Why don’t straight men like anal sex? Maria Pawlowska’s answers might surprise you.
Here’s a superficially odd question: what do dildos, social constructs of gender, and homophobia have in common? Well actually, the last two are the major reason for which the aforementioned sex toy doesn’t get much love from heterosexual males (for use on themselves, that is).
Male anal sex—particularly heterosexual—is a bit of a taboo topic. Most of us liberals have sort of gotten our heads around the idea of what gay man supposedly do in bed (although really we should assume it’s just about as varied as what heterosexuals do, right?) but the idea of anal penetration of a heterosexual man by his female partner is still considered anything from unnatural to outright disgusting and wrong. Now, I’m fully aware that anal sex is not everybody’s proverbial cup of tea, but there are good physiological reasons for men to potentially enjoy anal sex—the “theoretical basis” is at least as strong as for anal sex performed on females which is decidedly less taboo. The prostate gland is highly sensitive and it is possible for men to achieve orgasm solely through its stimulation. And what’s an easy way to access the prostate gland…? Yup, you probably guessed—through receptive anal intercourse.
So why is it that most (heterosexual) men give up on the possibility of mind-blowing orgasms without much consideration and just decide anal penetration is a definite “no-go?” (According to the Centers for Disease Control’s National Survey of Family Growth less than 40% of men engage in heterosexual anal sex.) Obviously, for some men this is just personal preference—they can’t see themselves liking it and fair enough. But for many this attitude may be the result of deeply ingrained gender stereotypes and socially-induced homophobia (yes, even in those really liberal guys who—on a conscious level—have absolutely nothing against homosexuals and loudly advocate for gay marriage). There’s a difference between being intellectually completely accepting of other people’s sexual choices and being open to exploring things, which our culture teaches us are wrong when naked—i.e. just about as vulnerable as it gets.
And although things are definitely looking up, whatever else anyone says, our culture is still homophobic to a considerable degree. Not caring about other people’s sexuality is on its way to becoming the new normal, but we still have a long way to go, that’s for sure. And until we get there male homosexuality will get the brunt of the homophobia. The social “invisibility” of female homosexuality has to a certain degree resulted in less stigmatization. (It’s also because lesbianism is treated less seriously and more often dismissed as “just a phase.”) What’s more, “butch” lesbians “masculinize” their appearances—they may seem “odd” but as Madonna sang back in 2001:
Girls can wear jeans
And cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots
‘Cause it’s OK to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
‘Cause you think that being a girl is degrading
Consequently, lesbians bring up fewer negative connotations and pop-culture tends to over-sexualize them, but gay men are typically portrayed as anything from unappealingly “effeminate” to obscene and perverted. And, invariably, anal sex is thought to be one of the major sexual activities that men who have sex with men engage in. Because of the different ensemble of sexual organs in women, male anal penetration has become nearly synonymous with gay sex.
According to heteronormative societal standards, there are a number of issues with men being gay, many of which can be boiled down to the fact that they are seen as giving up (at least partially) their well-deserved male privileges and becoming more “like women.” Behaviors judged as “female” may involve anything from tight-fitting clothes through to personal grooming and “girly interests” in fashion as well as… sexual submissiveness. Particularly this last bit is a serious issue for some. Being the “passive” partner in a sexual relationship is traditionally reserved for women. And women, traditionally, have it generally worse off (yay for the Equal Pay Act—too bad women on average still earn only 70 cents to the man’s dollar). Now, why would anyone want to give up their sexual privileges—become passive and like gay men/women—and actually be the penetrated partner when men are endowed with the wonder of the penis and therefore should be the active partner? The superiority of the “active” vs. “passive” partner goes back to ancient Greece when older and powerful men took lovers whom they had sex with but were never penetrated by— there was a clear connection between sexual activity and societal status. Overall, the message men get is basically this: society doesn’t think that being gay is such a great thing -> gay men have anal sex -> enjoying anal penetration can make you (seem) gay -> that’s a bad thing.
And so we’re back to the dildo—believe it or not, but according to research in this area most heterosexual men exclude the possibility of using dildos precisely because they don’t want to act “gay” and be “passive.” It’s got nothing to do with what they like or dislike in bed (mostly because they don’t know if they do if they haven’t tried it). It’s more illogical and subconscious than a superficial sexual preference. Heterosexual men’s deep-seated aversion to this form of sex-play is mostly the result of what society has taught us about sex and gender roles and not what our bodies might enjoy. Whether you like it or not, most of the time there really is way more than just you and your partner(s) in the bedroom.
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photo by stagshop and fabrisalvetti / flickr
About Maria Pawlowska
Scary to see a healthcare analyst who is totally unaware that too much anal play can damage the sphincter permanently. How much damage should people be willing to do in pursuit of the almighty climax?
Untrue. There is no evidence that anal play causes damage. If it hurts you’re doing it wrong.
Skep…. too much vaginal play can damage the vagina and the labia.
Too much drink can damage the esophagus… and the liver.
Too much of anything is damaging… because it’s TOO much!
You’re obviously here to denigrate gay people…
A parody, for illustration purposes:
There’s clear medical evidence that the vagina is not designed for sexual penetration. Look at all the medical problems that come with vaginal intercourse – yeast infections, STI’s, HPV-related cervical cancer, ectopic pregnancies, etc. Vaginal intercourse can lead to this condition called pregnancy, which can be very dangerous for some women. It’s like a parasite develops inside the uterus, contorts your body, alters your hormones, and even softens your pelvic joints. Women all over the world die from it. Many women know this and still engage in vaginal intercourse anyway, sometimes just because they find it pleasurable. They don’t realize that the physiology textbooks call it a birth canal, and that’s the only natural function that it has. Don’t they know how many prostitutes come into the emergency room with damage to their vaginas?
Vaginal intercourse is the #1 cause of pregnancy, and therefore the #1 cause of the unholy practice of abortion. When will this unnatural, disgusting habit stop? How many people have to get hurt before we wake up to what Mother Nature is telling us?…..
Dizzying l! If everyone followed your logic the human race would die out. But, for the public good my wife and I will take the risk of human reproduction and you can take yours with fecal incontinence. Meet you at the hospital.
Didn’t intend to post this one. Thought better of it. Not sure what happened.
I thought it was pretty funny retort, actually. I was thinking of making a smartass comment about not assuming that a baby has to be born in a hospital….
