it on a woman is to force ourselves on her. Most of us aren’t into rape, but I wonder if there isn’t the same motivation behind it–I’ll do this because I’m the one who wants it, and I’ll make you notice me. It’s crazy, but I think any response at all is satisfying to the man, even if the woman laughs at him. The point is, he must be noticed. Perhaps it’s like “This is vitally important to me, and I need you to say it’s important too.” It’s really irrelevant whether the woman approves or not.
“Virtual flashers.”
And, it’s so much easier than getting out your trench coat, driving to the park, keeping an eye out for cops, waiting for women to walk by, etc. You don’t even have to leave your house, and you can flash a hundred individual women at the same time! Ooh, not only that, but you don’t even have to use a picture of your own penis, you can shop around. The internet is revolutionizing our lives in so many ways….
Not just the straight guys. Though I imagine it has a much higher success rate among gay/bi guys since they’ve been socialized with the same penis worship mindset.
I think the important question is…
If I pretend I don’t get your point
Will you show me more pictures of shirtless men?
Definitely not just straight guys. My boyfriend’s online dating life is FULL of cock pics sent to them by people who seem to think that it’s the only thing a queer boy is interested in about other boys, queer or otherwise.
I do think there’s something to the idea of it being sexual aggression, but at the same time it’s eloquent about the vulnerability of these people: “my dick is the only reason someone will want to be in contact with me”. Maybe they don’t even believe that about themselves, but the preponderance of that behaviour online has taught them that they ought to comply with it, for fear of potential alternatives, like “if I don’t send a cock pic to prove how huge and virile I am, people will assume I am not huge or virile”, much like how people without profile pics of any description are assumed to be ugly.
From this discussion and the other threads on porn I am coming to the conclusion that perhaps there’s an element of transference happening here by following formula:
man (naturally) loves his penis
+ the hyper-focus on genitalia in porn
+ the “acting” in porn of the recipient of the presented screen-filling erection looking incredibly happy & turned on at just the mere sight of it & nothing else & then the initiation of sex.
= man thinking the dick pic = happiness & arousal on the part of the recipient.
There is such variety in life and sexual arousal, that there are of course going to be people happy to get them, but I agree the population is small. When someone “doesn’t get” something related to sex (or something else like whether they love cilantro or hate it,) it’s usually because they are presented with something that doesn’t do anything for them. For example, the 100% heterosexual man saying, “I just don’t get gay sex. How can they do that? It’s gross.” Well, you’re “just not getting it” because you’re not wired to be aroused by it—you’re attracted to women, you want to have sex with women. Attempting to imagine experiencing arousal by visualizing sex between two men, or you and another man isn’t going to do much for you, may make you feel weird, off, even perhaps some disgust = You “just not getting it.” But just because it doesn’t do anything for you, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong for someone else. This is my theory for the “I just don’t get it” phenomenon. I will forever now wonder if the unsolicited dick pic will equal that the person I’m talking to consumes a lot of porn.
The best *solicited* dick pic I’ve ever received actually showed no dick at all. I was flirting with someone I met in school, but he had just moved to Hawaii. We had been taking turns sending pics of things we’d ask for, sexual or not. He was texting me from a party, asking for a picture of my breasts. I sent a pic of my naked torso. He asked if I wanted in turn to see his cock. I didn’t want to go there, as the lonely screen filling erection does nothing for me, and I had yet to even meet his penis in person. So I thought for a few minutes how I might still involve his penis in this game. I came up with asking him to go write “I (heart) [my first name]” in the white sand of the beach the next time he left the party to piss. Then photograph his work, & send it to me. I’m not sure if that qualifies as a dick pic, but he was certainly holding his penis and thinking of me, & I got photographic evidence of it. I liked that idea much better than just looking at his erection w/o the rest of him. He responded with, “LMAO! That is just awesome.” … and the pic. Good thing I have a short name.
That was very clever of you Ether.
