Right… That Did Happen

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About Noah Brand

Noah Brand is an Editor-at-Large at Good Men Project, and possibly also a cartoon character from the 1930s. His life, when it is written, will read better than it lived. He is usually found in Portland, Oregon, directly underneath a very nice hat.


  1. “Oh, and this almost feels redundant considering we’re talking about a fashion ad, but jumpsuits look fucking AWFUL on fat guys, so thanks for that too.”



  2. Let’s be fair.

    Jumpsuits look awful on everybody.

    (No, really. Even on Star Trek, they had to put everyone in these foam muscle suits under the uniforms so they wouldn’t look ridiculous.)

  3. Hold on a moment… It says “long sleeved in rust, blue or black.” That dude is clearly wearing a white (okay, maybe gray) jumpsuit. WTF, Fifth Season?

  4. You know monkey when I look at the suit for some reason I see bits of blue throughout it. Look at his right hand side of the suit. It seems like the suit could be blue but the lighting for that photo shoot wasn’t that good or it could just be age (if this image was from an old catalog and recently scanned).

  5. Jesus_marley says:

    “Designed with your desires in mind… she’ll eat you alive in it.”

    I saw this as two completely separate statements. The first one allowing the man to remain hyper – masculine and invulnerable. While the second one indicating that the product will allow for male attractiveness. Essentially it says that he can be attractive without worrying about possible rejection since the “armour” of masculinity will protect him. The ad was promising the best of both worlds which is essentially what advertising is all about.

  6. A jumpsuit Parisian nightsuit will totally make you a superstud!


  7. I saw this as two completely separate statements. The first one allowing the man to remain hyper – masculine and invulnerable. While the second one indicating that the product will allow for male attractiveness.

    Interesting point. As you say, it works out about the same, attractiveness without vulnerability, but that is a different reading. I hadn’t considered the two statements as separate, but I can see how one could. Ellipses are tricky little buggers that way.

  8. Jesus_marley says:

    Also – did anyone else notice that the guy is leaning on a giant wooden pole?

  9. My favorite line from the ad…

    “Sexy cool crinkle cloth…” what in the fuck is crinkle cloth? It’s 50% polyester it’s not meant to wrinkle (or provide ventilation) ever. But you know it’s ‘sexy’, so whatevs.

  10. “quick as a flick of her tongue” “she’ll eat you alive” – because everyone knows men prefer blowjobs?

  11. Hey, now. A lot of ice-skaters wear jumpsuits and I got a thing for ice skaters. I love jumpsuits, tight and baggy both.

    In fact, this suit isn’t completely without potential. I’d put a little more flair in those cuffs, or take them off entirely (Elvis knew how to do it. Thanks for the example, monkey.) I’m not digging the odd transition from Boogie King to business casual. I think crinkle cloth has its uses, but none of them is playing host to ring-slider zippers, and a full body suit is too much of a sort-of-tolerable thing. I like the wooden stripper pole, but it begs for a flannel top and some high cut jean-shorts, and your ad shouldn’t make me think of outfits better designed than yours is. I’d give it a five out of ten, but I have to deduct a point because evidently people exist who think it should come in rust. 4/10

    But slip that man in some roller skates, throw a little glitter on it, put on a little Fifth of Beethoven… If a nice, low, flambouyant twirl happens then I think the top button of my shirt could accidently come undone. I’m also cool enough with the mane and the shades- But no smile!? That’s what kills it for me. The guy looks like he just got back from the bathroom to find the mirror completely cleaned off, and me with a lot of white powder on my upper lip.

    I dunno. Jumpsuits ‘show all you’ve got.’ Maybe the whole thing is made up as an overdone counterweight to the fact that the wearer had decided to be vulnerable in that respect. “Don’t worry! You’re still going to look tough!” It’s hard to make it jive with all the swingin’ single jargon though. It’s difficult to picture a guy shyly asking “Do I really look okay in this?” when his next line is “I mean, I appreciate that it’s on and off as quick as a flick of her tongue, but will she eat me alive in it?”

  12. Mayfly: holy crap, it’s Joel!

  13. I hope this ad copy was tailored to run in Penthouse, not GQ or Newsweek.

  14. Oh, and there’s another guy who can pull off a jumpsuit.


  15. to modern eyes, he may appear as a “bear” or a hipster dressing ironically….

    The outfit does give him a powerful V shape….

    The ad seems to be showing the outfit and he is the accessory so to speak….

    I don’t know who their target demographic was but it makes me think of nascar drivers or fighter pilots with flight suits….

  16. jesus_marley says:

    … or Bee Gees fans.

  17. “Oh, and this almost feels redundant considering we’re talking about a fashion ad, but jumpsuits look fucking AWFUL on fat guys, so thanks for that too.”

    Thanks for the tip, Noah. Since you’re apparently an authority on what fat guys are allowed to wear despite not being one yourself, any other hints? I’ve got a party to go to on Saturday and I thought maybe you and your body policing could help me out.

  18. …Uh, Noah is overweight… o.o

  19. @Hugh: You misread me; sorry for not being clearer. The point I was making is that, among the other aesthetic crimes of the jumpsuit under discussion, it’s an outfit that can only be worn by very trim guys. They’re exceptionally unflattering on bigger guys like myself, which is another level of offensiveness in this ad, from my perspective. That’s what the “thanks for that too” was referring to.

  20. Sorry Noah, I had a vague idea you had described yourself as low on the old bodyfat, but since it seems you ain’t I withdraw my comment.

    Although I am pretty certain there is -somebody- out there who thinks fat guys in jumpsuits look super hawt, because that’s people for you.

  21. For some reason, I’m reminded of the practicality of Graham Garden’s one-piece suit (brown, with shirt and tie included) from The Goodies. Maybe not as good at being “eaten alive”, but at least he had the mutton chops and (not dark) glasses.

  22. I was gonna ask what Decade the Aesthetics truly Forgot, the sixties, the seventies, the eighties or the nineties?

  23. I think the seventies get a bad break. True, fashion had its…. low points, but some of the graphic design was incredibly beautiful.

    I have a theory that fashion and pop culture always looks its worst ten years after they first occured. beyond that point, contempt turns to camp/ironic appreciation and then to real appreciation.

    People find it hard to believe now, but in the late 70s/early 80s fashion from the 60s was the most
    tacky thing imaginable. In the 70s, the B-52s were the height of kitsch by appropriating early 60s fashions like beehives and miniskirts.

    As well, there’s a tendency to overstate the past’s most extreme fashion. If you took a time machine to the 60s expecting everyone to be in tie-dye and love beads, you’d be surprised to find that many men would still have short hair and many women would wear their hair in more conservative styles.

  24. Leave Elvis alone! (((goes to get sword, to defend the King)))

  25. If that’s Elvis at his worst, damn, he still could sing. Gives you a sense of how incredibly powerful he must have been…

  26. I am an ol’ heterosexual lady, but I could not agree with you more. I wouldn’t go within a mile of this guy, if I could possibly avoid it!

  27. I remember Eddie Temple-Morris wryly commenting on his MTV UK show that the seventies revival had lasted longer than the seventies themselves did.

    In 1998.

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