P.S. Oh yeah, and I don’t think it’s my responsibility to make sure that the human race doesn’t die out. I’m not sure that’s a real tragedy. Statistical probability of 99% that it will someday anyway, if the fossil record is any indication. Besides, very few people actually have children with the survival of the species in mind, so why should I? Raises another thorny question — how could someone have evolved to think the way that I do about the future of the species? That seems like really bad brain design….
….see you there when your wife develops breast cancer because of your incessant mauling of her glands with your hands –her glands meant to feed your own children! Despicable.
Dizzying logic. Following it would end the human race. Not sure if you thought it through all the way.
Apparently not.
With the the 7 billionth baby just born — which doubles the global population of less than 50 years ago — you can’t seriously be concerned about the human race dying out.
And you can’t seriously think that anal sex leads to incontinence. For that homophobic fantasy to be true, no gay neighborhood in the world would be able to keep the Depends in stock. Ads for adult diapers would be in every gay magazine. How to care for your incontinence would be a major topic of gay conversation. As much as you’d like to pretend otherwise, that just ain’t happening.
Sorry, but vaginal intercourse is greatly inferior to anal if, for no other reason, than anal cannot lead to over-population. If more breeders would practice it both ways, in fact, we’d not only have less people and more sexually satisfied humans, but straight men would have a greater appreciation of women, as well. Beyond all that, the world really doesn’t need your genes, thanks.
“Sorry, but vaginal intercourse is greatly inferior to anal if, for no other reason, than anal cannot lead to over-population.”
Anal sex increases the risk of anal cancer. Vaginal sex increases the risk of having a baby. I’ll take my chances with a baby. They’re nice. I like them.
The chances of getting anal cancer from anal sex are far less than the chances of having a baby from vaginal intercourse.
Besides, you clearly don’t know anything about what happens during pregnancy if all you associate with this process is a “baby”.
I’ll take my chances with another baby over anal cancer every single time. I absolutely love babies, especially when I can see my wife and I in them. It’s beautiful. However, I can’t think of a single positive thing to say about anal cancer. But, if that’s your preference, I won’t stand in your way.
I know a good bit about pregnancy having worked with many pregnant women as part of my volunteer work. I know the process very well.
But can’t vaginal intercourse contribute to cervical cancer? Or ectopic pregnancies? I’m not sure that any form of sex is completely free of complications.
OH PLEASE…
oh please, Mary….really ? Homophobia…bad…but mysygony…ok..even maybe a little funny…
anal sex…..sure..it’s your anus. Superior to vaginal…..lol..not in my vagina, sweetheart…..I have a ring of muscles that would pop even YOUR cork.
you are a woman hater.
and ..I know gay men whose ass’ss are SHOT…and permanently gapped…so don’t bother.
“When will this unnatural, disgusting habit stop? How many people have to get hurt before we wake up to what Mother Nature is telling us?”
When the Good Men Project succeeds in its mission to persuade all heterosexual males to either commit suicide, become eunuchs, or become homosexual.
“When the Good Men Project succeeds in its mission to persuade all heterosexual males to either commit suicide, become eunuchs, or become homosexual.”
I’m assuming the “either/or” terms were not meant to be mutually exclusive. One could actually do all three, theoretically. (As long as the suicide is last, of course.)
Yes, one could do all three. But doing just one would be sufficient to make sure that that person does not engage in vaginal sex with a female person, thus helping end the putrid horror of vaginal sex that “That Guy” was bemoaning.
Keep fighting the good fight against the male-heterophobia. The average go to work every day hetero male really is not the inherently evil scum of the earth personification of evil he’s made out to be by some here.
As I’ve said before elsewhere – I don’t understand how anyone can have a hole, and never have tried sticking something into it.
Without getting too graphic here – how do people properly clean their number 2 without doing some form of digital insertion in that supposed one-way hole?
There’s a big difference between necessary cleaning and getting off (mind you there are some people who may be off on having their anus cleaned and there’s nothting wrong with that but its not like they can be treated as on and the same).
What a piece of nonsense. I wonder who’s been watching too much porn?
Not wanting objects crammed up your poop-shoot has nothing to do with culture. Have you visited the zoo lately? What group of mammals are doing anal? Nature designed two anal sphincters – an internal and an external, to keep stuff in and prevent breaking and entering. Two secure doorways plus peristalsis keep contents moving in one direction down this one-way street. You know what happens when you drive down a one-way street the wrong way too often? Accidents and damage.
I’m buying stock in Kimberly-Clark, the maker of Depends adult diapers. By the time this lucky 40% reaches their 60′s I’ll be rolling in the dough.
Well, horses do anal, for one. When you breed them, you need a guy guiding to make sure it goes in the right hole. I don`t think much research has been done about anal sex in the animal world, but your response, exit, reminds me of what people used to say about homosexuality. Remember when supposedly only humans did that? Well, two decades and a lot of research later, we find there are some 500 species (and counting) that engage in homosexual activity. I`d be willing to bet the same is true for anal.
I`d also be willing to bet that Kimberly-Clark ain`t going to be around in 30 years, but that anal sex still will.
Btw, also presume that you`re against ORAL sex…?
Thank you for making my point. Horse breeders guide the penis away from the anus to prevent damaging valuable mares. We could learn a thing or two from a good ranch hand.
And to that guy who thinks a vagina is analogous to an anus- were you asleep in the back row in 5th grade the day the school nurse explained how mommy and daddy created your little sister? Let me go over it again: Anus = not for babies; vagina = for babies.
If pregnancy is a disease, what does that say about babies? Oh yeah, and no one ever got an STD through anal sex.
Stallions are also notorious for their lack of self-control, exit, which is what may infact damage the anus.
Plus, stallions don’t even deliberately put it in the anus. It’s a hole to them.
“Btw, also presume that you`re against ORAL sex…?”
No, Dr., he’s just as bitter about not getting that as he is about not getting the anal. I don’t see many animals giving themselves or each other handjobs, for that matter — what with so many of them not having hands and all — but my guess is he’s a very ardent and adept self-practitioner of that sexual act.
Obviously, it’s not that he’s only against sex that nobody wants to share with him, it’s that he’s right and thousands of years of human history — as well as common sense and scientific fact — is wrong.
Dolphins do anal, so do dogs and pigs and bonobos and…
I…I just…wow.