Context, context, context. For example, my partner would occasionally pull down his boxer briefs, stick his di** in my face, and wave it around when I wasn’t paying attention as a joke. It’s far more funny than erotic, and that was his intention. A similar visual situation that I did find sexy and led to sex? He’d come out wearing those same boxer briefs while I was, say, doing dishes, run his hands down my body, pull my hair to the side and start to kiss me on the neck. Turn my head around, kiss me, and grab my ass with one, hair with the other. Then he’d put my hand on his penis. Nudity does not always equal OMG sex. I and many of the men I’ve been with like walking around nude or semi-nude because it’s hot out or because it’s more comfortable. It’s not erotic until it becomes erotic. I’ve also seen my fair share of penis pictures. In some cases it did nothing, in some cases it was annoying, and in some cases it was extremely hot and led to hours of masturbation. It had nothing to do with the size and look of the penis and EVERYTHING to do with who sent it, when, and why.
AnonymousDog, I do not deny that online dating sites must be very frustrating places for men. However, I remain unconvinced by the logic of “well, nothing else has worked so far, I might as well send a bunch of women unsolicited photos of my cock!” because, well, it’s conclusion is sending people unsolicited photos of your cock which (unless you specifically want to dig out the women who would be turned on by such a move) is ill-advised, but also because there is no one tactic that works for attracting women. And I think that expressing frustration at that fact is kinda revealing. I don’t think it makes you a terrible, sexist monster – I do think it means that we live in a world with toxic views about the heterosexual dating process and one of those is disregard for the individuality of women.
“Gah, nothing works!” is obnoxious because there is no trick or method that “works”. Attracting people is not like opening a tightly-sealed jar – just run it under hot water and hey presto! The only tactic that “works” is precisely shifting through all the wrong individuals till you find one of the right ones, because that’s what the word individual implies.
NaHa, I never said that being desired is horrible – it can actually be pretty fantastic. I do think however that there’s a certain kind of hypocrisy in complaining about your partner’s lack of sexual expression while simultaneously wanting to dictate what should arouse her and how she should express that.
Maybe it’s because English isn’t my native tongue, but I have a really hard time grasping your point.
Yes, I sincerely hope that the sexual wishes and desires of my partner and my own sexual wishes and desires have enough overlap that regular, mutually enjoyable sex actually happens.
I don’t think thats quite the same as “wanting to dictate what should arouse her” though. Trying to dictate any behavior or thoughts of your partner is of course not OK, but that is something very different than wishing your partner would express the wishes s/he already (hopefully, see above) has, isn’t it?
For me these concepts seem to be rather unconnected, but you keep injecting the “dictate her desire” angle into the conversation. Is that really something you encounter?
ILE,
I’m not suggesting that sending d*ck pics is a good idea, or that its likely to get results. I’m just proposing a possible explanation for why some guys do it: They are frustrated and somewhat disgusted with the whole process of online meeting/dating, and just decide to try and get some attention by doing something intended to shock.
Another funny post, Ozy. Nothing to add, except to your point 2.
Freudianly, the female equivalent of the penis is the foot.
Thank about that the next time your girlfriend asks you to rub her feet.
The idea that all women like guys with huge muscles is dodgy. It’s like saying that all all men like women with big asses and boobs. I don’t.
I am not sent into fits of passion at the site of a male body while I am very atracted to men. I certainly know when I am attracted to a man, but it doesn’t fill me up with happiness to see his body alone. I would probably be more excited, not neccesarily turned on though, by a picture of a man’s hands or his shoulders and back then I would his penis. It is more playful and subtle. But I still wouldn’t be so turned on I’d want to have sex then and there. I still would consider myself a very sexual person. I kind of feel like the dic picks are akin to little boys playing show and tell and saying, “Here I am! Look at what I got! Wanna see? Wanna see?”
Women do this too! At least, the bi/lesbian ones do.
I used to look for women to date on the women-seeking-women section of Craigslist in New York. There were a bunch of women who posted pics of their vaginas in the ads, just like there were a bunch of men on Craigslist who posted dick pics in their ads. Other women would complain about this, how low-class it was, etc., but those disembodied pussy pics kept on coming.
I have no idea why anyone would find a stranger’s disembodied genitals arousing, but there you go. I’m not even going to theorize as to why women would do this, if the reasons are the same for both genders, etc.
