Every whisper
Of every waking hour I’m
Choosing my confessions
Michael Stipe, R.E.M.
God is cool. I totally dig the G-man and his son J-doG. I guarantee that at least half of you are at this very moment calling me a crass douchebag and preparing to close this window.
If that’s what you want to do, go ahead. I won’t try and stop you. I will say that I think you should hang around for a few minutes and read the rest of this because I would bet good money (is there another kind?) that you would be totally surprised at what you read.
I have no problem using terms like “G-man” and “J-doG” because I think God is cool with them. I’ve found that the vast majority of people in church are uptight and need to chill the hell out! My understanding of God is that he cares what is in your heart and isn’t so much into the pomp and ceremony of organized religion. I have insight beyond what you may think and I beg you to stick around for a few minutes to check out what I have to say.
P.S. Thanks to Beth for correcting me on the spelling of “J-doG”. She reminded me that the G should be capitalized no matter where it is.
I was raised Lutheran and went to Christian school from 5th grade until I graduated from Valley Christian High School in 1984. Like the rest of the members of the VC Posse, I sat in Mr. Verkaik’s Comparative Religion class and through our weekly chapel services. I went to church and Sunday school as a child and was confirmed. My senior year I was president of the church youth group. If you want to know more about my high school church days check out the previous post, The Actress.
After high school I continued to go to church and got involved in college and young adults groups. I kind of strayed away from the Lutheran church and started going to a non-denominational church near my house. I liked it better than the uptight way that I learned about God. I’m not dissing how I was raised, it’s just that I found a better way to roll with God. “A better way” may not be the right phrase—“better for me” is probably the right thing to say.
Christian rock was a big thing in Southern California in the late 80’s and early 90’s. I listened to bands like The Alter Boys, Undercover, The Choir, Crumbacher, Steve Taylor, Chagall Guevera and Dakoda Motor Co. I’ve always liked music (though I have no talent) and it was a cool way to hang with God and to keep him in my life.
I was never one of those “ultra-Christians” that went around preaching to everyone I saw, nor did I ever say, “I guess it was God’s will that I didn’t get that parking spot.” Still, I think I was living a pretty good life. I wasn’t swearing and I rarely drank. Seriously.
Oh, life is bigger
It’s bigger than you
And you are not me
Around 1989 or so I decided I needed to go back to college to finish a bachelors degree. I decided that even though I wanted to write, I would blow off the journalism degree for a religion degree. You see, I had decided that it would be a very cool thing to be a youth pastor. Really. I will pause a moment and let you pick your jaw up off the floor.
Back to school I went and it was there that I met Baby Mama. We met at a birthday party for a mutual friend and we spent the last half of that party sitting in the back of the room totally making fun of the movie Mannequin while everyone else kept shushing us. Whatever, losers. The movie sucked!
We got married in December 1991 and the following spring I was offered a job at a church in Fresno, CA. The church was growing and had a number of people that were coming from an outlying farming community and they wanted to start a church out there. The church also ran a drug and alcohol rehab home. My job was to be a court liaison for the program, do some Bible studies in Fresno County Jail and be the youth pastor.
I was totally stoked for the opportunity! My new bride and I took off and it was great for the first year or so. After that I began to realize the pastor who was running the new church and the rehab home was committing welfare and food stamp fraud and was trying to get me mixed up in it.
I was crushed to think that a member of the clergy would do such a thing, but the reality is that he was an ex-con ass jacket who had dome time for embezzelling from TGI Fridays and “found the Lord” in prison, , so I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised.
I wanted no part of that and I found a small church near Ontario, CA that was looking for a youth pastor, so Baby Mama and I packed up and moved back to So. Cal. When I went through the interview process I was told they loved my ideas and what I was all about, but once in there, their story changed a bit.
Apparently I was to “set a proper example” for the kids and had to always wear a tie. I got reamed the first time I showed up for something and I was wearing jeans, high tops and a tie. Apparently I didn’t get the full dress code.
This pastor was another douchebag. He didn’t come to the church office to work because “I don’t want to be bothered by parishioners”. WTF is that all about? I, however, had to be in the office Mon-Fri 9-5 so that I could listen to everyone and their problems. God forbid I bother him with any concerns.
It was obvious this guy had a huge control problem and that knowledge was fully realized one Sunday morning during his sermon. He said, and I quote, “I was doing pre-marital counseling last week with Jack and Mary and they said….”