So if I don’t “explore” by taking a dildo in the ass I could be considered homophobic? This is flat out crazy. I just don’t want anything up my butt. It’s pretty simple. I know many women who feel the same way. Are they homophobic if they don’t try anal?
It’s amazing to me that you’d claim someone’s personal sexual preferences could possibly make them unintentional bigots. This one was a real head-scratcher.
“So if I don’t “explore” by taking a dildo in the ass I could be considered homophobic?”
Yes, exactly. And there are other ways of detecting homophobia.
George Will wrote a column back in 1994 which mentioned Cornell’s training for its resident advisers:
“At a Cornell training session for resident advisers, an X-rated homosexual movie was shown and pictures were taken of the advisers’ reactions, to detect homophobic squeamishness.”
http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/1994/11/13/a-kind-of-compulsory-chapel.html
If someone is squeamish about a man and a woman in a porn video, does that make them heterophobic?
By your logic, it would follow that male homosexual who has no desire for bsgpnal sex or lesbian who has no interest in sex with a man are both heterophobic. Breathtaking logic.
You understand that I am mocking Cornell and its whole standard of what constituted homophobia? Right?
Didn’t realize. Yeah, it’s wacko to n-th degree.
Maybe. Maybe not. My guess is that people who are screening other people for homophobia do not care about “heterophobia.” And at universities, I would guess that some academics advocate for “heterophobia,” particularly in the women’s studies departments.
“And at universities, I would guess that some academics advocate for “heterophobia,” particularly in the women’s studies departments.”
Male heterophpbia is common and acceptable in Women’s Studies, for a fact.
1994 was the heydey of political correctness taken to absurd extremes. I remember those days well – I was in grad school in the early 1990′s. I don’t think your story implies anything other that some early ’90′s crazy idea.
It implies that some egalitarians believe that if somebody is not personally accepting or enthusiastic about certain sexual acts, then that person is possibly homophobic or otherwise prejudiced, and should be reformed. That line of thought seems to have survived into postings like these.
Men should stop being so prude and leave their inhibitions behind. I guarantee you, once you try pegging, you’ll end up begging for more and more.
That’s likely just a projection Maria, you tried anal and beg for more and more, but not all women that have tried anal beg for more and more like you do, the same goes for men.
Right on, Maria. I’m a straight man and pegging appeals immensely to me. People who don’t like anal should just not have anal, and stop stereotyping those who do.
Wow, people need to take a breath, drop the defensiveness, and realise that this is not a recruiting pamphlet for the anal brigade. The writer is merely pointing out that many men are uncomfortable exploring parts of their body sexually (parts I’ve been exploring sensibly for years with no incontinence or STDs thank you very much) because of ingrained social attitudes they’ve grown up with.
Anal sex increases the risk of anal cancer. Anal sex does increase the risk of incontenence. Anal sex increases the risk of STDs. The anus is where the body expels feces. These are all rational reasons to be uncomfortable with that activity. None of that has anything to do “ingrained social attitudes.”
Anal sex increases the risk of anal cancer the same way vaginal sex increases the risk of cancer in that area… increased likelihood of transmission of HPV. That’s a virus, something you catch from people, not dildos.
“Wow, people need to take a breath, drop the defensiveness, and realise that this is not a recruiting pamphlet for the anal brigade.”
It does not help that “GAY PORN NEWS” is one of the trackbacks for this article.
“It does not help”.
I got the sense that there was more to your objections than health.
Marko was trying to assure persons that this post was not a “recruiting pamphlet for the anal brigade.” The trackback from “queermenow.net” does not help that assurance.
Yeah, reassurance was given and a link to a gay site “didn’t help” with the assurance, which implies there is some fear and insecurity there.
The initial objections were for heath reasons, but now there are references to fear of being recruited into homosexuality, which makes more sense and explains the strong reaction earlier.
“Yeah, reassurance was given and a link to a gay site “didn’t help” with the assurance, which implies there is some fear and insecurity there.”
If fear and insecurity are the problem, then there should be no reassurances given to assuage those fears and insecurities. But so long as someone decided to issue them, they happened to appear kind of ironic given the trackback.
You make no sense. How is it ironic that a gay site linked to an article about male sexuality, and how does it relate to my point that the writer is not trying to suggest that men are faulty or homophobic if they’re not having anal sex? Do you dispute the contention that a significant number of men are uncomfortable about the idea because they grow up being told it’s wrong? For someone with such a negative attitude about it, you sure are trolling this thread about anal sex a lot. This lad doth protest too much I think.
Quite sure those same men are uncomfortable about the idea of kissing another man as well.
“This lad doth protest too much I think.”
I see the same thing. If you fear “recruitment” you have to be gay, bi or insure in the first place after all, straight men cannot be “recruited”.
Does that mean that I can’t criticize the “Recruitment Campaign”?
…Catch 22 anyone?
“straight men cannot be “recruited””
Of course not. That is, they cannot be “recruited” in the sense that their innate orientation would be changed. But lots of people can be compelled to engage in sexual activity that they do not like because of social pressure and factors. Lots of homosexual people engaged in heterosexual activity because of social pressure and social factors, even though they did not find it sexually appealing.
“How is it ironic that a gay site linked to an article about male sexuality, and how does it relate to my point that the writer is not trying to suggest that men are faulty or homophobic if they’re not having anal sex?”
The site link is “ironic” when juxtaposed to your comment about the post not being a “recruitment pamphlet for the anal brigade.” I do not think the post is any kind of “recruitment pamphlet.” But since you decided to make some kind of condescending reassurance to people who have those fears, I pointed out that the trackback link would probably drown out your disclaimer, since it might suggest that homosexuals are interested and enthusiastic about the idea of heterosexual males being initiated into anal sex.
“the writer is not trying to suggest that men are faulty or homophobic if they’re not having anal sex”
The writer seems to precisely suggest that men are “faulty or homophobic” for not trying certain sex acts. And you seem to be suggesting that too, when you say that male persons will not engage in anal sex “because of ingrained social attitudes they’ve grown up with.” Do not these “ingrained social attitudes” constitute some kind of homophobia or heterosexism? And if a person adheres to those “social attitudes,” doesn’t that make them “homophobic”? The writer and lots of posters suggest that homophobia is probably the primary reason for male persons not engaging in anal sex and that any other objections to anal sex are probably false or pretextual. So since men who do not want to try anal sex are probably adhering to homophobia, and since homophobia is bad, then men who do not want to engage in anal sex are probably bad.
