How does a man feel after sex? That depends upon the man and his history.
♦◊♦
afterwards
now I’m a tiny bird
cold and quivering in your hands.
now I’m a small boy
lost in a department store that’s about to close.
seconds ago I was a lion in your bed
a storm blowing out your walls
jupiter crashing into venus
the climax of an opera
now I’m a little lost traveler
hiding in a land of giants
you could kill me with the flick of a finger
or a harsh word.
I need your protection in this moment
when I’m so open
so vulnerable
because this is when the phantoms come
this is when
the black wordless void where I was taken as a child
returns to claim me again
opening its dark mouth under my feet
pulling me down into its throat
sending me back in time to myself
showing me how small and alone I was
when it happened.
please don’t abandon me now
not now
stay close
be with me
breathe with me
just give me a few minutes
and I’ll be the man you know again.
Read more Poetry on The Good Life.
Also by Rick Belden: Safe Sexx Confession. “she says she’s a writer”
Copyright © 2008 by Rick Belden. Excerpted from Scapegoat’s Cross: Poems about Finding and Reclaiming the Lost Man Within. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License. www.rickbelden.com.
Image credit: davedehetre/Flickr
About Rick Belden
Your poem made me cry.
It is the very cry of my soul.
Thank you for given words to my feelings.
Beautiful poem!
Very brave to convey such vulnerability. Thank you for sharing
Excellent poem Rick. The way you convey the insecurity that comes post-sex is magnificent, and I’m sure many men can relate to it.
As a woman, I was so deeply moved that a man was able to share such intimate and personal feelings. To be so willing to be vulnerable and ask to be protected in such a delicate state. It helped me tremendously to understand how to be there for my husband during these moments. He would not be able to articulate such things about himself, I’m so thankful to know how to be there for him. I would not want to hurt him, intentionally or not. Sharing intmate love should bring us together not leave scars or fears. Thanks so much for giving me a peek into the mind/feelings of a man.
This is why the french call it “le petit mort”, the little death.
Thanks very much to everyone for reading and commenting on this poem. I appreciate your thoughtful responses.
I wrote and have shared this piece not just in response to my own experience, but as a response to the prominent cultural meme that men are unfeeling animals or machines when it comes to sex, especially immediately after climaxing. This is simply not true for the majority of us. I think a lot of men who shut down or push partners away after sex (or appear to) do so precisely because it is a vulnerable moment, physically as well as psychologically and emotionally, and therefore feels very unsafe. That moment is, as Joe so keenly observed, “the little death” for men. A history of prior trauma or damage, as in my case, merely amplifies the vulnerability that is naturally present.
As Beth said, “Sharing intimate love should bring us together not leave scars or fears.” I look forward to the day when men and women alike are spared such profound damage in moments so ripe with the possibility of deep nourishment and healing.