In the follow-up to his original “Awkward Conversation,” Oliver Lee Bateman offers a disturbing example of a man who refuses to commit.
“Okay, Emily, it’s been nearly two hours, so I think that about does it for this evening. You can drive me home now.”
“Do you think maybe I can come up and see your place tonight, Toe?”
“Nah, we’ve only been chilling for the past year. I don’t want to rush this shit.”
“I understand, Toe. You’re not even 40 yet.”
“Yeah dude, I’m barely 39. I’ve got my whole life ahead of me. Besides, my moms doesn’t want me bringing girls up there.”
“It’s fine, Toe. I’ve got a lot of faith in you, and I’ve been very patient. That’s why I’ve been paying your cell phone bill and putting you through community college. How’s that going, by the way?”
“Man, I dropped out a couple months ago. I don’t think the hard-ass profs there ever really understood me. They were always up in my grill, taking attendance and flunking my papers.”
“I understand, Toe. You’ve got an artistic soul. I know you’re going to develop into something great–you just need to find yourself! May I ask what you did with the last check I gave you, then? Is that okay?”
“I bought this sweet hoodie I’ve wearing right now. And check out my new Fossil watch. Isn’t that baller?”
“Sure, it’s so baller. I’ve never seen anything more baller or fly than that stuff. Now, can I ask you another question?”
“All right, dawg, but I’m starting to feel like this is that ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’ app I just downloaded for my celly.”
“Why would my friend Camden say she saw you at the club last Saturday, making out with another girl?”
“Shit, dawg, that isn’t even the truth. And besides, it didn’t even happen. And besides, that was my sister. And besides, it wasn’t like I did it right in front of you. And besides, you and me only chill on Tuesdays and Thursdays, know what I’m saying?”
“What? What kind of answer is that, Toe?”
“It’s the answer I’m giving you, bro. Hey, speaking of answers, I need to pick up some meds for my moms for all her colds and flus–think you could spot me a hundred bucks?”
“Toe, I don’t get paid until next week, and…”
“Look, it’s for my moms. She’s sick as hell and maybe if she gets better you can come up to my room and we can chill in there, play a little Xbox, a little Madden once I buy this new Madden game with that hundred bucks I’m about to get…”
“Do you promise, Toe? Do you promise we’ll be able to do that?”
“I guess, bro. Whatever. Just give me the hundred bucks and I’m sure she’ll let us pound town on her futon, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Toe, you still didn’t tell me about what happened on Saturday, and while I know it’s not right to be jealous…”
“Why are you all up in my grill like one of those hard-ass professors, dawg? I never ask you about your business.”
“No, you don’t. And don’t you think that’s a little weird? After a whole year of, uh, chilling out and me lending you money and you doing absolutely nothing, shouldn’t you care a tiny bit about me?”
“You know I don’t talk about that ‘feelings’ bullshit, bro. You and I, we do our thing on Tuesday and Thursday. We keep it real–real real, know what I’m saying?”
“Toe, I don’t understand what that means. As it stands , you’ve never said a single substantial thing to me. Nothing. You’ve never so much as asked me what I do for a living.”
“I figured, like, that was boring, know what I’m saying? You don’t want to talk about jobs and stuff when you’re chilling. I never talk about jobs.”
“You don’t have a job! Seriously, Toe, are you okay with this? Okay with how we are?”
“Huh?”
“Is this okay?”
“It’s okay by me, dude.”
This is a followup to the original: An Impossibly Awkward Conversation
Photo–sweetron1982/Flickr
About Oliver Lee Bateman
Any man (or, Toe) who talked to me like that would not have lasted a year of “chillin.” There’s just as much wrong with the man who behaves in this noncommittal way as there is with the woman who puts up with/enables it.
Right well I’m being a little bit nitpicky…but the slang’s got some really odd racial and class undertones to it. The stereotype of the poor, African-American or Latino man who can’t commit to a woman or get a job doesn’t need to be reinforced.
Or is the point that it’s some middle-class guy trying to pretend he’s “street?” Because that wouldn’t be problematic.
I think the point is that it’s some 39-year-old man who is talking like a 21-year-old frat boy. In other words, think the slang was chosen to reflect the guy’s immaturity, not necessarily race or class. (Maybe it’s just me but I associate that language more with young guys trying to be cool than with a particular ethnic group or social class.)
KKZ is right, but I’d like to clarify it to ensure that no offense is taken: “Toe” is a grown man who talks like a frat boy who is trying to talk like some sort of hip-hop figure he’s seen on MTV. Heather’s characterization of the story–that it’s “about a man and a woman who are both so self-involved they expect the people they are with to change their behaviour to suit their whims”–is accurate. In fact, that characterization is even more applicable to the actual story that inspired this scaled-down and fictionalized one: a personal friend dated a “Toe”-like character for nearly ten years in spite of the fact that “Toe” never found a job, graduated from anything, or even sought treatment for his alleged mental problems (of which “malingering” appeared to be the only identifiable condition). Obviously, that relationship was much more complicated than this one, and there was clearly more to love about that “Toe” character, but the point is still valid: neither one of those people was the “hero,” and it seems (as a few commenters have noted) that “Toe” was the more honest of the two regarding his intentions and expectations.
Okey pokey. Thanks for clarifying. Just ignore my criticism then.
“Toe” is a grown man who talks like a frat boy who is trying to talk like some sort of hip-hop figure he’s seen on MTV.
im almost 37, i thought toe was just using the slang his youth eg fly, chillin’, keeping it real. these words became global slang, certainly in the anglospeaking world, in the late 80s/ early 90s
Thats really fricken pathic ! Any women that puts up with that shit got to have mental problems!!! Disgusting!!!!
Shouldn’t this be in the creative writing section or something? I mean, it was kind of entertaining, but I don’t think it really added anything to discourse, knowledge, or what have you.
This is a story about a man who is getting more out of life than he is putting in. So … what is the problem?
Of course, the judgmental tone of the article does not escape me. I get it, the author wants men to do what men have allways done: put more into life than we get out.
Why should we?
Actually, I view this as a story about a man and a woman who are both so self-involved they expect the people they are with to change their behaviour to suit their whims. That’s the problem.
Looks like Toe’s got a sweet deal and a brain-dead girlfriend. Why on earth would he spoil it with commitment? Enjoy, Toe!
MGTOW is the intersection of two solutions:
1) Civil rights activism
2) Suicide
MGTOW is equal parts hope ahd despair. Equal parts over-indulging in life and giving up on life. It is also the last option for men who run out of options. I will never criticize it.
Intresting piece there!.
And thanks for using one of my picture’s suits the text.
Regards,
Ronnie Meijer
http://www.flickr.com/sweetron1982
Women absolutely adhore the good looking loser these days. So, what incentive does he have to grow up?
Let “Toe” do whatever the f*ck he wants. Why should he live his life any differently?
Flip the gender.
Men are often coughing up wads of cash for their girlfriends for very similar reasons – paying for their education, paying for their car loans, paying for clothing, etc, etc.
Hypocrisy. Double standards.
Men – leave the plantation and go your own way. Never be a slave to this sick society. Never be a slave to women.