The Double Standard

If I didn’t mention your blog, don’t get your thong all up your ass…

Any blog post that includes a disclaimer has a 50-50 shot of being good.  Either it’s total crap drivel that some lunatic is spouting, or it’s well thought out and doesn’t scare  the bejesus out of you..  Come to think of it, the lunatic who would spout the drivel wouldn’t be intelligent enough to put up a disclaimer and many wouldn’t know HOW to spell disclaimer, so I guess we’re left with the obvious conclusion–this is some good shit.

I have one thing to discuss before we go into the “real” blog post.  What is a dad blogger?  Is he simply a father of a younger child who writes about the adventures of Johnny or Jane as they go through all the “firsts” in their life?  Does a dad blog have to be about play dates and poopy diapers?  To me this seems to be the stereotypical dad blog. There’s nothing wrong with those blogs.  But I don’t think there should be a stereotype.

Like it or not, there is so much more to being a dad than cute stories involving our kids.  As dads, our number one priority is absolutely our families.  I respect that and would have it no other way.  There are many kinds of dads out there–and I’m talking about more than simply, “Good or bad”.  There are cool dads and their are dorky dads.  There are geek dads and dads that think “Social media” means reading the paper on a crowded subway.  There are dads that can cook a gourmet meal and dads that don’t understand,”poke three holes in the plastic before microwaving”.

There are all different kinds of dads, so there should be many different types of dad blogs.  Several people tell me that my blog isn’t a dad blog.  I totally disagree.  It’s true that my daughter, The Drama Queen, isn’t the central character in all my blog posts, but I do write about her, her experiences growing up and what she does to drive me to hang with my good pal Jack Daniels.

There is a lot more to my life than just her.  I have (some) friends.  I have a (crappy) job.  I (as of late, very occasionally) date.  And I have everyday shit that goes on in my life.

Therefore, in this blog post, my definition of “dad blogs” would be blogs written by dads who include their children 100% of the time or only some of the time.  The key to all this is to look at things with an open mind.

Finally,let me say that this is in no way a slam of mom bloggers, of moms as a whole or of women.  This is simply my personal observation of the double standard that exists within the blogosphere when it comes to mom bloggers and dad bloggers.

Disclaimer:

This blog post is simply to point out the double standard that exists between the mom blogging community and the dad blogging community.  It is in no way a slam on the mom blogging community.  In this post I will mention several mom bloggers and their blogs.  I am not saying ANYTHING bad about these people, what they write, how they write it or the content that they write about.

There are hundreds of examples I could use on any of these points, but I’m only going to use a few.  If I didn’t mention your blog, don’t get your thong all up your ass–just leave a comment with your blog info and call me a dumbass for leaving you out.

In fact, if you read closely, you will see that I dig the shit out of what mom bloggers can do and still be socially acceptable.  I want that same acceptance to extend to dad blogs or blogs written by males in general.

I love the mom bloggers and many mom bloggers love me.  And my blog.  And shit.

NAMES:

In late November of 2009 I started thinking about doing this blog.  A bunch of my friends kept telling me I should publish these stories and for years I ignored them.  Every girl I went out with had a pseudonym.  After a few, The crazy chick” stories, my friends would get confused and ask, “Is the same crazy chick or   different one.  And thus, great characters like The Period One, The 36-year-old Virgin, Phone Sex Operator and The Blogger Hottie were born.

I was working with an editor at Skunkpost on the idea for this blog and we came up with Sex and the Single Dad.  It was catchy and, in my opinion, a great idea.  The blog went up in mid December and since then I’ve had a handful of people tell me that it’s not at all cool to have the words “Sex” and “Dad” in the blog title.  Really?  I’m pretty sure that a Sex and the Single Mom site would be a huge success.

I have no plans to change the name, but on a few occasions I’ve thought about what I would change it to.  It’d have to be catchy and have a little swagger and edge, just like me.  I’m not sure if I really have any, “swagger and edge”, but I like to think I do.  There is a “Boobs, Ballgames and Beer site.  How about a Sack, Swimming and SoCo site?  Nah.  “Sack” is just a really poor image.

Vodka Mom and Mommy Wants Vodka are two of my absolute favorites and I think it’s all the way cool that they can have those names and be accepted by the masses. But let’s be real.  Whiskey Dad or Daddy Wants Tequila would be bombarded with hate on a daily basis.  That’s the double standard at work.  The image of women drinking is classy, sexy and fun.  The image of men drinking are two truckers sitting at a bar with their major plumbers crack working in the rear and their gut resting comfortably on the bar, in front of the watered down scotch on the rocks in front of them.

