A guy wonders why his girlfriend is so hesitant to give him oral, and Eli and Josie think the answer may lie with him.
Dear Sexes: How do I get my girlfriend to give me more oral sex (right now it’s quite a rarity)? It’s been so long, I forget what it feels like.
P.S. My girlfriend doesn’t like oral performed on her (no matter how willing I am), so I can’t really use that as a bargaining chip.
P.P.S. She says it’s not me. It’s that she’s self-conscious of her own odors.
She Said: There are two questions happening here, and they are actually the two questions my guy friends ask the most (usually after a few beers!). So I’m going to really devote some time here…
As far as getting more BJs, if you’ve already asked why she doesn’t do it and all she said was something vague (as opposed to, “I have TMJ” or “I have a sensitive gag relfex“), then it’s probably about you. Sorry, sometimes the truth hurts.
I’m guessing this woman has a really sensitive nose. Just like girls have a pheromonal odor down there, so do you boys. First, you need to trim it up. Keep the hair short, but not stubbly (ouch!). Then get yourself a really good soap. Go get something for men, something strong! Dove for Men is great, and cheap. Get serious. Wash it well, the whole area, the whole block and tackle. Behind, under, between. Scrub! Then dry it well and keep it dry. Change out of your gym shorts and shower ASAP, then put on clean boxers—every morning and every night! Yes, two pairs a day, if you’re sleeping in them!
If it’s not about the scent, then maybe you’re doing something obnoxious like holding her head while she’s down there or thrusting. Please don’t thrust! We don’t want to be gagged.
Ultimately, you guys both have to be satisfied. A sex life without some oral isn’t going to work for everyone, so be honest and try to make her feel like you’re willing to really hear her, and not judge her or get defensive. You might also reassure her that she doesn’t have to take you to completion for it to be satisfying.
Now, on to her issues with oral. Us females often insecure about our privates because we really don’t understand them! We have these mysterious parts that are all foldy and warm. We grow up seeing penises in art and sculpture, so they seem “normal” – but the vagina is this hidden, secretive, scary place. We’re taught that our “down there” is dirty from when we’re quite small, and it’s hard to get past that bad mojo.
So ladies, the responsibility is mostly upon us to get past our hang-ups. And it’s well worth it!
Almost every guy I know LOVES the way we smell down there. I’m about to drop a bomb on you – Get ready!! When they’re done touching us, do you know what they do when they think we’re not looking? They smell their fingers! Sorry if this grosses you out, but if you think about it, it’s quite liberating. They love tasting us lightly on their breath when the sex is over. As long as you’re showering daily and don’t have an infection, those pheromones are designed by evolution to turn guys on. It’s actually quite awesome.
Guys: tell your girls how sweet they taste, how perfect they smell, how much the mere thought of her scent and taste drive you to distraction. You may wonder why “I like the way you smell” isn’t enough? Because she won’t believe you unless you’re specific.
Obviously, no one is going to smell good all the time. So we must all be diligent about keeping ourselves clean. And respect her when she says she thinks she’s stinky (maybe she was at the gym or wearing wool pants).
And like I said about needs, be honest. If going down on her is one of your major sexual needs (girls, these men DO exist!), you gotta be honest.
Worse comes to worse, oral is better in the shower for both sexes. Then she can know she’s clean and clean you up first, if that’s the issue. Plus, we’re less insecure about all the slobbery business that goes along with oral sex if we’re already all… umm… wet.
He Said: Cleanliness is godliness. Head for the showers! Make sure you’re manicured, make sure you’re clean. Congratulations! Your chances at oral sex have just sky-rocketed.
Now, if you swear you can’t use performing oral on your girlfriend as a bargaining chip for getting some yourself (though I’m skeptical about the validity of that statement), then you best step your game up when it comes to the intercourse.
Practice some new moves, perfect some old ones. And remember, SETTING the mood can sometimes go a long away to getting women IN the mood.
So don’t be afraid of candles, oils, and other romantic props. It’s not so much about the props as it is about making the woman feeling taken care of.
If she feels like you’ve taken care of her needs, perhaps she’ll feel inspired to really “take care of you”, wink, wink! If your miniature man is still left in the lurch, head back to the shower, and rescrub, perhaps you missed a spot, wink, wink! But seriously, rescrub!!!
If you have a question for Josie and Eli, ask it here.
Originally appeared at SheSaidHeSaid.