What? Did this guy seriously just divulge to a packed church the secrets two people shared in counseling? Yeah. He did. Not only that, but later in the same sermon he made reference to two families who left the church to attend elsewhere. He said, “it’s not God’s will that they left the church and no one from here is to have anything to do with them.”
After doing a little research I found out these two families tithed a pretty decent chunk every month and I think what he was missing was a fat check. When I raised my concerns the following day, he expressed his concerns for my “lack of obedience” and told me I was fired.
After that I have had a very bad taste for organized religion. I’m sure you can see why. I’ve progressively gained a potty mouth and Jack Daniels and I hooked up again, but the reality is that in my heart I’ve always thought God was cool.
I never performed a wedding ceremony, but I did oversee a funeral service for one of the guys from the rehab home who committed suicide. In his suicide note he specifically said that he wanted me to do the service. Whoa. I also preached more than a few times and I think I was pretty decent at it. I mean, I like to talk, so it should be all good, right?
Drama Queen doesn’t go to church as often as she probably should, but she knows that God is cool and when she wants to go, she knows that I will do my best to get her there.
So that’s my deal. I dig God and I’m pretty sure that God digs me. I’m rough around the edges but I really am a good guy. I’ve experienced firsthand how organized religion can suck balls and at this point in my life I have no real desire for it. That doesn’t mean that I won’t change my mind next year or next month, but for now this is how I’m gonna roll.
That’s me in the corner
That’s me in the spotlight, I’m
Losing my religion
J.R.
P.S.S. I never did finish my degree–the job offer came when I had a year left…
I don’t think any high schooler feels that they are “accepted.” I sure didn’t. You liked to bug me a lot, but I still liked you! …..And you don’t have to hide my identity. 🙂
You and I have had this discussion a couple of times and it still boggles my mind that a cute cheerleader (yeah, I said it) would not feel accepted in school. I always perceived you as smart and you could date anyone you wanted to (but I never asked you out because I “knew” you would say no). I don’t remember bugging you a lot, but if you say I did then I guess I will take your word for it. Thanks for being a friend back then and now! I know you’re going through some tough times right now… Read more »
P.S. I still have my book from World Religions! Maybe I AM ultra-Christian after all! tee hee
Quite the expose’, my friend. I enjoyed it. And yes, surprising….only because I did not know about all the youth pastor stuff! I can certainly understand your disillusion with the church. The church is only as perfect as the people in it. I have seen what goes on behind the scenes as well and I agree that it can be distasteful at times. Ultra-Christian I am not. I was raised in the Christian Reformed Church and haven’t strayed from what I was taught there. I’m extremely thankful for my church family, including my dear friends from VC that I still… Read more »
You are ultra rad (and your identity will remain safe with me). It’s funny because I felt like I wasn’t accepted at Valley and its only been in the last couple years that I re-connected with many of you that I found out people actually liked me back in high school. I will say that you were always one of the cool ones and maybe it was because we had so many classes together. I would love to go back and finish my degree in journalism, but the reality is that the religion courses won’t transfer over and I have… Read more »
Gay Andy – The Four Agreements is one of my favorite books. Ever. Also, I wrote a brief essay for The Smartly last night regarding Judge Walker’s Prop 8 ruling. Feel free to take a peek. http://www.thesmartlychicago.com/?p=249
So if Religion sucks balls…is it ok that I do too???? As a fellow Crusader ’84 rules….I appreciate your blog. It is kind of funny that I read this today–just when the California Federal Court overturned Prop 8. “Religion” is not one of my favorite topics. I believe…..after years of therapy and self abuse…that ‘God’ is love. Thats it. And the only true happiness that I will find, is when I am consciously spreading Love (God) to others. Thats it. When I am not doing that–living in Fear—then I get all fucked up. I am kinda retarded and have to… Read more »
Whoa. The Choir, The Altar Boys, Steve Taylor and Chegall Guevara?!? Throw in some DA, Adam Again and the 77’s and you’ve spelled out my early 90’s too.
Growing up in the church with Pastor parents was an experience to itself.
Enjoying the of. I’ve subscribed via RSS. But had to comment on this.
-whistler @whistler
Wait a minute…if you went to Valley Christian, does that mean you’re from the SJC? 🙂 That’s MY hood too!
Hope all is well with you & The Blogger Hottie. I’ve been following you guys through Daddy Files referral and love The Love Story.
ps….I’m the Commish in an ALL CHICKS fantasy league. The Commish Kit sent me an Early Bird Special for a free girlie calendar if I ordered my draft board early this year. I’m thinking about taking them up on it. 😀 sidenote; what’s your sleeper pick for a backup defense?
