Annie Scudder takes us from the 1960s to today, when laws against “living in sin” remain on the books in some American states.
On TrèsSugar this week, Mad Men’s Peggy Olson opens the door on a discussion of cohabitation.
“He’s using you for practice,” Peggy Olson’s Catholic mother warns this week on Mad Men. Mrs. Olson isn’t too pleased that her working-girl daughter has decided to “live in sin,” as the elder Olson describes it, with her boyfriend Abe. Modern American women with traditional parents may find the disapproval over moving in together familiar, but compared to the 1960s, society in general has become much more accepting of cohabitation.
Despite her rebellious ways, we still see Peggy adopting some of the habits of a homemaker onMad Men. Dressed in an apron, she makes a ham for Abe, his favorite. She even has a portrait of John F. Kennedy hanging in her home, just like her mom. But back then, couples who lived together weren’t necessarily on their way to marriage. In the 1960s and ’70s the minority of couples who “shacked up” saw it as a progressive statement against marriage and viewed living together an end in itself.
Today, it’s often regarded as a step toward marriage; the higher divorce rate may explain the desire to test things out first. In 2002, the National Survey of Family Growth found that 65 percent of unmarried couples who lived together in fact got married within five years. So as cohabitation becomes mainstream in America, many of those couples still see a trip down the aisle as their path toward happily ever after. They’ll just practice, often with each other, first.
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Ooops accidentally sent my comment! Mods please correct!
on and off for 10 years.
Well, all I can say is *I* will not be cohabiting with anyone unless he puts a ring on it. I’m not going to live with a man and act as his wife unless I am his wife. I used to go to relationships forum. Pretty often a woman would come on there and ask,” I’ve been shacking up with my bf for 5,10 years, but he won’t marry me?” All I can say is duh, of course he didn’t. You are bedding him and taking care of him already, what does he gain from marriage? Woman thinks cohabitation will… Read more »
Yeah all I can say is, not so much. I’ve known quite a few hetero couples who got married after co-habitating. If someone is in a relationship where both people don’t want the same thing, then it’s time to get out of the relationship. Neither side should be trying to maneuver the other into marriage (or lack there of). And that’s what it sounds like you’re saying…don’t co-habitate because then he’ll never marry you. As if you should be doing whatever you can to make sure he does marry you. Which is just…that’s a pretty dour outlook on relationships.
I’ve known quite a few hetero couples who got married after co-habitating.”
Me,too, but most of the time from what I’ve seen they often don’t.
don’t co-habitate because then he’ll never marry you.”
Which is a lot of the time true, dour or not.
As if you should be doing whatever you can to make sure he does marry you. ”
But if a woman wants to get married, why shouldnt she?
“But if a woman wants to get married, why shouldnt she?”
Presumably it’s more important to find the right person to marry, than to marry anyone. It’s backwards to try to trick/force/whatever the person you are with to marry you. If you’re with someone who isn’t in the same relationship-space as you are, then work it out…talk about it. Maybe he just needs more time. Or maybe he doesn’t want to get married at all. Then the woman needs to break it off and find someone who wants the same things in a relationship as she does.
a good man does not feel entitled to sex from a partner & a good woman would not condition a relationship of fidelity yet expect a man to deny himself any pleasures…. so is it possible for two lovers to be lovers for a lifetime? Given changes in genital health, pregnancy or refusal to take turns in a variety of intimate activities two people can give to one another without “giving in” to “one thing” “all the time” seems to me the critical decision tree of relationships…. John Edwards had a sick/dying spouse not likely interested in much sexual activity… Read more »
young people who have no children do not always equate co-habitation with “consumation” and in 13 states when couples contract for items or services with “holding out” declaring to others they are functionally married THEY ARE…. SO the labels of “wife” & “husband” can be repulsive to many couples whether they engage in intimate sexual contact or share living expenses…. as for those of us who are aging, sexual activity is not a routine matter…. people have varying libido & reasons to quit or delay frequent orgasmic attempts… menopausal women are thus infertile & may change again their appetite for… Read more »
Regardless of one’s position on living together, perhaps, before or instead of marriage, the fact is the America has become a cohabitation nation. Years of condemnation and negative research studies have had no effect on slowing the rate of cohabitation since most couples reject the guiltladen, fear-mongering attempts to discourage their living arrangement. Instead, most cohabiters fear a failed marriage even more than the criticism, so opt to live together despite the odds. Now over 60% of all couples who marry will cohabit first and while the rate of marriage continues to decline, the rate of cohabitation will skyrocket since… Read more »
If you’re going to talk about the history of marriage please remember to mention “heart-balm” scams and how common they were before the laws were repealed.