“Do you dispute the contention that a significant number of men are uncomfortable about the idea because they grow up being told it’s wrong?”
No, not at all. What I dispute is that people have any obligation to purge their discomfort or reform themselves.
“For someone with such a negative attitude about it, you sure are trolling this thread about anal sex a lot. This lad doth protest too much I think.”
For someone with such a positive, non-conflicted attitude about it, you sure do get agitated and personal when people do not share your enthusiasm.
I’m not agitated, but I do dislike being misrepresented, especially by homophobes. Again, your statement has no logic. Again, there is no ironic link between a gay site linking to an article on male sexuality and my point that the writer is not trying to suggest men should indulge in anal or they’re ‘wrong’. What you are dancing around is the fact that you yourself believe it’s wrong and unmanly. You’re entitled to your opinion, but that’s all it is – a homophobic opinion based in prejudice more than in fact or experience. You do know that studies have found that many homophobic men show signs of arousal when shown same-sex activity, don’t you? Secure, straight men usually don’t care what others do in the bedroom. I’m getting a definite sense of which kind of man you are.
“I’m not agitated, but I do dislike being misrepresented, especially by homophobes. Again, your statement has no logic. Again, there is no ironic link between a gay site linking to an article on male sexuality and my point that the writer is not trying to suggest men should indulge in anal or they’re ‘wrong’.”
How are you being misrepresented? Prefacing your statements with “again” does not make them or the prior statements correct. The irony is not between the trackback link and your desperate insistence that the author is not being judgmental. The “ironic link” was between your facetious remark about how this was not a “recruitment pamphlet for the anal brigade” and the appearance of the pornographic trackback link. You decided to condescend to the panicking homophobic readers in the first place, to correct their misperceptions, so I decided to point out their possible perceptions of the collateral links.
“What you are dancing around is the fact that you yourself believe it’s wrong and unmanly.”
Does your sexual enlightenment also bless you with telepathy? I’m not much interested in complying with traditional standards of “manliness.” And I don’t think anal sex is morally “wrong” or “unmanly.” I just find it unappealing, and I have not been dancing around that opinion.
“You’re entitled to your opinion, but that’s all it is – a homophobic opinion based in prejudice more than in fact or experience.”
Alright, then. And according to you and the author, lots of male persons adhere to this homophobic opinion and that is supposedly the predominant reason why they will not engage in anal sex. They are adhering to “a homophobic opinion based in prejudice.” How does that reconcile with your contention that “the writer is not trying to suggest that men are faulty or homophobic if they’re not having anal sex.” You and the author seem to think that homophobia and prejudice are bad. So if the most likely reason that male persons are not engaging in anal sex is because of their adherence to “a homophobic opinion based in prejudice,” doesn’t that make those persons bad?
“You do know that studies have found that many homophobic men show signs of arousal when shown same-sex activity, don’t you?”
No, but I’ll take your word for it. If that’s the case, then lots of homophobic violence must be the fault of male homosexuals. But that’s not the important implication. Since homophobia is supposedly the reason that most men do not want to engage in anal sex, that means that men who do not want to engage in anal sex are not only homophobic. They are also latently homosexual! So that means that the only male persons who could possibly be secure heterosexuals are the ones who have no problem being anally penetrated! Of course! Why didn’t we realize this before?!
“Secure, straight men usually don’t care what others do in the bedroom.”
And secure homosexual men usually don’t care if others are grossed out at their sexual practices. You are playing a game in which you accuse people of having regressive and prejudiced taboos if they are not enthusiastic or approving about certain sexual acts and then you exhort them to reform their predilections. If they do not agree with you, you flip around and accuse them of being insecure.
I don’t care. This article brought up the topic of sodomy, arguing that certain sexual inhibitions are a reflection of homophobia and prejudice and should be reformed. Lots of people who do not “care what others do in the bedroom” take umbrage at that contention and do not think they must reform themselves.
“I’m getting a definite sense of which kind of man you are.”
Of course you’re not agitated. You can just smell the evil in people. Are you descended from Witchsmeller Pursuivant?
And the penny drops. I finally understand the ‘irony’ you speak of. The problem is, the trackback link is only ‘ironic’ if, like you (and various other conservative activists), one perceives gay men as “interested and enthusiastic about the idea of heterosexual males being initiated into anal sex”, ie., as the predatory ‘recruiters’ many a homophobe has tried to portray them as being. Such esteemed company you position yourself with, bigot.
“I finally understand the ‘irony’ you speak of.”
You see. The third time is the charm.
“The problem is, the trackback link is only ‘ironic’ if, like you (and various other conservative activists), one perceives gay men as “interested and enthusiastic about the idea of heterosexual males being initiated into anal sex”, ie., as the predatory ‘recruiters’ many a homophobe has tried to portray them as being.”
Just because one can imagine or foresee the views of paranoid persons does not necessarily mean that one shares those views. You anticipated that certain readers might perceive this article as a “recruitment pamphlet,” and so you gave your facetious reassurance. Does that mean that you actually think this article is a “recruitment pamphlet”? I anticipated that such hypothetical readers you addressed might panic at the sight of the trackback link, if they were alarmed enough to see “recruiting” in the original article.
Observing that some homosexual males may be “interested and enthusiastic about the idea of heterosexual males being initiated into anal sex” does not necessarily mean viewing them as “predatory ‘recruiters.’” Some male homosexuals clearly are “interested and enthusiastic” about the idea of men being initiated into anal sex. Dan Savage has a whole lobbying campaign for heterosexual couples to try “pegging.” I doubt he wants to go “recruiting,” but he clearly has some kind of interest in what heterosexual couples do and don’t do in the bedroom.
“Such esteemed company you position yourself with, bigot.”
Of course you’re not agitated.
I must admit I’m starting to get agitated, mostly because this thread is turning me into a worse ‘gotta have the last word’ troll than you two. Why do you, and the non-homophobic men you speak for, find the thought of anal sex “unnappealing”? If you think men should feel no need to “purge” themselves of the discomfort they have around anal sex, having been told it’s wrong since childhood, then you must think that discomfort justifiable or reasonable. How so? If all the social conditioning we’re subjected to telling us anal sex is dirty, unnatural and unmanly is not based in homophobia, then what is it based in?
