Men over 50 are not looking at women my age. They are looking for younger women, and I want to know why.
—
Dear Sandy,
I am not terribly conventional, I have a doctorate, and I’m fairly independent. I also look about 10 years younger than my age (54). I am really energetic and still enjoy many of the things I enjoyed in my 20s and 30s. But in online dating, men my age are not looking at women my age. They are looking for younger women. The men I do hear from are older than me by 10-15 years and are looking for a far more relaxed lifestyle or trying too hard to be youthful (If it is genuine, great, if not, it’s annoying.)
I don’t want to date men who remind me of my dad, who want to eat quiet dinners every night or sit home watching movies. On the flip side, when I meet men in real life, I do attract more of the type I like—my age or younger and energetic. Yet, when they find out how old I am or that my kids are in their late teens, they get freaked out (much like they get when they learn I have a PhD), as if I have tricked them somehow on purpose.
I guess when the right guy comes along, this won’t happen, but I feel very discouraged and am not sure any more where to look to meet anyone. How does one navigate this “glass ceiling” of aging? I want to be in a relationship, and I’m worried it’s not going to happen. I’m sick of older men looking for younger women!
Fran
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free
♦◊♦
Dear Fran,
Here’s what I think about middle-aged men who say that they’re looking for much younger women: it’s often a dream, driven by a midlife crisis or a bruised ego. If you come across a profile of an older man who seems like a good guy, just ignore the age requirements listed and write to him anyway. An older man can dream of his fantasy arm-candy, his midlife crisis temporary cure, his ego boosting babe. But a real man, one who wants a relationship with a fabulous woman over 50, will probably view your profile and think, “This woman looks and sounds incredible. I want to get to know her.”
That’s why I suggest you ignore the age demographic online and write an email. I do it all the time and have dated men of all ages whom I met online and offline.
Why Older Men Look for Younger Women
A real man wants to be in partnership with a woman he can talk to, relate to, and come home to.
|
Biologically speaking, we are all hardwired to seek out the most youthful, robust partner. No matter our age, we want to be with someone who will live a long, healthy life. Back in the day, when marriage was about having a partner to help run the farm and procreate, before love stepped in to complicate marriage, men looked for signs of fertility in women–rosy cheeks and wide hips. Women sought out men with muscles, broad shoulders, one who could till the fields and bring home the hunt of the day.
Subconsciously, those instincts are still hardwired into your brain, even though you’re no longer of childbearing age. I watched a PBS special about attraction where young men were shown photos of women in various stages of their menstrual cycle. Women who were ovulating were almost always rated as more attractive.
There’s not much you can do about the men who date to satisfy their ego. You don’t want them anyway. They are boys, not mature men.
♦◊♦
A real man wants to be in partnership with a woman he can talk to, relate to, and come home to. She’s the whole package–someone who takes care of herself emotionally, physically, and spiritually. She’s young at heart and playful. She’s smart and isn’t afraid to let down her guard and let the right man in.
Agree or disagree? Do most men over 50 look for younger women? If so, why do you think that is?
—
This article originally appeared on Last First Date.
Photo: Flickr/ Geoff Livingston
Wow, the comments here are really strange and weirdly entertaining! LOADS of angry, mopey, bitter, horny dudes out there. Sorry guys… “Bummer Man! He delivers!” Life’s tough. I am a widow, I’m in my 50s and I’m having the most wonderful time ever being on my own. No, I’m not jaded. Not angry. Not bitter. I am happy and grateful. I am funny as heck. But frankly… I’ve just really gotten in to this whole “On my own” thing and it’s pretty darn cool. I go where I want, I do what I want. If I want a cat, I… Read more »
Those of us older men who date, understand something critical. 2 out of 3 postmenopausal women have zero real world interest in sex. Quote: “In general, sex drive decreases gradually with age in both men and women, but women are two to three times more likely to be affected by a decline in sex drive as they age. Reduced sex drive becomes much more common in women starting in their late 40s and 50s. ”
https://www.menopause.org/for-women/sexual-health-menopause-online/sexual-problems-at-midlife/decreased-desire
Fran, you said it yourself:
:…I do attract more of the type I like—my age or younger and energetic.”
Why is it you can’t see the other side? Self centered irony at its finest!
