Raising kids has a lot of scary potential scenarios. One of the scariest is if your son gets addicted to drugs. Here are important thoughts around the subject, and in particular, what not to say to parents who find themselves facing it.
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“I just don’t know what to do anymore.” My cousin, we’ll call him George, was at the end of his rope and so he called me, partially for advice, and partially just for a listening ear.
Recently he discovered his teenage daughter had become addicted to cocaine. Teen drug use is a big problem, growing bigger by the year. Over the last few weeks they worked to break her of it.
Yesterday she relapsed for the third time.
“You’re doing your best,” I’d said. Even now I think back on that line. It had been almost reflex. Conversational. The part that bothers me now when I think about that response is how I was feeling when I said it: judgmental. It had crept up in me without realizing it.
Because really, who was I to judge him?
Addiction Hurts Everyone
Even the addict. In the majority of anti-drug ads, they like to use the guilt of the pain you would cause your parents and family by doing drugs. This creates a stigma, as though the addict is doing this despite the pain they’d cause. In that sort of light, how can we not see it as anything but selfish?
Nothing could be farther from the truth.
1. “That it isn’t a choice, it’s a disease.” — Sandra Bitting
This is a big one. Despite studies and the scientific community agreeing on the chemical changes in the brain under addiction, many people still roll their eyes at the idea. To them, they feel this removes any responsibility from the addict, freeing them of the consequences. Despite how people may feel, however, science argues otherwise.
2. “Until you have loved someone who abuses substances, don’t judge the family’s choices… the line between enabling and supporting is blurry.” — Tanya Stanley
Of all the quotes I read, this one stuck me the most. Even as my cousin confided in me his pain over his child—of which I was entirely sympathetic—there was still that voice in the back of my head. And I was wrong to think it. Of all the issues my family has worked through and dealt with, addiction has never been one of them.
3. “Addiction is so much more common and pervasive an issue than society thinks.” — Sarah Hollowell
Our teens today face so many issues, things we never had to deal with when we were younger. Addiction is only one of them, and the longer we turn a blind eye to it or think it couldn’t happen to us or one of our kids, the more lives we could have helped will slip away into this constant and common battle with substances.
Be Supportive, Not Judgmental
My cousin and I continue to work together to help his daughter as she fights her addiction. I respect him for all he does for his daughter, and I recognize this isn’t the fault of him as a parent or her as a daughter. Life, sometimes, comes with cold consequences for the unsuspecting.
I encourage you to follow the link and read all of the quotes, as they’re all deeply moving. I do, however, want to leave you with just one more.
4. “We do recover.” — Jennifer Jones
To learn more about addiction and how to support your loved ones fighting this battle, follow this link to read more on the topic.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock