Some mild private lusting is not only OK, but purely human, writes Trent Kays.
Recently, I travelled to Montreal for an academic conference on business and professional writing. The conference was a resounding success, and I loved Montreal, a beautiful city where you can hear the languages of French and English mingling like two lovers. However, though they were both delightful, the most memorable thing from my trip wasn’t the conference or city.
The most memorable moments from my trip were the flights. It was my first time flying Air Canada, and I didn’t know what to expect. They were wonderful—smooth, comfortable, accommodating, good seats, and a lot of legroom, something really tall people are always concerned with. And I’ve never had so many people smile at me before. But that’s not why I loved the flights.
I loved them because of the flight attendants. Now, I’ve always had a thing for flight attendants. I don’t know why. And my proclivity for them is independent of gender or sexual identity. It’s bizarre. But it’s such a strong force.
I used to be ashamed to say that flight attendants turn me on because our society often shuns overt statements of physical attraction, lest they be interpreted as objectification. I don’t think I’ve ever objectified men or women, but when I’m on an airplane and an attendant walks by in his or her snappy uniform, I feel my nether regions squirm. My mind becomes awash in sexual attraction and my flirtiest behavior.
Like I said, it doesn’t matter if the attendant is male or female. I’m bisexual—no, pansexual—for anyone locked with me in a giant aluminum tube, rocketing across the sky at 600 miles per hour, who pushes a rickety cart down the aisle, bending over so that the pants fabric across their ass tightens. I mean, so that 14D gets her pretzels.
I don’t understand it exactly. Perhaps I have a thing for authority figures or uniforms. No, that can’t be it, because I never feel lustful toward uniformed people in any other environment. That’s partly why it’s so odd. All I know is that, whatever it is, I love it.
I fight this attraction every time I fly, but I often can’t help myself. The prude in me says to calm down, while the lustful creature in me cheers the attraction on. These battling identities may certainly find their parallel in modern society. That I would relish the opportunity to join the mile-high club with any of these attendants? Perhaps not as much.
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The kinks that make up my sexual habits are vast and far-reaching. I am guilty of lust in my heart, but who isn’t? I think it’s important to strive for equality, work to end objectification, of all genders and sexes, and help foster an enlightened equality for all. But we shouldn’t forget that humans are sexual beings. It’s in our nature to pursue pleasure, and I’m all for it. Our time on this planet is short, so why shouldn’t consenting adults enjoy themselves?
You may find my sexual liberalness somewhat shocking, but it’s true. I’m not ashamed to say that I enjoy pleasure of all types, from the sexual to the intellectual. My penchant for flight attendants is one thing I’ve often struggled with because those in that line of work have often encountered drunken businessmen and women pinching their asses and treating them as objects. But, I am not one of those people. I most certainly wouldn’t walk up to a flight attendant and say, “Hey, could I have some orange juice, and some sex?” But I can’t deny the lust I feel growing in my heart and running through my body, straight to my groin.
Even in the 21st century, the broader image of men as pigs still persists. You may think I’m a pig after reading this brief glimpse into my life. The truth is, I’m not a pig; I’m human. I have sexual urges, many of which I’ve spent my life ignoring or being ashamed of because I felt like I wasn’t doing my society well thinking about those things. I felt like I wasn’t as progressive as I could be or that by having this kind of attraction I was objectifying men and women without even knowing. However, these are just not the case. I’m not objectifying flight attendants by being lustful for them; I’m celebrating them. I’m celebrating what makes them who they are. They are humans and sexual beings who live, work, and yearn just like all other humans, including me.
I’ve never acted on my lust because I think that would cross the line. Instead, I play scenarios out in my head like imagined pornography, and when the plane lands and I make my way toward the door, I smile and say to the flight attendants, “Thank you for a lovely flight.” It’s polite, but it’s true, because they make every flight lovely. When I fly, I can simply close my eyes, rest my head, and be a purely lustful creature, and there’s nothing wrong with it.
Life is short and pleasure is great. Embrace the lust in your heart and the hedonism at your fingertips every so often, and I think we’ll all be better for it.
—Photo alexindigo/Flickr
About Trent M Kays
What a wonderful piece Trent. Love it, really. I am jealous that your bisexuality broadens the object of your lust (I am straight but there are certainly guys I can see as “hot” but that is a whole ‘nother topic). I definitely see what you mean about flight attendants. I also think there is a difference, as you point out, between seeing beauty and acting inappropriately. One does not necessarily lead to the other. But squashing our normal human instincts and feelings my very well lead to inappropriate behavior down the road. Embracing our innermost yearnings is the path to happiness. Why the hell not?
Thanks, Tom. The truly bizarre thing about this experience is that 99.99% of the time I prefer the company of men. Anywhere outside an airplane, I am gay. Yet, there’s something that just plays with my mind when I enter an airplane, and I don’t know what it is. This experience seems to be my .01% of something.