Valley Christian in Cerritos, CA. So Cal.
Let me look at the fantasy questions and get back with you. Thanks for the comment
When I’m not telling people I’m a Druid, I will admit to being spiritual, but not religious. I have had more than a few bad experiences with organized religion too, but me and the G-man are like this ][. He gets me.
One of my favorite quotes: (Gandhi)
“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
That about says it all.
(And, I can totally imagine you pulpit thumping)
Dude… if I didn’t have to run to a sales appointment, I’d want to write more, but all I want to say is that you don’t see a Dakoda Motor Co. reference very often. That lead singer was hot. 🙂
Thanks Brett. I just Google’d it and her name was Davia and she was totally smokin! The Lord wouldn’t have approved, but I will admit to having some impure thoughts about her.
I had a pretty mild religious upbringing. My mom certainly believed in God but didn’t really make the effort to go to church. When I met my exhusband in 1998 he was heavily involved in a religious cult. Yep…that’s right…I said “cult”. It was a milder form and not really the “kool-aid drinking” kind, but it definitely hit all the criteria for being a cult. I was there with him for 10 years. When our marriage started breaking down, I was kicked out. I lost everything that I believed in and almost every close friend that I’d had for a… Read more »
I always enjoyed God and Christ, just always got bothered by Christians. Still, great read a lil’ bit of biography with some music to go along with it. Now if only someone would write a blog post about Amadeus while rocking some “Rock Me Amadeus”.
Burn,
Tomorrow is Breaking the habit by Linkin Park, but I would definitely consider some Falco for later in the week. I’m ashamed to say that I used to dig that song back in the day and the movie Amadeus was a pretty decent flick. Let me mull that over for a couple of days…
Thanks Ralph!
I do dig your Facebook updates and I enjoyed the US v Canada smack talk we ran during the Olympics–though I still don’t know why that one guy totally mother fucked me because I kept saying “all I know about Cindy Crosby is she’s a good player”. Some people have no sense of humor (humour for you Canadians).
Please get me a radio job in Buffalo! I need to get back on the air!
Hi J.R. I am not holier than thou – BUT I am “hockier” than thou, so drop the puck already:) That was my status on Facebook today. You are one of my friends there and you have probably noticed I like to have good clean fun there and on my blog. My most recent post features a great song like you have here. Remember “Cleveland Rocks” by The Presidents of the United States of America opening “The Drew Carey Show?” One of my cool worldly possessions is a hockey jersey for R.E.M.’s “Monster.” I received it while working for Warner… Read more »
Wow!
I never would have thought you would have been involved in the church but, my respect for you has gone up 10x.
I can see why you choose to walk away from working in it but the fact that you did keep your love for God intact is something that a lot of people could not do. Kudos for you and for DQ.
As usual you have brightened my evening.
Now onto the Blogger Hottie 🙂
D
I grew up going to church. Started out Catholic, and then my mom and I started going to a Christian church after her and my dad split. In high school my mom was told, “Your daughter has a great potential to become a youth leader!” All of a sudden, I was being pushed-and-pushed. And if I steered off course, it became a huge problem. ANYWAY! Since I was 18, I have lived my life completely out of the goody-two-shoe-church-goer box. I’ve been married TWICE. I was with my ex for four years and we had two kids, before we actually… Read more »
P.S. I agree with Brian. I’m cool with Jesus, it’s the screaming fan club that frightens me.
I have no words sweetheart. This is absolutely your best blog post ever. EVER.
Considering I too was raised Lutheran I think we need to at least make sure that the Elvis impersonator that marries us in Vegas is Lutheran as well. Just kidding… I am just kidding people. Well, I’m not kidding about being Lutheran or the Vegas part, just the Elvis being Lutheran too part.
Shutting up now.
Thanks baby! That really does mean a lot. I don’t know about “best ever” but I will agree with “pretty damn rad”. As far as the whole wedding in Vegas with Lutheran Elvis goes… OK, but I have a few more blog posts to write and assorted errands to run before that happens. Dat cool?
Our histories are pretty similar. Makes me think of a t-shirt I saw here at the beach earlier this summer.
It had a picture of JC on the front. Just a standard pic of Him, standing on a hill, holding a lamb.
On the back it said “Lord, please save me from your followers!”
I attend church somewhat regularly and my biggest problems are not with God…they are with his followers.
High five for that shit, Brian!!!!