That would be cool.
Tonight I’m chilling on Twitter when I should be sleeping, and somehow @karensugarpants darts off course and the topic becomes The Bachelor/Bachelorette and what freakin losers they are. Suddenly, @guavalicious suggests that we start a campaign to make ME the next Bachelor. I like the idea.
I start thinking about this and wonder what it would be like to have a bunch of mostly-hot cougars-to-be fighting for a piece of me. I could totally dig this idea. I get my own bitchin pad to crash in with a brothel full of chicks living right next door. Sweet!
Each week I get to send the crankiest, bitchiest, ugliest one heading back to her momma. In fact, when they leave I should say something cool like, “Word to your mother.” Yeah. I like it…
I know that we would have to do the traditional stuff they do on the show, like go bowling or tour a museum, but I think we should J.R.-it-up-a bit with rules and tips such as:
Always wear something tight, low cut or both.
If you’re still around by the fourth week you will be putting out or you will get kicked out.
Jack Daniels is the only other dude allowed in the building. The camera crew will be all chicks. That way no dude can hack my mojo or cockblock me.
I enjoy it when you use innuendo.
No Tongue = No Fun
I get to have Life Lines, which will consist of some of my chick blogging friends. That way when I’m stuck, I can go get lectured by suggestions from them. Sorry guys, you can’t help judge. No dudes allowed. Remember?
I’m not being a dumbass, that’s part of my charm.
@tessasdad suggested, “When you hand out the roses, you would talk to yourself but out loud…’Hmmm…Nice rack but dumb as a rock’”. That would work, Chris; except that I don’t think I’m gonna give out roses. No, I think I’ll try and get Match.com as a sponsor and the woman that leaves gets a free 6-month subscription so that she can realize that she could have had me, but that she’ll have to settle for Carl who works overnights at the local adult boutique. I would also offer her my personal goodbye in a very private way. Wink, wink.
Whaddya think? Should I try and be the next Bachelor? It could be a ton of fun or it could be hell on earth. I think that I could put up with the hassle and headaches of doing the show if was getting funky with different hot chicks each night.
Could you imagine the gossip session in the ladies’ house? “He did? Wow! For that long? Really? No way…”
That would be cool.