I dont think its about men wanting to date younger women that is the problem. It is about men not even considering women their own age thats the problem. I am a 27 years old female and if I am being honest we want men a few years older, but not anything after 6 or 7. So when I have a 37 and over man emailing me, we are not interested. So I think it is more of men who are self-centered and only thinking of their sexual needs.
“I am not terribly conventional, I have a doctorate, and I’m fairly independent.”
That’s one way to put it. The other way is “I’m smug, will belittle you because I have a doctorate in [Art History/Women’s Studies/worthless liberal arts] and bitchy.”
One wonders whether this woman was complaining when she was in her 30s and 40s and men in their 50s were showering her with attention. Where was her concern for women in their 50s then?
Take a look in the mirror. Notice the corners of the mouth pointing down. Not a happy face that I’d be around. Suggest that you stop gargling with that pickle and green persimmon juice combo in the morning.
Because we are tired of jaded women
Yes, but the problem is, us young women dont want jaded men. Yes, they exist. I find it hilarous when men in their late thirties and forties ask me out. It shows they can’t cut it with women their own age, financially or maybe even sexually, so they go to a younger women, who most likely wont know any better. Yes, in my late twenties and on a dating site, where I constantly get older men mailing me and not paying attention to my age requirements this is what I think. And believe me its what other women think.
No good ever comes out of discussions like this on the internet. People just flaming each other, bragging about how young they look and how young their partners are.
Everyone’s preferences are their own. Best to live and let live. I think many are angry they can’t have what they want and come here to vent and antagonize the other gender. Really it all amounts to nothing in the end. People will be people- the end.
As a 70-year-old man, I would love to feel that young romantic love again. That feeling that you get when you look at a girl and just get overwhelmed with wanting to kiss and hold her and hold her hand. I look at women my age or even 10 to 15 years younger and I just don’t get anywhere near that feeling. I guess I’ve had my chance to be young and “in love” that I want again. I guess I should just go out to pasture and stop dreaming of finding that feeling again.
You can find it with a women close to your own age. I understand you are not going to be attracted to a women whose 65 like you will be to a 40 year old, but you need to understand that most likely a 40 year old will not be attracted to you. Even if you are in wonderful shape. Its just how it is.
True, but you can’t force someone to be attracted to someone they are not. Even getting know someone by their personality, doesn’t mean it will change your attraction for them. It happens sometimes, but some mutual attraction is needed.
Im also sick of it and tired of hearing that men want younger woman because of fertility. Seriously I do not think a man that sees a 20 year old with her boobs bouncing out of her top and her shorts showing her tight butt say to themselves, ” I want to have babies with her”. They are most likely saying they would like to have sex with her just because shes sexually attractive. Im so sick of hearing that men are hard wired to see the fertility in young woman. If thats the case and they are, then why… Read more »
LOL, Tight Butts, Perky breasts, Soft wrinkle free skin, Fit bodies, and generally speaking features of 20 something youth are inherently a signature of fertility. Men are hardwired to be attracted to those aspects because that drastically increases the probability of producing offspring. It goes hand in hand. Now I agree with you that Porn is a problem but you seem to miss the point of why men find certain attributes attractive. Women on the other hand generally have two types of men they seek out. One is the bad boy who is aggressive and as I call them the… Read more »
We aren’t Objects…not a “market” stop with this nonsense. There are guys that are in their 60s seeking 20 year olds…that’s messed up but women get called cougars…all these lame excuses so men can behave however the hell they want. Give it up…this is all learned behavior and not “hard wired”….you can look at your own family tree to see that most of your relatives did not have a huge age gap. Men are watching too much porn.
Men are looking for younger women because they are weak minded
@Lynn No, men are not weak minded, we’re attracted to women who are at, or near peak fertility!
yeah right whatever…a 60 year old should not be chasing teenagers. Put down the porn.
Yeah , like women look for rich guys who are tall because they are so strong minded. Women hold the cards when they are young and men hold the cards when they are older. Get over it
Keep telling yourself that. Enjoy your cat.