“I must admit I’m starting to get agitated, mostly because this thread is turning me into a worse ‘gotta have the last word’ troll than you two.”
If you think “gotta have the last word” is a stupid game, nobody said you had to play.
“Why do you, and the non-homophobic men you speak for, find the thought of anal sex “unnappealing”?”
Some of the other posters listed other reasons. Some described the act as akin to feeling terribly constipated. The description is enough to deter some people from finding out for themselves. Excretion is one of the last remaining taboos, and lots of people, male and female, do not like the idea of using an excretory orifice for sexual gratification. That may be irrational or unfounded, but I do not think they have a duty to purge those taboos to perfect themselves. Some people won’t have sex with the lights on.
“If you think men should feel no need to “purge” themselves of the discomfort they have around anal sex, having been told it’s wrong since childhood, then you must think that discomfort justifiable or reasonable. How so?”
No. Just because I think a person has no need to purge himself of a discomfort, it does not follow that I “must think that discomfort justifiable or reasonable.” I think lots of practices, taboos and beliefs are not “justifiable or reasonable” like saying “God Bless You” after sneezing, or carrying lucky rabbits’ feet or being devoutly religious. That does mean people have a moral obligation to stop doing those things. Sexual predilections and inhibitions are supposed to be intimate aspects of a person, and I think telling them that they must reform or change those aspects to avoid being regressive and prejudiced is problematic.
“If all the social conditioning we’re subjected to telling us anal sex is dirty, unnatural and unmanly is not based in homophobia, then what is it based in?”
Even if all the taboos and revulsions against anal sex are 100% based on homophobia, I do not think a person has any obligation to reform or change those sexual inhibitions, certainly not for the sake of equality or purging inculcated homophobia. Lots of prejudices or retrograde sentiment factor into sexual conduct. Most people fraternize and copulate with people of their own race and marry people of their own race. Does racism have something to do with that? Probably. But that does not mean people should have a moral obligation to seek and sample sexual partners from every race in order to purge their sexual racism. Supposedly, lecturing people to control and manipulate their sexual decisions in the name of arcane morality or religion is wrong. Doing the same thing in the name of equality and inclusivity does not rank much higher.
Thanks for the answers, and I agree with a great deal of what you’ve written, but I don’t see anywhere in the article the argument that men are obliged to engage in anal sex. As you say, many sexual attitudes and practices are shaped to an extent by ‘prejudices or retrograde sentiment’, but where’s the harm in making the observation that many of the taboos around anal sex are based in misogyny and homophobia?
“I don’t see anywhere in the article the argument that men are obliged to engage in anal sex.”
The author says that the reluctance to engage in anal sex is often “the result of deeply ingrained gender stereotypes and socially-induced homophobia (yes, even in those really liberal guys who—on a conscious level—have absolutely nothing against homosexuals and loudly advocate for gay marriage)” So even if a person is intellectually in favor of equality and against heteronormativity, if they do not want to engage in anal sex, then they are probably still adhering to and perpetuating some kind of homophobia, the argument goes. And she implies that “liberal guys” who intellectually support equality but are personally disgusted by certain sex acts must be hypocrites.
Then the author says, “Not caring about other people’s sexuality is on its way to becoming the new normal, but we still have a long way to go, that’s for sure. And until we get there male homosexuality will get the brunt of the homophobia.” By “there,” I guess she means some state of equality and non-discrimination. Well, she must consider this article a stepping stone on the way “there” and she considers this aversion to anal sex on the part of men to be an obstacle to getting “there.” If the author is simply being descriptive and agnostic, then she would be saying, “Yes, your aversion to anal sex is probably because of homophobia and you perpetuate homophobia by adhering to this aversion. But that’s okay. You don’t have to do anything about it.” But more likely, her conclusion is “your aversion to anal sex is probably because of homophobia, so you should interrogate and reform your sexual preferences to combat homophobia.”
According to the author’s statistics, “less than 40% of men engage in heterosexual anal sex.” So what is the percentage of them engaging in it? Around 30%? One-third? I wonder what she considers a sufficient percentage. How prevalent does the practice have to be to placate her? Exactly 40%? 50%? 75%?
“where’s the harm in making the observation that many of the taboos around anal sex are based in misogyny and homophobia?”
No harm at all. Observe away. I think the problem arises when advocates tell people that if they don’t try to reform their sexual taboos, then they must in some way be supporting Fred Phelps.
Kudos to the pseudo-intellectuals on this comment board for proving the author’s point. I think you’re all just one evolutionary step from being gay monkeys! Maybe if you tried something before you judged, you could be as happy as these fellas! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JNhhBhSAlw&feature=related
To all you skeptical men reading this: Try it, you’ll like it. The pleasure of being pegged by a woman you love – with her finger(s) or a good toy – can be nothing less than mind-blowing. There is the prostate stimulation and there is the playing with and reversing roles: getting fucked vs. doing the fucking. It needn’t be rough and you must use proper lubricant, but the results are, in a word, memorable.
According to the “The American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons” website:
“Persons who participate in anal sex are at an increased risk of anal cancer.”
I’ve heard that anal cancer is memorable albeit not all that mind-blowing.
I think I’ll pass.
You know what else can cause cancer? Sunlight. Sunscreen. Antiperspirants. Cellphones. Talcum powder. And tobacco. Alcohol, unsafe sex of any kind. And even some of the safe kinds… If cancer is your only reason, or best reason, for not experimenting with anal sex, there’s a whole host of other things you should probably be avoiding……
These guys are hiding behind health risks, there is more to it than that, for them.
As I have said, that’s not my only reason but, the fact that it increases the odds of getting cancer simply confirms that, for me, I have absolutely made the right choice.
Cellphones: Urban legend. But, I still use a wired ear bud almost 100% of the time.
Tobacco: Never in my life have I. Not a single puff/drag.
Alcohol: Wine consumed in moderation is known to have health benefits. Still, I very seldom consume alcohol. I consume, on average, perhaps one glass of wine or can of beer every 3-6 months. (I just never developed much of a taste for alcohol)
Antiperspirants: From http://www.cancer.gov: “However, researchers at the National Cancer Institute (NCI), a part of the National Institutes of Health, are not aware of any conclusive evidence linking the use of underarm antiperspirants or deodorants and the subsequent development of breast cancer.”
Talcum powder: What the what? LOL. Don’t think I’ve ever used it and have no plans to. You are funny!
