Manny Ramirez is a lazy sack of crap, Barry Bonds is a straight up asshole.
Thanks for allowing me to get the previous statement off my chest. I feel a little better at this moment. Not much, but a little. In case you didn’t hear, these two are back in the news this week because of their steroid use.
Let me start with that pajama wearing asshat, Manny. Yeah. He can hit. He fields like shit, but he can hit. At least, he can hit when he’s gaining an illegal advantage over the competition by taking banned substances. In the simplest of terms, he’s a fuckin cheater.
Is it just me or does anyone else think his nickname–Man Ram–sounds like the name of a gay porn star? I don’t know the names of any actual gay porn stars, but it sounds like what I imagine one to be.
Man Ram is a lazy dude who made a career out of hitting big home runs. His uniform looks like he’s wearing pajamas and he once went inside the Green Monster to drain the lizard. Right in the middle of an inning. Dude couldn’t even hold it. That’s sad. For the record, the Green Monster is the huge outfield wall in left field at Fenway Park in Boston. Apparently there’s a door which leads to a bathroom.
His top speed is “Medium Jog” and he rocks the dreads. Sounds like he may have been rockin something else, if you know what I mean. Let’s just say that he was/is most likely experiencing other aspects of Rastafarian culture. Look at him and tell me he’s not high.
When Boston got tired of his act they traded him to Los Angeles. Almost immediately, dude got hit with a 50 game suspension for sticking needles in his ass, and the Dodgers were pissed at him. I hate the Dodgers and I hate Manny, so that was a win-win situation for me. It was freakin cool.
It was announced this past week that dumbass got popped again. This suspension was going to cost him 100 games. That’s more than half a season. Instead of being a man and owning up to what he did, he retired. What a pussy. Yeah, this was going to be your last year, but Manny…can’t you be a man and admit you kept juicing?
Who the hell would want to take anything that shrinks your sack? I like mine as is and I don’t want to do anything to alter it in any way. God gave me that sack and I’m keeping it just like he made it.
We know Barry Bonds was on the juice. His mistress said so. She told media his testicles shrunk in size. His wife made no comment on the size of his sack, but his girlfriend did. That’s too funny.
The shrinking, of course, was from his steroid use. Barry Bonds trial is now over and the jury is deliberating. Will he finally be called a lying piece of crap or will be go back to believing he’s fooling people? God, I hope they find him guilty.
During the same time the balls were shrinking, Giants equipment staff noticed his hat size was getting bigger. That’s odd. He says he wasn’t using steroids, but his balls shrank and his head got bigger. What could that mean? Could Barry be lying to us? Shit yeah he is.
Dude knew exactly what he was putting in his body. Don’t think for a moment that he didn’t. That guy is a straight up dick. No one liked him personally and teammates avoid him. That says a lot about his character right there…
When he started out with the Pirates he seemed OK. I used to watch his dad play, when he was with the Angels in the mid 70’s. Bobby was cool. Barry is not. You can tell when he started juicing, because his home run output went up and he became a raging a-hole.
I hope the jury finds a way to send him to the joint. If he does, it will probably be some minimum security places. A Club Fed of sorts. I’d like him to go to one of those prisons they have on Beyond Scared Straight. A place where he would be some guys bitch and where he would get the shit kicked out of him on a regular basis. That would be so cool.
I’m not so sure why I have so much animosity towards these two, but I do. I could go on and on and give you a list of all the things they did, but it all comes down to one simple sentence. They fucked up a good game.
I’m definitely not one of the hardcore baseball purists. I enjoy the game, but generally don’t know a bunch of stats or standings. I know if my Angels and Cubs are playing well or if they suck ass, but I probably can’t tell you what place they’re in.
A father (or a mother) should never have to explain to their child that Barry Bonds cheated to get his records. A parent shouldn’t have to explain how sticking a needle in your ass gives you little balls, a big head and the ability to hit a baseball a long, long way. Kids don’t need to know that shit.
This kind of sports news is why I need to be back on the radio again. My co-host, Wes the Sports Guy, is amazingly smart, but when we get stories like this, he would shut up and let me roll with it for a bit.
Hopefully someone, somewhere wants to put us back on the air. That way when the next funny story surfaces, I can go on the air and make fun of it. We’re talking about podcasting until we get another gig, so maybe I will get a chance to go live and talk about my two favorite small sacked sluggers. That would be cool.
God I hate baseball….
I don’t know. I think too much emphasis is put on the cheaters and not enough is put on the organization (that up until a few years ago) promoted the use of PEDs. In order to give the fans a false sense of sport integrity, ironically, the “proof” was swept under the rug. They are being a lot more proactive about this now because the spotlight is shining directly on the black eye of the truth. But years ago they had a chance to stop all of this mess but they let it slide because people were getting excited again… Read more »
I am baseball crazy. I don’t care for these 2 “men”
I wish they would strip the title back from mcquire and let Maris’s title stand.
I also find it a bit refreshing that those guys in the 60’s and earlier accomplished these feats drinking, smokine and Carousing….now that’s an athelete. 🙂
Your comment forgot one word….Manny Ramirez is a NARCISSITIC LYING lazy sack of crap.
Hate to do it, but I have to disagree with one point. Steroids are not what fucked up a good game. Paying people millions of dollars to play a game is what fucked it up. If it hadn’t been for the ultra-high salaries these guys were looking at, I doubt that they would have bothered with the needles. Fact of the matter is, I have more respect for, and more fun watching, AAA ballplayers than I’ve ever had at a major league game. And those guys don’t make 6 digit salaries. As for your other points, yeah, Bonds and Manny… Read more »
Well stated. It’s these “small sacked” cheaters that ruin the achievements of all those who came before them.
Btw, love your Club Fed comment. I know a couple of great Fed buildings they would get along in just fine. The guys locked up in there like the small sacks.
Well written.
To put it in the simplest of terms, both of them are not getting into the Hall of Fame. That will be their ultimate punishment. They are two of, if not the most self-satisfying baseball players of all-time. They did what they did for themselves and don’t care about the ramifications. The best we can do as baseball fans is go back to before 1998 when the single season home run record is 61 by Roger Maris and the all-time home run king is Hank Aaron at 755. One interesting fact is that since Bonds, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa… Read more »
Dude….comments like that are why you are da man! Get us back on the radio, bro…