MRAs disgust Chris Hicke, and here’s why.
It’s no secret by now that many people at GMP, if not most of the internet, have taken a firm stance on the UCSB tragedy one way or another. While mass shootings in the US are, sadly, nothing new or uncommon, it has nevertheless managed to polarize everyone along ideological lines, be it gun control, the state of mental healthcare, the (in)effectiveness of our political leaders in addressing these events, and, for what appears to be a startling and unsettling first, the behavior and fear that many women deal with on a regular basis.
There is no reason for me to rehash the story, or repeat the killer’s name. All of the information has been covered thousands of times over and is readily available to anyone who wishes to find it. I have nothing to add to that analysis that hasn’t already been said.
I’m writing this because, more than anything, I am disgusted by the responses of Men’s Rights Advocates (MRAs), as well as those of everyone who agrees with them. I am disgusted by their constant attempts to turn the conversation about what women have to deal with (usually because of these “men”) into what mean “deal with” on a regular basis. I’m disgusted by those who feel bad for the murderer and insist that some woman should have slept with him to prevent this shooting. I’m disgusted by those special few who treat the killer like some kind of martyr for their cause, as if killing people to compensate for severe shortcomings is anything but sickening.
I’m writing this because my closest friends are women. I have heard far too many horror stories about walking home at night. Hell, I’ve been asked on multiple occasions to meet with them and walk them home; I don’t mind doing it at all, but the fact that they don’t feel safe alone is abhorrent. Because I have had nightmares about this exact thing happening, where I had to force myself to calm down and not run to the hospital because of how realistic it was. Because I am tired of having my friends say they’re hesitant to speak about these things publicly or online because they don’t want to be labeled “Feminists” and have their concerns disregarded by misogynists who don’t care.
I’m writing this because I’m tired of trying to bring attention to what women deal with on a regular basis, only to have the conversation shut down because some knuckle-dragging Neanderthal thinks that men have it worse in this country. As though there is something unfair about wanting to walk down the street at night without the fear of being raped, or having to worry about the consequences of telling a man she’s not interested in him. Of having to deal with the double standard of being a being a slut if she “puts out” (with other men), a prude if she doesn’t, and a bitch/cunt/whore if she doesn’t willingly spread her legs after a “free” drink.
I’m writing this because MRAs disgust me. Because they either don’t know, or don’t care, how their actions affect women. Because they are perfectly content to treat women, their sisters, mothers, daughters, and aunts, like property; to them, women are little more than prizes to win at the bar. That, by virtue of being in the privileged position of being able to say such horrible things and get away with it, they will never know what their words and actions do to their recipients.
I’m writing this because I am ashamed to say there was a time when I thought like MRAs. That there was a point in my life where a woman’s “purity” was something I thought was important. That I pinned my social awkwardness on other people. That I have ever looked on another person as though decisions they made about their lives, that neither harmed them or affected me, and thought those actions diminished their value as people.
Finally, I’m writing this because I’m glad I’m nothing like them. I am truly thankful to the people and resources I’ve had access to over the years, which have helped me purge those thoughts from my mind before they were able to take hold. For the women, especially, who are strong enough in their own convictions to get me to think, and put me in my place when it was needed. Without their input, influence, and conviction, I shudder at the thought that I might still see something as arbitrary as who they choose to sleep with as important, or that anything would cause me to see them as anything besides the wonderful people they are.
Photo— Flickr/ JG-NF
Still trying to figure out why you think someone who is considered with men being 80% of the victims of homicide hates women. Seems to me you can’t stop violence by ignoring 80% of it. Glad I never got “enlightened” like you.
Thank you!!
Thank you, Chris!