I’ll Never Forgive You

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The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives. 1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends, and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.

Comments

  1. I don’t want to minimize what this person feels or the weight of what they said. But do you think he really cares. He destroyed their lives, their families lives. Did whatever he wanted to them. And now all they can say is I don’t forgive you… This man should have his hands feet and genitals cut off and be put on a steak in the middle of the city so everyone can see… But all he gets is I don’t forgive you. This is what we call justice.

  2. Stake not steak

  3. Why forgive the unrepentant? Why make your own healing contingent upon being able to first forgive? One CAN heal without forgiving, and a rush to forgive someone who shows no remorse is frankly unhealthy.

  4. “I’ll never forgive you.”

    If I was sitting with Victim 4 now and he said “I Will Never Forgive Him” my response would be “That’s Great”. (Punches Air)

    I find that refreshingly positive and candid. I’m tired of the Judeo/Christian Theological Tropes of forgiveness, because there are a subset of humans to which they simply do not apply. So many have become trapped an imprisoned in their own Binary View of There is Good Or Evil, they keep empowering people like Sandusky to abuse and get away with it!

    There is this whole fairytale line that runs about being a better person if you forgive, and then you get the extra syrup on top of how the Sinner gets with the program when they are forgiven. Schmaltz with sprinkles on top!

    I hate this Victim Blaming Crap – the guy says “I’ll never forgive you.” and the analysis runs to 4 negative projections built upon limited Binary Conception of others:

    1) He’s holding on to his pain (Oh Such a Big No No in the new age tropes),
    2) He wants the Perp to fess up and become that repentant pedo and saved (Hallelujah – Role Credits)
    3) The refusal to forgive makes the person refusing filled with turmoil and confusion and just can’t see why he should forgive for his own good – you need guidance and to be told what to do and you need to be made unsure of yourself and told that you are wrong and others are right – just as the abuser did so they could get into your mind and body and F### You!
    4) The I will not Forgive you is a threat (Oh Boy Please save us all from Amateur Shrinks) and of course Sandusky was quaking in his boots when that Threat was made! .

    Here’s another option, and I have to say it is formed from the experience over 30 years of working with many sexual abuse survivors. The Kid gets it that Sandusky is a Psychopath and so Forgiveness is irrelevant to Sandusky – in fact saying I forgive you is to subordinate yourself to a power abusing Psychopath!

    Victim 4 gets it – but then again he has lived through it – and he knows there is no point in forgiveness or empowering Sandusky more. “I Will Never Forgive Him” is a control measure, a line in the sand and Victim 4 is moving on and gets it!

    The whole Victim Schmaltz is sickening – and is built upon the false premise that There is Good or Evil. Well it seems to me that Victim 4 has woken up and smelled the Triangular Coffee. It’s time for so many more to wake up and get passed the religion addled Binary, because those are the people who empower the Sanduskys and refuse to see that some are not Good Or Evil – they are neither and they don’t give a Flying F### for your views of them, only how they can use your blindness against you and all around you!

    It’s amazing how many victims are abused and told they are a bad person because they state they will never forgive. I would also ask Victim 4 why they would or should ever consider forgiving Sandusky. When I have asked the same question of others and their abusers I have found that they keep coming back with what other people’s views are – will be – would be. Odd but that emotional and social manipulation is one of the biggest weapons abusers use, so I sure as hell am not going to buy into it or encourage victims to re-abuse themselves.

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