We choose to chase those young, weak minded women, because the older, supposedly strong minded ones put us off with their poor attitudes and sense of entitlement. There’s usually a reason a 40 or 50 something single woman is single. Add to that the fact that nature is generally not nearly as kind to women as it is to men in the aging department, and they lose competitiveness with the younger women who want the stability that often comes with an older man.
Incorrect Lynn. We want to have sex with someone who enjoys it.
But us younger women, yes, I am 29, will not enjoy it with you. Believe it or not sex is sex. Unless a man has no stamina it is just the same, even at 29. The difference is, older men think that us younger women are stupid and dont no any better. Wrong.
I am also over 50 but I want to have relation with a women of either of my age or even more than my age.
I think it’s all psychological. I’m an older woman & I don’t have any problem with attracting men 20 to 25 years younger than me. The problem is that I don’t want to date a man that young. To be fair, I don’t think these boys can tell how old I am by looking at me. I’ve been mistaken for being my daughter’s sister which upsets my 22 year old. When I started dating again after my second divorce, I had a date with someone I thought was much older than he was (he was bald) and he did not… Read more »
Hi Jen. I am 50+ and interested to have casual relations with women of my age. If interested you can chat with me at my mob 9779286907
Why does it bother women so much as to who and what other people (in this case, men) are attracted to, and/or do in their own lives ? Women/girls make (what I personally perceive as) bad/horrible choices in mates all the time: you don’t hear me a-Bitchin. Men don’t look at younger women to “satisfy their ego.” Men want young women because (are you ready for this ??) ….. younger women typically look MUCH BETTER. Let’s face it: Women between 16 and 30 are in their prime of beauty. Typically, a woman hits her peak of beauty somewhere between 21… Read more »
But I think younger men look MUCH BETTER too. So now what? What would men do if women felt just as they do? I guess we would cease to exist if we all want younger.
Amen Alana. People have gotten so shallow and insensitive. Ego’s get fed by the media. I was raised in a family with 9 Uncles and a father that respected women and treasured their wives throughout their entire lives. That set up my expectations. Many men now days don’t measure up. They are so objectifying and have no respect. They feel they deserve respect, REALLY???? When I was in my mid 40’s a 22 year old man at my health club was chasing me. Should I have traded in my pot bellied loving, loyal husband of 25 years to run away… Read more »
I guess the fact that women over 40 exist have needs and have a lot of experience and lot to offer is just incensequential. Maybe we need to just take a back hoe and dump them over a cliff. Without attractiveness to men they have no value.
You got it!
Sure—that’s swell except a lot of us have joined the ranks of MGTOW–and the radical non reality feminist movement caused it. We largely don’t want relationships with women of any age anymore. Sure there are exceptions but it isn’t worth the hassle of trying to find them. And those of us who are successful and have money can have younger women. And there is no way we are going to risk our assets for the ring for any woman now. The MGTOW code–disregard women, earn currency.
I’m 45 and only date women in their 20s or early 30s who look 20’s. Don’t follow the author’s advice to email men who say they only want younger women. You’re wasting our time. I have no attraction to women my age and don’t need someone to tell me what I’m missing out by sleeping with 20-somethings instead of 40-somethings. Next thing, you’re gonna tell me to get rid of my McLaren because Hondas are much better. And to the young women who say they wouldn’t date a 45 year old: I tell women I’m 36 and none of them… Read more »
Wow I am certain there are many beautiful young women who can’t wait to be with you. Lol
I think we are all just kids fighting for a seat in the big game of musical chairs.
I’m a youthful woman in her 40’s. Not sure why the OP is so angry. If a guy my age won’t date a woman my age that’s fine. He has issues that I don’t want to deal with anyway. I’ve been married before and already had my children. I am financially independent and quite frankly the idea of living with a man and being in a conventional “relationship” with one isn’t appealing at all to me. Don’t get me wrong, still like to keep a man in the wings here and there for physical needs, but he can go home… Read more »
Forget about those guys, they’re chasing young girls because they’re washed up and no one will take their crap, sensible older guys know better. These burnouts can’t perform in bed and think a young girl is going to fix it, they fancy themselves as some kind of player but look at them, they’re out of shape, dress like a homeless guy, are flat broke, and theyre nasty! They spend all their time OLD, drinking and in the TAB, no one wants them. Go offline, go out, there’s plenty of men around across a wide age margin who will date a… Read more »
bitter much?