The names are only a small part of the double standard that I see.  A lot of the double standards come with my next section…

REVIEWS/CONTENT:

Listen to what a mom (OK.  A MILF) says when she gets a peek at a 17-year old in prime shape.  “Mmmmmhhhmmmmm.  I could go for a piece of that!!!”   If a woman said that in a blog, no one would think twice.  In fact she’d probably get a couple dozen, You go girl, comments.  What would happen if a dad said, “Damn.  Check out that hot 16 year old!!!” I’ll tell you what would happen,  Chris Hanson would be on your doorstep with a camera crew and a mobile booking station around the corner.  I’m NOT saying it’s cool to be checking out or commenting on minors.  It’s just to point out a double standard.

Maybe that’s an extreme example, but sex plays a HUGE part in this double standard.  Search out and scan blogs from some of your favorite mom bloggers.  Chances are very good that you will find a link to their sex toy reviews or even have their reviews right on their blog.  Those reviews are completely accepted and in many cases it’s a “women empowered” thing.  I get that.  It’s totally cool.  Revisit my disclaimer–I’m not opposed to this content,  I just wish dads have the same right,

What do you think would happen to a dad blogger who put links to his “Review of the new Jenna Jameson DVD” or had a post titled, “Five nasty things you can do to really get her off”?  It would be labeled as pornography, There would be a virtual “ripping off of the balls” rally and he would have every blog troll hitting his site.

Mom’s can toss the word “Vagina” in their posts at will and many review the art of vajazzling.  What would happen to a guy who often use the word “penis” is his posts?  Or worse yet, “my penis”.  Dude would have so many haters you would think he was a Boston Celtic or Denver Bronco.

LANGUAGE:

Dads who swear are crude, crass, filthy or vulgar.  Mothers who swear are liberated, modern, progressive or just have a potty mouth.  I’ve dropped an F bomb or two on my blog and I won’t apologize for that.  Hell, from time to time I even make up bad words.  Most of the time I take old classics and give them the J.R. twist, but I’ve been known to simply invent a new one for use in a particular situation.

In the past if I’ve sworn in a post I’ve received comments saying that the whole idea was good, but I could have written it without the profanity.  “Profanity”?  Seriously?  One of my favorite movie quotes of all time is Eddie Murphy from Beverly Hills Cop:

Sergeant Taggart: We’re more likely to believe an important local businessman than a foul-mouthed jerk from out of town.
Axel Foley: Foul-mouthed?
[Taggart nods]
Axel Foley: Fuck you, man.

One of my absolute favorite mom bloggers swears a lot.  But it’s put in there for emphasis and meaning.  And it’s funny.  Really funny.  Hell, in her latest post she swears 8 times in a three sentence paragraph!  That takes mad skills and I’m giving mad props to Mommy Wants Vodka.

“That said, I’ll allow a couple more days to win a years worth of motherfucking ice cream for motherfucking charity. Who gives a fucking shit if you’re fucking polite about it and fucking shit? We can be charitable without being all vanilla. And shit.”

Aunt Becky

I have absolutely nothing against this paragraph and in fact I think its some damn fine writing.  Jamie over at Single Mom Survives knows a swear word or two and uses them in almost every blog post from time to time.  I’m not saying that mom and dad blogs should be vulgar and crass, but I do believe that every blogger–no matter whether they have dude junk, chick junk or *shudder* both sets of junk–should be able to say things using the language they choose.  Basically; if it’s cool for mom blogs, it should be cool for dad blogs as well.

CONCLUSION:

I’m not saying that dad bloggers are getting the shaft right now.  I think the large majority of dad bloggers hope to never get the shaft.  A few do.  If you do, that’s cool.  It’s not MY thing.  That’s all I’m saying.  But I digress.

Mom blogs are celebrated for their “pushing the boundaries” and “thinking outside the box” while dad blogs are looked down upon, ridiculed and chastised when we try to be guys.  I’m not asking for world peace or a slice with sausage and hot peppers from Zetti’s on Maple.  All I’m asking is that dad blogs be placed on a level playing field with mom blogs.  That way everyone can be judged for their talent and their content without the sex of the blogger coming into play.

In case you haven’t figured out the whole point to this post, it’s simple.  Perception.  I have zero complaints with the names, content or language of mom blogs.  What I do have a problem with is the fact that people perceive them to be different from us.  There should be no, “yours” or “mine”.  It should be “our genre” and in my world there would be no “mom blogs” or “dad blogs”.  There would only be “good blogs” and “bad blogs”.

Does anyone have a guitar so we can all gather like hippies and sing Kumbaya?  That would be pretty fuckin sweet!

J.R.

P.S.  If you’re a mom blogger, dad blogger or someone who just has an opinion, please comment!  If you feel so inclined, could you RT this, post the link on your Facebook page.  blog, car, wherever you can.  I want to get 100 comments on this puppy!