It truly is a pansexual experience for me.
Good for you, Trent. There’s nothing wrong with both feeling and acknowledging sexual attraction, or even outright lust. Nor is it anything to feel guilty over or apologize for.
Thanks for the comment, Copyleft. I appreciate it.
Mmmmm… fly candy.
Exactly, Marcus. Exactly.
I imagine it may be linked to my own personal type of persuasion… the forbidden fruit! They are seemingly unattainable, as they are working in a very attention-necessary environment, in a limited enclosure, with very little room for privacy. I don’t know, but that would be enough to arouse me!
I imagine those may be my issues as well, Gordon. I think it may be some sort of exhibitionism coupled with authority-type figures, which drives me wild. I don’t know. It’s always something to reflect on for me.
Don’t let women tell you they’re different. Individuals may vary, but humans (male and female) all have filthy, lusty, wonderful hearts. I once lead a mommy-and-me group through a church (yes, me!) and we took all the moms (and a few dads) to the fire station as a field trip. These ladies were all atwitter over the firefighters and one actually said, “do we get to see the showers?” and they all snickered. Swear.
It’s so human, in fact, that even when I was in a major car accident when I was five months pregnant with my second baby, being strapped to one of those back boards and put in an ambulance with my two year old being held by a paramedic, I was checking out the paramedic who was checking my belly for contractions. Does it mean I don’t adore my husband? Nope. And I wasn’t going to ask the paramedic for his number, either.
Once I told that story to a group of moms who all know me as the most shameless woman on the planet, and a very churchy, proper, sweet mom told the story of when her child was rushed in an ambulance to the hospital after an accident. This mom was crying hysterically, but still happened to notice the hotness of the firefighter driving the paramedic unit.
Maybe it’s escapism, our brains trying to help us cope with fear. Or maybe it’s just that to most straight women firefighters are hot as shit, and to most straight men flight attendants are sexy. Either way, say it loud, say it proud, humans are horny.
Wonderful comment, JF. Great story, and I totally agree with you. I think it’s human to be horny and to lust after that which we cannot have. It doesn’t matter which sex or gender you identify as: we’re all horny at times, and we all just gotta have it!
I loved this comment. Thanks again.
I like your article, it is kind of sweet, but I just have to comment that being listed over doesn’t always feel lie a “celebration.” When I was an attractive young woman, I worked in a lot of offices as a temp. There were always guys, from the security guards to the vice presidents, who liked to come over and check out the new girl in the office. Some of them were professionally friendly, some of them ogled me, some made inappropriate remarks, some lurked around my desk, some hit on me, some asked me out for drinks. This was in the late 1980′s-early 1990′s before people got really scared of sexual harassment lawsuits. Let me be clear, I don’t think I was ever egregiously sexually harassed. Just lusted after, mostly in a respectful way. I could tell when a guy was attracted to me. I was not a hot chick, but I was young and that goes a long way. All in all, the attention made me feel uncomfortable and awkward. I felt like I was there to get my job done, not to be the object of lust from random guys. I wasn’t there for their entertainment. So, I’m not sure it is fair to say that you are not objectifying another person when you lust after them (especially when they are just trying to do their job), or that you are celebrating them as a whole person — I don’t think that’s necessarily true. I did not feel like I was being celebrated, I just felt embarrassed. That said, I don’t think it is “bad” to feel lust, but the person you are lusting after may not appreciate being your fantasy object. Just keep that in mind.
Thanks for your comment, Jill. I appreciate your perspective, and I feel like it’s absolutely necessary to keep in mind. I like your example, but I think my form of lust is far different from the type you experienced. Mild and private lusting is perfectly acceptable. Overt lust, which can border on sexual harassment, most certainly is problematic because it can feel like one person is forcing their attraction onto someone else. However, covert or silent and personal lust for another human should not only be acceptable, but it’s unavoidable.
Women and men have overtly lusted after me before. It’s an interesting feeling, and there were times I didn’t appreciate it. When I didn’t appreciate it or it was too much for me to handle, I said something directly to the person. The first and most important issue is respect. I consider my mild, covert, and personal lusting a celebration of humanity. I’m celebrating someone’s mind, body, and aura. I’m celebrating what makes them human and unique.
I still don’t think I was objectifying them, though I knew some might see it differently. I think objectification signifies disrespect, and I go out of my way to be respectful to flight attendants because their job, like many, is not an easy one.
So, I appreciate your comment and perspective, Jill; however, I do disagree with some of it.
Trent, I love this article! As a (male) flight attendant comming off of a heinous three day rocket trip back-and-forth across the States… you made me smile. You are welcome aboard any of my flights. PS – I call it the “Juice Bounce” – the juice is always lower on the cart and that’s when your mind gets it’s pleasure.