The Master Bath: Where Romance Goes to Die

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About Mervyn Kaufman

A consumer-magazine writer, Mervyn Kaufman is the author most recently of The Shamrock Way, the history of Arizona's biggest and most enduring food-service company, and coauthor of the Gary Stevens memoir, The Perfect Ride.


  1. I believe that there’s a level of intimacy that I will never want with another person and that level of intimacy begins and ends with either of us defecating. I choose to believe, all evidence to the contrary, that no woman I’ve ever spent or will spend “quality time with” has ever pooped. Let me maintain some mystery.

    Furthermore, if you can both get some warm water and safe, solid footing, shower sex is pretty excellent. The weird thing you have about needing to wash “afterwards” is basically done and done. Three cheers for the occasional recreational use of a very expensive bathroom!

  2. Mervyn Kaufman says:

    Tom, your comment brought to mind an anecdote shared with me, years ago, by a colleague whose tales of sexual prowess were always pretty dazzling. He recalled that, while still a Columbia undergraduate, he used to take his girlfriend for an overnight at the Belleclaire, which is a great 19th-century pile on upper Broadway. Today it’s a residential hotel; then, I guess it happily received transients.

    Anyway, Hank described how he and his partner would take off their clothes in the giant bathroom, smear themselves with Jergens’ Lotion, then get into the tall, long, footed bathtub and have sex (I don’t think love had anything to do with it). After regaling me and others repeatedly with this sticky tale, he did finally confess, “I gotta tell ya, fucking is better in bed.”

  3. Oh wow! Very insightful — I guess women think differently…. I always thought of the Master Bath as an extension of the Master Bed, I was REALLY excited that my shower has a seat in it! Silly me!
    (I happened upon this site and really like reading your perspectives!)

  4. I like the idea of the toilet being in it’s own little room. I want a big show, a big tub and 2 sinks. But I want the toilet separate.

  5. My dad’s master bath has WC!! They all need WCs, or else, why??? oh, and 2 shower heads…that have streams that meet in the middle, with decent PSI.

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