Unsafe sex: I have sex only with my beautiful wife, and she with me.
Sunscreen: Don’t use it.
Sunlight: I’m fortunate enough to have a plenty skin pigmentation, which lowers my skin cancer risk. So I have no reason to, and am not tempted to try to get a tan – unnecessarily exposing myself to direct sunlight. I get out enough to be healthy but not so much that I am overexposed. I can’t control the ozone layer but I try to protect my health.
Bottom line: I try to do my best to lead a healthy lifestyle. Avoiding risky practices such as this is part of that.
You distort the facts to support your prejudice. The risk of anal cancer associated with anal sex is almost entirely due to the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV), a sexually transmitted infection. HPV is avoidable. Thanks for telling us over and over about your ‘lovely wife’. Noone could possibly suspect you of being a closet-case who dwells too much on what others do in the bedroom, would they?
“You distort the facts to support your prejudice. The risk of anal cancer associated with anal sex is almost entirely due to the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV), a sexually transmitted infection.”
WRONG.
Every statement I make is 100% factual. I fact check before posting. Try it sometime.
From the American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons’ website regarding anal cancer.
“Anal sex – Persons who participate in anal sex are at an increased risk.”
“Avoid anal sex and infection with HPV and HIV.”
From http://www.cancer.org:
“Receptive anal intercourse also increases the risk of anal cancer in both men and women, particularly in those younger than the age of 30. Because of this, men who have sex with men have a high risk of this cancer.”
From the Mayo Clinic’s website:
“Anal sex. Men and women who engage in anal sex have an increased risk of anal cancer.”
You seem want to promote men having anal sex with whomever.
I am do promote men being good husbands, fathers, workers, neighbors, and voluneteers. That’s a heck of a lot healthier thing to promote than your defense of men taking anal sex. Good grief. I’m certain that men will be much better off listening to me than you.
And, yes, I’m proud of my family and that I have a happy, healthy marriage. That is something to be proud of. If that bothers you, too bad.
Can you not read? Check your own sources properly instead of pulling selective quotes. It’s the HPV, not the physical act of sodomy, that increases the risk of anal cancer. You’re a fool and a bigoted troll. I don’t care either way whether you’re gay, straight, happy or sad. I think you’re a sad moron and i’m hugely thankful I’m nothing like you.
“Can you not read?”
Very well, in fact.
Question: Where are your facts?
Answer: You have none.
You said: “You’re a fool and a bigoted troll.”
I quoted the Mayo Clinic and National Cancer Society and you have only called names and fought for men to take cancer causing anal sex, and attacked heterosexual men. It’s clear which one of us is the fool and bigot, and it’s not me.
“I think you’re a sad moron and i’m hugely thankful I’m nothing like you.”
I’m the happily married father of two cute little girls and you’re the creepy guy on the Internet trying to convince men to take a penis up the butt.
I can say with confidence that the sad (and creepy) one sho ain’t me.
My facts? From American Cancer Society:
Worldwide in 2002 there were an estimated 30,400 new cases of anal cancer.[2] With approximately equal fractions in the developing (15,900) and developed (14,500) countries.[2] An estimated 90% (27,400) were attributable to HPV.
From the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Centre:
Receptive anal intercourse, whether male or female, increases the chances of anal cancer sevenfold due to Human papillomavirus.
I’m not trying to convince men to do anything – you equate people saying anal sex is normal and natural with people saying ‘everyone must do it’. I first came on here to dispute some of the untruths posted by trolls such as yourself. For such a happily married hetero, you sure spend a lot of time thinking and posting about anal sex.
BTW, I’m a happily partnered parent myself. Is there anything you don’t misrepresent to support your blinkered view of the world? You’re still a fool and a bigoted troll.
Again, you have no facts. Your “facts” don’t show that anal sex increases the risk of anal cancer BECAUSE of HPV. It shows that it increases the risk even further. But, it also shows that anal sex increases the risk of transmitting the HPV virus. So, anal sex, is a loser all around, proving that it’s an unnatural act. You are the one twisting the data.
“I’m not trying to convince men to do anything – you equate people saying anal sex is normal and natural with people saying ‘everyone must do it’.”
You are trying to convince men to receive it by calling it “natural” and “normal.” It’s common but not “natural.” Things that are “natural” are healthful. They are healthy. They don’t harm your body. They don’t contribute to the risk of anal cancer. The anus’ natural purpose is to expel fecal matter, not penile penetration. You can do it if you want but the facts are the facts.
“BTW, I’m a happily partnered parent myself.”
So, do whatever you want and let heterosexuals do what they want.
“You’re still a fool and a bigoted troll.”
You are the bigot. I have not called you a name or insulted you despite your continued personal attacks. They call names. That’s what bigots do. So, you are the bigot, not men. I have been nothing but respectful.
Sorry pal, facts are facts. Do what you want but you won’t change the facts, as per the Mayo Clinic and National Cancer Society. If you want medical facts, see a medical site, such as the Mayo Clinic and National Cancer Society, as I referenced.
So I give you the facts you ask for but they’re not good enough. As I asked before, can you not read? What about “receptive anal sex increases risk of anal cancer DUE TO HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS” do you not understand? Or are facts only facts when they support your position? Following your logic, vaginal intercourse is also crazy dangerous because deadly diseases can also be transmitted that way. You are indeed a bigot because you repeatedly state that sexual practices that differ to yours are “unnatural” and “unhealthy” (can you back that up with facts?). You think that all things that are natural are healthful? What, like deadly nightshade and glycoalkaloids? You’re a moron as well as a bigot. I’m not normally a hostile person, but you are not deserving of anybody’s respect. I don’t expect to change your mind – you’re clearly very, very attached to your deluded take on life and human sexuality – but I will continue to call you out as the fool you are for as long as you continue to convince everyone that anal sex is unnatural and unhealthy.
Do you seriously want to compare vaginal sex with anal sex as being equally natural? Which one mixes fecal matter and sex? Which lubricates naturally to accommodate penetration, the vagina or the anus? Which one is most likely to transmit STD’s vaginal sex or anal sex?
From the UK’s National Health Service:
“Anal sex has a higher risk of spreading STIs than many other types of sexual activity. This is because the lining of the anus is thin and can easily be damaged, which makes it more vulnerable to infection.”
