In case you missed Thursday’s stunning revelation over at Good Men Project, I’ve been diagnosed with severe social anxiety and pseudo dementia caused by the anxiety. It sucks but I’m fighting my way through. I figured you should know because it’s relevant to this post.
My brother, a fashion designer and garment manafacturer with an embroidery machine, asked me to help run a business that he took over last year from a friend named Chris. Chris had cancer and passed away which I guess makes this version 2.5 of the business.
Chris was a softball coach and apparently coaches and parents will sit on upside down five gallon paint buckets while catching the pitchers in an effort to save their knees. I didn’t know this before meeting Chris.
The upside down bucket was OK for his knees but was hard on the back. Chris came up with an idea for a rotating seat to fit on the bucket and he came to my brother to have him do custom embroidery on the seats.
Now that you have an idea of what kind of business I’m attempting to brand and grow you should know that a lot of my anxiety is fueled by self doubt. Try and imagine for a moment how much self doubt there is when you try to build a website and online store, attempt to learn social media on the fly and pray that you’re actually getting the word out. Factor in that I’ve never done either before and you can see that it’s a lot of anxiety.
I don’t know how to explain this, so bear with me if this doesn’t make sense. Please know that it makes sense to me. I generally have a hard time with things because I think in short bursts. And no, not like a hummingbird.
For example, I’m working on a particular web page and something else pops into my head. If I write a note down on a piece of paper it tends to get lost in the sea of verbage and squiggles on the page. If I drop what I’m doing and take on the other task I lose my momentum and have a hard time finding my place when I go back.
Anyway, I think I found a coping mechanism and I’m pretty optimistic about it. I’ll let you know more once I figure out if it’s really helping or if I’m having a placebo induced episode. The nice thing is that at least for now the mechanism is helping me and is making me feel a bit better about myself which takes away a slight bit of the anxiety.
That anxiety is quickly replaced by the thought of trying to learn social media and implement it on the fly. And by the realization that I have the opportunity to build a strong business. And that if I make the wrong decisions it could tank. Ugh.
I spent a good portion of the weekend doing my best to clean all the old useless crap in my brain and though it didn’t all magically disappear, I feel better than I did last week. In my book thats a huge win.
Telling you about this is actually pretty scary for me. It shouldn’t be, but it is. I’ve learned that the only way I’m going to win the war is by winning the battles and I guess I can consider this a battle won. At least, it will be once I hit “Publish.”
I think I learned my old approach to getting rid of anxiety from playing ice hockey. ”There’s my anxiety, let’s knock it on its ass and go score a goal,” sometimes works in the short term, but isn’t so hot for the long haul.
I’m going to make mistakes and I’m going to miss opportunities but I’m going to keep reminding myself that it’s not the end of the world and that people are only making fun of me when I deserve and not just because. Learning on the fly may not be so scary after all.
If you’re involved with baseball or softball in any way, check out the (mostly built) website and online store. We get comments almost daily from people who think the custom bucket seat is a great coach’s gift and in fact just had a high school call and ordered seats. Each was embroidered with the school logo and had the coach’s name. This post wasn’t a plug for the business but I wouldn’t be good at my job if I didn’t mention it, right?