I have known a man for 35 years that has been married 6 times. He is 74 and still marrying late 20 somethings. He is never happy. I feel sorry for him. Other men may say he is smart. He has made millions upon millions, but always living on the edge of being broke because of alimony and child support. He has 12 children ages 6 months to 53 years old. I feel sorry for his lack of fulfillment. I am sorry that some people have the inability and maturity to have depth and deep connection. I think these men… Read more »
Yeah, he’s still fucking those 20 somethings. You, on the other hand, is dry and bitter and getting nowhere. LOL
Shaming language. How original…🤣
I’ve met a few women who I thought were kind of interesting until I discovered that they were older than me. Sorry, but no. It’s a hard rule for me.
I still have options, most of them are younger than me, and you don’t have much of a shelf life. We owe you nothing. Life’s tough. Don’t expect sympathy. Work harder at it. Moping on the internet is not going to change anything for you.
(You also know that nobody is forcing you to date, right? Again, we don’t owe you our time or attention. You are owed *nothing*.)
Dear guest h320,
Go ahead with your hard fast rule of dating younger. And when she wakes up and realizes you don’t have that much money, are old with ED, she will leave your ass. So, while you are drinking your beer, wondering what happened, remember that she has choices and owes you nothing. Right it down.
lol 🙂 I hope you find peace and contentment. Be well.
Shelf life? Men only look good in their 20’s before their looks are wilted and you’re Johnson is nothing but a cooked noodle. You’re pretty much sterile after your 20’s as well and it gets harder for you to father children. Younger women use older men to get by in a rough period of their lives and help them financially. Then they leave you and go for a hotter man closer to their age who she can make a nice looking family with.
So basically you confirm the whore like hypergamous nature of women. Interesting.
When they leave for “a hotter man closer to their age” (LOL), we get another, younger hottie. Don’t you get it? When you age, we WANT you to leave. 😀
Wrong Anna. 2 out of 3 older women are not interested in sex. Older men are much more likely to want sex. Older men also prefer that their partner enjoy the sex too. https://www.menopause.org/for-women/sexual-health-menopause-online/sexual-problems-at-midlife/decreased-desire
Women may be more attractive in their twenties, but they do not hit their sexual peak until their thirties. Men hit their sexual peak in their twenties (when they are dating women their own age), but they are usually better sexually when they are in their thirties and forties due to experience, but they dont want to have it as often as a man in their twenties. So while I am sure men want to have sex in their thirties, you are not having sex like you were in your twenties.
Men shouldn’t actually be procreating after their mid 20s…there is a reason their sexual peek is at 18 and women at 40….Sorry dude but this is the truth but the male media just wouldn’t sacrifice itself:
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/getting-pregnant/expert-answers/paternal-age/faq-20057873
http://www.macleans.ca/society/life/the-dangers-of-older-dads-2/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3047786/Devastating-health-risks-older-fathers-pass-children.html and http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/older-father-younger-mother-bad-idea-for-baby-1641010.html
We are literally created a society of mental illness because money rules instead of biology and nature.
If you read the link you posted from the Mayo Clinic, you will see that those issues discussed, the overall risk from defects due to older fathers is very small. Older mothers have much higher risks of issues with children.
https://www.babycenter.com/0_age-and-fertility-getting-pregnant-in-your-40s_1494699.bc
I’m in my early 30s, and in all honesty I do not have an age preference; I am happy to date older and younger women. That being said, women my own age are by far the most fickle, demanding and entitled in relationships. So after years of trying to date women like that, a younger partner who respects you is pretty appealing (respect does NOT mean worship).
**likewise, an older partner who appreciates certain qualities is also most enticing! (speaking only for myself, of course)
Wait! A man that says an older woman can possibly have value and shouldn’t be thrust into the volcano at age 35?? Clone yourself. You will be a superior prototype.
Some do for sure but I doubt if most do. Even if its been proven, o well, do what you have to do. Take bigger risks! Be BOLD! Let judgemental comments and namecalling go in one ear and out the orher! Go get a man!!!