From the Canadian Public Health Service
“The receiving partner is at greatest risk of getting HIV. Because the linings of the anus and rectum are thin (thinner than the lining of the vagina), they are susceptible to tearing during intercourse. Tiny tears can allow the virus to enter the blood stream during sex. Even if the inserting partner pulls out before ejaculating, HIV can be in pre-ejaculatory fluid and can get into the rectum.”
From the NYC Dept. Of Health
“Anal membranes are easily damaged during sex, facilitating the spread of infection. Past studies suggest that anal exposure to HIV poses 30 times more risk than vaginal exposure.”
30 times greater risk. 30 times.
If anal sex is just as natural as vaginal sex, why is this case? Why no similar warnings about vaginal sex? Would love to hear your answer on that but I doubt I will.
Wikipedia explains further in its article on anal sex.
“Anal sex exposes participants to two principal dangers: infections, due to the high number of infectious microorganisms not found elsewhere on the body, and physical damage to the anus and the rectum due to their vulnerability.”
“Physical damage to the rectum and anus can manifest as generalized ano-rectal trauma, anal fissures,[12] rectal prolapse, and exacerbating hemorrhoids.”
“Anal sex carries with it a much greater risk of passing on sexually transmitted diseases than vaginal sex, as the anal sphincter is delicate tissue and the chances of a small tear occurring are much higher, which also provides more opportunity for diseases.[29][31] Condoms offer protection, but condoms are more likely to break or come off during anal sex, so this form of sex is riskier unless both parties are absolutely disease free.”
However, I stand corrected on the reason anal sex increases the risk of anal cancer. It is due to more easily contracting HPV. But, anal sex makes it more easy to contract any and all STD’s because physiologically the anus was not designed for sexual intercourse.
Hostile fools and bigots insult and call names. Intelligent, non-bigoted, respectful, rational people respectfully debate with facts. If they make a minor error, they own up to it, just as I did. Only one of us is acting like a hostile fool and bigot, and it’s not me.
Don’t distort my words. I didn’t compare vaginal & anal sex as equally natural. I said if one followed YOUR logic re anal sex and anal cancer, all sexual interaction is dangerous and unhealthy because it all potentially allows the transmission of disease. You’re like a dog with an anal bone aren’t you? Just won’t let go. I pity you.
Your entire argument that anal sex is natural is a distortion. And, I’m not the one into bones and anal. Pun intended. Pity me all you want but I’m not the one at risk of having to get fitted for a colostomy bag fighting anal cancer because of my sex practices.
You’re the one following me around. You weren’t even a part of this thread. Do us both a favor and just don’t respond.
Moron, you do realise that heterosexual (vaginal) sex is the greatest transmission vector fo HIV in the world today, don’t you? You know why I’ll never take you seriously? Because I’ve been a safe and sensible practising sodomite for decades and I’ve never been incontinent or had a disease. IN fact, on the several times I”ve been for tests, I’ve talked about my sexual practices with the doctors at the sexual health clinic and I”ve been told if more people were like me, they’d have less infections to deal with. You have absolutely no experience in the subject you seem obsessed with yet consider yourself the final authority on it. An objective reader will find you laughable.
“Moron, you do realise that heterosexual (vaginal) sex is the greatest transmission vector fo HIV in the world today, don’t you?”
Well, yes. But heterosexual vaginal sex is probably the most common kind of sexual congress. Most sexually transmitted diseases are probably transmitted that way because that is the most frequent way humans have sexual contact. That does not mean that the act itself is the most risky or the most likely to transmit disease. Suppose Sex Act A has a 10% chance of spreading disease, but 5,000 people are doing it, and Sex Act B has a 50% chance of spreading disease, but only 50 people are doing it. More people will get diseases from Sex Act A, even though the act itself has a lower chance of spreading disease, simply due to the greater number of people engaging in it.
More humans are killed by domestic dogs than are killed by great white sharks. That does not mean that dogs are more dangerous than great white sharks. This statistic is only because humans are more likely to be in proximity to domestic dogs. On average, being around a domestic dog is probably safer than being around a great white shark, even though domestic dogs kill more humans than sharks in the aggregate.
People of character who have intelligent, rational arguments don’t stoop to name calling.
From the Wikipedia “Safe Sex” article:
“Anal sex is a higher risk activity than vaginal intercourse because the thin tissues of the anus and rectum can be easily damaged.”
“Anal sex carries with it a much greater risk of passing on sexually transmitted diseases than vaginal sex, as the anal sphincter is delicate tissue and the chances of a small tear occurring are much higher, which also provides more opportunity for diseases.”
“The risk of injury to the receptive partner due to anal intercourse is many times higher than that due to vaginal sex.[36] Also, the risk for transmission of HIV is higher for anal sex than for vaginal sex.”
You said: “Because I’ve been a safe and sensible practising sodomite for decades. . .”
What a surprise.
“. You have absolutely no experience in the subject you seem obsessed with yet consider yourself the final authority on it.”
Nor do I have personal experience smoking or using illegal drugs. But, I can read what actual medical authorities who study the risks and dangers have to say. I’ll go with the actual experts.
Nor have I ever needed to be tested for an STD.
Eric, you seem to be deliberately missing or distorting my point, which is that any unsafe sex carries the kinds of risks you only attribute to anal sex. Megaladon makes some very sound points (in fact, I’m starting to find his intelligence a little intimidating) but do you know what you are, Eric? You’re a homophobe who’s obsessed with anal sex, which makes you one of the more pitiful creatures to walk this earth.
And as I said, Eric, I don’t care who does or doesn’t choose to engage in buttsex. That’s every individual’s choice and none of my business. What I object to is uninformed ideologues like you spreading fear based on misinformation and telling other people what they should and shouldn’t do in the bedroom. Sodomy has existed for as long as human society has. It’s been recorded in numerous cultures and civilisations from the dawn of history, and the world hasn’t stopped turning yet. You’re a self-righteous fool who thinks that your values are the only right values. You deserve to be called every name I can think of and more, not for being an idiot but because you’re obsessed with condemning others who don’t live as you do.
“The risk of injury to the receptive partner due to anal intercourse is many times higher than that due to vaginal sex.[36] Also, the risk for transmission of HIV is higher for anal sex than for vaginal sex.”
YOU FABRICATED THIS QUOTE, ERIC M.