I don’t think its nearly as complicated as the author is making it.
I think guys are simply saying they want to have sex in their own way. If you notice sometimes when a guy likes you, he will give you crotch shot- that is he turns towards you and spreads his legs. He wants you to look at his penis. The internet removes a lot of manners people would have in real life, so guys are doing the same thing just with the pants off.
They are saying, “Here’s what I’m working with, come get some!”
Sometimes on discovery channel they will show male monkeys fondling themselves all day. This is much like yahoo chat cams back in the day.
These guys would probably like it if women sent them unsolicited pictures of themselves, so I’m guessing they think women will like dick pics.
dunno. but this tumblr is hilarious on this “front”: http://bonersinthepeloton.tumblr.com/
Wow, I think you finally found an answer to Jhoanna’s question on:
http://goodmenproject.com/good-feed-blog/much-ado-about-womens-asses-in-the-olympics/
Reading through the comments it seems many people are missing the point. The author is specifically talking about UNSOLICITED penis pics sent to someone the sender barely knows via the internet. So comments about how & what you do with your partner etc. are irrelevant. WHY do men send pics of their dicks to women they barely know and have certainly never met? I got talking to someone I met through Twitter. He’s a reasonably high profile lawyer with several thousand followers as he makes the odd appearance on TV. I was flattered by the attention and enjoyed the interaction but just 4 days after we started to exchange private messages, without any prompting or request from me, he sent me a video of him wanking.
WHY? Isn’t that a bit disrespectful? I was shocked and quite upset to be honest. If that’s what he wanted, there are ‘services’ he could have availed himself of. Or was I being over sensitive?
No Yvonne I don’t think you are sensitive.I myself would have been appalled.I consider that crap to be like a visual assault of sorts.
Being an erotica writer and spending a lot of time on twitter, I attract a barrage of dick pics. I’m not sure why men think that, because I write about sex, fictionally, I’m all that obsessed by it or am less inhibited than anyone else. I’m not.
Dick pics don’t offend me at all. I don’t get them and freak out. But when I look at them, it is with the sort of dispassionate eye that, I suspect, might wilt the most rampant erection. I have, on occasion, sent a tweet or email back saying: “I’m sorry to have to inform you that you have a genital wart on (insert specific location here) your penis. Go to a doctor and have it seen to before you have sex with anyone.”
Conversely, I did once receive an unsolicited picture of a correspondent’s hand. It was a magnificent, very sexy hand. I had very specific and erotic fantasies about how that hand would look and feel on certain parts of my body. Sadly, the man who sent it never followed up.
*sigh* Ya win some, ya lose some.
What’s with hands, I’m almost tempted to send a pic of my hand just to see the reaction…..but then again, unwanted contact, ugh.
I think parts of #5 and #7 come the closest to explaining. Paradoxically, there is something very insecure about sending a photo of your erection. It is a kind of bravado. I think there is something going on there that goes WAY beyond just having the wrong idea of what turns women on. Deep down, most of those men know that this will not really work to get them sex, and there’s something else going on. It reminds me of the men hanging out of car windows hooting at women walking by. They must know that’s not going to impress her.
You could also look at the dick pic as a kind of e-flashing. Perhaps what motivates the unsolicited penis pic is similar to the things that motivate flashers? I can see a lot of similarity. Perhaps there’s a thrill at the idea of disgusting or shocking a woman. For the flasher, the advantage of the penis pic over flashing in person is that you have no risk of being laughed at, and substantially less risk of winding up in jail. Maybe the picture taker ultimately has no interest in actual sex with the recipient at all, and the sexual goal is the shock and/or offensiveness itself. Men who want to expose themselves to women but could never bring themselves to flash someone in person can now do so online.
(Just to be clear: explanation of a behavior does not mean justification of a behavior.)
On #2: I’ve had women show me their chests and then expect penis pics. This leaves me thinking many women would disagree with you and that a penis IS the equivalent of breasts. However, I do also feel this is because of the social norm of covering breasts, and if they were allowed to be bared, then people would view the chests of all sexes to be equal.