Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh

(hat tip to Groundedchuck)

Trigger warning for rape.

Before you read this story, you might want to take a deep breath and take a look at the tiny turtle eating a strawberry, for purposes of not attempting to kill the entire world.

A seventeen-year-old boy was raped by his eighteen-year-old girlfriend and is being forced to pay child support. The girlfriend in question admitted in front of him and his parents that she “made him” have sex, but currently seems to believe that it wasn’t rape.

Let me count the rape-culture fail in this story:

1) The lede. High school romance? HIGH SCHOOL ROMANCE? Getting raped is high school romance to you people?

2) The statement of Jessica, the rapist: “To destroy my entire family for the simple thing that he didn’t want to pay child support, that’s a very selfish thing to do.” Well, you know what else is selfish? Forcing people to have sex against their will. That’s very selfish.

3) The apparent belief that Kris, the rape survivor, continuing to date Jessica meant that he wasn’t “really” raped. Of course this whole “men can’t get raped” meme wouldn’t have the slightest effect in making it difficult for him to conceive of his experiences as rape. Never! And no one ever has trouble leaving relationships, especially ones that (reading between the lines of the news story, which described it as “tumultuous”) may have been emotionally abusive.

4) The deputy whom Kris reported his rape to who never followed up on the fucking rape survivor and seemed skeptical that a man could be raped. Seriously? Law enforcement, what the fuck? Crime is crime, regardless of whom the crime is perpetrated on. Do your fucking job and investigate it when people report felonies to you. That isn’t going above and beyond the call of duty; that is literally your job description.

5) The idea that age of consent laws somehow don’t apply to boys. Newsflash: “consensual sex” between a fifteen-year-old boy and a thirty-four-year-old woman is not consensual sex. It is rape. The same way that “consensual sex” between a fifteen-year-old girl and a thirty-four-year-old man is not consensual sex, but rape. The power dynamics in the relationship and the immaturity of teenagers make free, full and true consent between a teenager and an adult impossible.

6) The fact that a man who passed out drunk at a party and was raped by a woman, who got pregnant, has to pay child support.


Child support is a complex issue and a lot of people have different opinions on it. I find Clarissa’s take compelling:

The fact that a person was created during the commission of a crime in no way reduces that person’s need for food, clothing, medical care, and education. Imagine baby Anna and baby Jessica. Anna is a product of a passionate loving consensual sex act. Jessica is the product of rape (whether by a man or by a woman). Is Jessica going to eat less? Will she be less deserving of visiting a dentist? Should she have fewer toys than Anna? Can anybody reasonably argue that one of these kids should be punished because she has a criminal for a parent?

On the other hand, my heart rebels against the idea of making a person pay child support to their fucking rapist. Of course, the non-rapist should get default custody; however, in cases such as Kris’s, where the rape survivor doesn’t want the child, the situation is far more complicated. Ideally, in that sort of situation, the rapist would have been prosecuted and convicted and their child put up for adoption, but the fucking deputy’s fucking lack of response has prevented that one from coming to fruition.

So I don’t know what to suggest. Child support is already a search for the least bad option on a giant list of really shitty options; adding rape only makes all the options shittier.

About ozyfrantz

Ozy Frantz is a student at a well-respected Hippie College in the United States. Zie bases most of zir life decisions on Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, and identifies more closely with Pinkie Pie than is probably necessary. Ozy can be contacted at [email protected] or on Twitter as @ozyfrantz. Writing is presently Ozy's primary means of support, so to tip the blogger, click here.


  1. Tom Smekens says:

    While we’re being looney, I’d like to say that the title of this post makes me think of a circle of native americans scoffing in unison at something.

    ANYWAY, my heart goes out to all victims of abuse, and I hope I won’t make the mistakes that happened in this thread if I ever need to accomodate a survivor.

  2. I like it, Ken.

  3. @Jim, stillInverted, Simon, Kenshiroit and Eagle: *BLUSH*

    Well I um…

    My birthday is the 13th of October >.>

    I really…

    thanks. That made me feel really good even though I’m not entirely sure what I did to deserve such an honor.

  4. Well, good birthday wishes in advance.

  5. “thanks. That made me feel really good even though I’m not entirely sure what I did to deserve such an honor.”

    Oh that part comes latter. The White Knights will tear you apart in the arena to a howling crowd of 2nd Wavers.

    Happybirthday in advance, by the way. and a word of advice to a Libra who just wants everyone to get along – it just doesn’t work like that. If you can’t stand the confrontations yourself, get other people to do it for you. Being a good manipulator is the whole point of being a Libra anyway.

  6. White Knights are dull and can be called out on their obviously misogynistic paradigm (unless they happen to be me, who white knights for every friend and acquaintance he has: seriously, I stick up for my goddamn friends and if you don’t want me at your side for every battle I see then you better not have me as your friend), and 2nd wavers haven’t been right.

    Plus raging and screaming at obvious hypocrisies is sort of a hobby of mine if you couldn’t tell 😉

  7. superglucose, happybirthday in advance, hope u get lots of presents 😀

  8. Hahaha I suspect I will get no presents at all except a girl telling me she wants nothing to do with me and another girl introducing me to her boyfriend XD

    Advise your children: don’t be born on friday the 13th.

  9. Well then get a good horror movie, but something other than Friday the 13th, and make some popcorn!

  10. I love a good horror movie 😀

  11. Isn’t this great?

    I really love how a comment section can be so bleak one moment and then full of good old-fashioned cheer the next.

    Excellent!. :)

    Oh, happy birthday SuperGlucose.

  12. I just noticed this question on the IMDb forum, asking for examples of “Films with a man getting raped by a woman”

    One of the comments: “LOL yeah. I haven’t seen the movie itself, but someone linked to the clip of the rape. It was actually pretty funny [[laugh]]”

  13. “I really love how a comment section can be so bleak one moment and then full of good old-fashioned cheer the next.”

    It’s like the weather. The old saying is don’t complain, just wait.

  14. @K:
    Sounds like the movie they were talking about was a comedy, so I decided to check out the scene to see if the producers of the movie were to blame for trying to make light of rape. IMO, they didn’t make like of rape at all. If I were triggered by such things, that scene would be a nightmare.

    The scene ends with an unexpected turn of events that is unrelated to the rape, and I can see how one would think that part is humorous. I’d go into more detail to explain but I don’t really like to be a spoiler.

    Anyway, I don’t think you can fault either the producers of the movie or the person commenting in this case.

  15. @Druk:
    Haha ok, my bad. Carry on.
    (Thanks. Research always helps. It usually results in less knee-jerk judgements 😀 )

  16. The problem is that the law is focused on the best interests of the child and not the best interests of society as a whole. Is it really in society’s interests to force Kris to pay for the child? What we are creating is a society where millions of men have no vested interest in the well-being of society, as a whole, and the primary cause of this is worrying about individual children. We have abortion, and, yes, it is possible to have one very late in the pregnancy. The easy solution to this is that, at birth, the state queries whether or not the child is going to be cared for by two responsible adults who are willing to voluntarily legally oblige themselves to care for the child through the age of eighteen.

    Newborns who do not meet these criteria are euthanized by the state. It’s morally no different than abortion – and, no, this isn’t an ironic argument against abortion. Killing for expediency is just what animals do, including the human animal.

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