It’s appears nowhere on the Wikipedia Safe Sex article. You’ve been caught out twice now spouting misinformation as fact. You’ve shown what kind of a person you are – a lying homophobe obsessed with anal sex. Keep telling us it’s bad, bad, bad, Eric, and I’ll keep showing you for the lying buffoon you are.
That quote is from apparently your favorite section, the anal sex article.
I am quoting medical experts; you are a pushing some heterophobic agenda, indicating that vaginal sex is anywhere near as risky as anal sex. The two aren’t comparable at all.
You are lying and intentionally putting people’s lives at risk by claiming that anal and vaginal sex even close in terms of risk.
From the NYC Health Dept.:
“Studies have also shown that women who have unprotected anal sex with an HIV-infected man even one time are about 30 times more likely to get HIV than if they had unprotected vaginal sex once.”
Which means that anal sex carries a 3000% higher risk of STD tranmission than vaginal sex – for men or women. Of course it does. The anus is for expelling feces.
Do what you want but it’s wrong to intentionally put other people’s lives in jeopardy pushing your dishonest heterophobic agenda.
You’re a liar with zero credibility, Eric. You’re a lying homophobe who’s obsessed with anal sex. You won’t rest until you’ve told everyone over and over that anal sex is bad, bad, bad until they promise never, ever to do it, and to only engage in the sexual practices Eric thinks are right and proper. You don’t even see how ridiculous you’ve become, troll.
The quote is NOWHERE in the Wikipedia article on Safe Sex. You’re a liar and an idiot (Wiki is easy to check fool).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_sex
I’m not your pal, Eric, and I’ve already pointed out the holes in your ‘facts’, namely that the increase in the risk of anal cancer you attribute to anal sex is actually caused by Human Papilloma Virus. Anal sex without HPV will not significantly increase your risk of anal cancer. I’d find it amusing that you – the loudest, proudest member of the anti-anal troupe – are still trolling this thread about dudes and dildoes if you weren’t such a sneaky, malicious liar. I’ve already busted you misquoting and spouting your grubby-minded conjecture as fact and I’ll keep on doing it as long as you haunt this thread with your scaremongering bullshit. You’re still a liar and a troll, Eric – go obsess about dudes having anal sex some more.
I would like to point out that it’s not just men’s attitudes that go into play, but their partners as well. How many women are just wishing for their husbands to lighten up so they can finally peg them? Probably not a lot. I’m in a hetero marriage, but it’s complicated by the fact that I’m also attracted to men. My wife knows this and is threatened by that fact. This dynamic hinders both of us from engaging in anal play (on my anus, anyway). While we may be a special case, I can imagine that similar ideas affect more “typical” hetero marriages in a similar way. There may be straight men interested in anal play who feel unable to request it b/c of their partner’s homophobia.
BTW to clarify, I’m not arguing with the post, just trying to extend it beyond a simple case of male homophobia. Women play just as much of a role in that dynamic as men do.
I am disgusted by the disregard people have for one another. This thread turned into a public display of insult and injury. A lot of healthy, straight men enjoy some anal stimulation. Some healthy straight men enjoy having their asses fucked vigorously. The same is true of straight women, and lesbians, and gay men. Not everyone likes anal sex. But, a lot of people do. Doing it right is quite safe. But, using a steak knife as a fork is bad practice, and forcing anal sex on a partner that is not interested or ill-prepared is bad practice. Anal cancer? Sure, there is, on average, an increased risk of anal cancer for those who engage in anal sex. But, using petroleum jelly, anywhere, increases the risk of cancer. Using a water-based jelly as a lubricant is safe. There are other potential causes for the increased risk, but some people enjoy taking risks. Let them enjoy it. Eric M probably doesn’t drive fast, or ride a motorcycle, or smoke pot, or go downhill racing on his mountain bike. But, all of these things exist because a lot of us think they are fun.
Take a chill-pill Eric M. I don’t care if you ever try a mini-butt plug, or secretly shove your fist up your ass.
Do what you want, and keep it to yourself. But, try to let people have a good time, however they want, without insulting them or making them feel like freaks. If anything, you are the freak for knowing so much about anal sex, never having tried it at all.
Right on, Clay!
My boyfriend and I love anal sex, giving and receiving both. We use a nice vegan anal lube and wear gloves. We haven’t worked our way up to penile/strap-on dildo penetration though that is our goal. When we do we will use condoms however. One thing that I like about it is that it allows both of us to experience the act of penetrating/being penetrated so the experience is something we can both relate to a more similar way. I love oral and vaginal (I’m a woman) as well and I don’t think I’d want to have to pick one over the others. (Besides, with oral you have all those tasty flavored lubes…what’s not to like about a pink-lemonade flavored penis?) I was a little squeamish before I first tried anal, but my boyfriend and I did as much research on it as we could in order to make it as safe and comfortable as possible. When we did try it I found it an experience like nothing else and I can’t imagine that I’d ever want to live without it.
Hi, just wanted to say, I enjoyed this post. It was practical.
Keep on posting!
ok my take. I have tryed anal both active and passive (no Im not gay, and no im not homophobic either), and sadly it wasent for me. But the majority of guys I spoke to is quite open for the experience. Contrary to a large number of women, who are not intersted or disliked it.
About culture, well yes I do agree in femmephobia and homophobia. But I dont think its always the case and I dont think they hould be used as universal concepts to describe the unvillignes of some people to go anal or adding some tradtional or common modern feminine habits.
I’ve always said that every man should try it. Perhaps more women would like to give it to their partners than they admit
I am 42 years old married man who never liked guys but only girls and women. Still, I practiced anal masturbation in some periods of my life. I started 15 yo and in following years, when I was without girlfriend I was returning to that old habit but not without enormous guilt. I thought I was gay but and was ready to accept it if only I didn’t realize I don’t like other guys – I was not able to fall in love with them, I didn’t like their bodies and simply, the idea of having sex with them was disgusting. For me, they were just dudes. Contrary to that, I was falling in love with girls, loved them very much, their faces, eyes, bodies… Why did I love anal masturbation then? Simply because it was pleasant activity for me and good help for normal masturbation. I gave myself a chance to become a gay when I was young and it never happened. I simply continue to having sex with girls and now my wife sometimes gives me some anal pleasure with dildo. I can live without it though but still I can enjoy it. I am very much sure that man receiving anal sex from woman is not gay! Gay likes other guys, their bodies, look, talk etc.