I gotta admit, I am 43 years old and I am ONLY attracted to women who are like 20. The older I get the more I want only much younger women. I don’t care about love or relationships or anything like that. I just want them physically. That’s it. Nothing more than that. I have no need for a woman in my life except for that one thing. Even that is getting to be not much of a concern for me anymore. In other words, I can take women or leave them. I am totally out of the game and… Read more »
Same here. There is no need for relationships when you can get sex without commitment. And marriage? Forget it. There is absolutely nothing in it for men. There is nothing you can get by being married that you can’t get without it. Nothing at all.
That’s your opinion. Many men want to raise a family with a woman and watch their children grow up. It’s not for everybody, but it’s for the real manly men who know how to be the leader of a tribe.
I see a lot of those manly men weeping their eyes out in family court.
Those real manly men also look for a woman to raise that family with. But that’s not for everybody, it’s for the real womanly women who knows how to stand by their man and be a wife and a mother, not those dried up, bitter feminist hags, or some whiny control freaks.
I’m between 20-25, and I think guys in their 40s are old are gross, no matter how fit or rich you are. Why would I settle for some old dude over 35 when I could have a hot young guy my own age? Most girls my age feel this way also. The ones who don’t are gold diggers, and not quite as hot as the rest of us. Just sayin’.
Between 20-25 huh ?
“I’m between 20-25” LOL! No you’re not.
I’m 29. This has always been my train of thought. And sadly I’ve realized the older I get, the slimmer the pickings are with men because I’m only attracted to guys who are 23 or 24 years old.
Enjoy life alone 😀
Maybe you should start looking for mr. Good Enough, because mr. Right is no longer/were never interested, miss. This is actually a sound advice.
That is not true that younger men are not interested in a women a few years older, when they are both in their twenties. Younger men in their early twenties approach women in their mid to late twenties. Happens to me all of the time. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it does not. Now in ten years. When a women is in her thirties, that same age group (men in their twenties) won’t be approaching you as much, and yes, men in their thirties will still be looking at women in their twenties.
I agree with Kaitlin. Guys aged over 35 are gross period and most girls think this. These days girls in their early twenties going out with old guys ..are gold diggers or have some other problem…. you get a small slice of the pie to choose from .. this makes you old guys obsessed with young girls on this forum even more gross .. 🙈
And women over 35, what are they?
LOL, keep that line of thought, and you’ll soon enough be a bitter old hag just like the one in the article.
You men are pathetic. I am in my 20s and so sick of men saying they are better then men closer to my own age. Just deal with the fact that your age group is your own age of 4-5 years younger. Yes, older age gaps exist but it never gonna be the norm or what women want. As you get older we will want you for your money, but definitely will look elsewhere in the bedroom. And yes, this is a reality all of you men need to deal with. Men struggle to age, and yes, so do women,… Read more »
Kaitlyn, I’m glad you prefer a mate your age. Just remember that men and women are different and when you hit 50 and lose interest in sex, destroy your marriage by sexual frigidity and initiate a divorce, it’s 100% natural. It’s also natural that your husband is very likely to be as horny as he was earlier in life. https://www.menopause.org/for-women/sexual-health-menopause-online/sexual-problems-at-midlife/decreased-desire
Mitch, not all women lose interest in sex by 50. A few years ago when I was still living at home, my parents were still having sex. In their fifties. So while I am sure that sometimes women do loose their interest in sex, I also think men and women lose interest in their partner due to other reasons: financial concerns, life stressors, etc. I get older men ( men in their late thirties, early forties) trying to convince me all the time to go out with them, but myself and many other women feel like if they can’t hack… Read more »
I ran into this page looking for answers to why older men are creepy and now I found it. All these men commenting on how they want a younger girl is gross. Do you really think young girls really want an old nasty wrinkle man. If it wasn’t for your money. Your the guys we date as an ATM while we have our young side pieces on the side. Who wants an old tired grandpa to be the father of their kids gross!!!! . It’s all about the money.
We don’t care what you do on the side because we are doing the same thing. Yes, it is all about the money. Women can talk all they want about how they want a nice, sincere man blah,blah,blah but what makes their panties drop to the floor is money. Most women are shameless, shallow hypergamists.
And when we find out you’re having a young piece on the side, we get that documented by a PI and your soon-to-be-to-old-and-worthless ass gets tossed out, and your money supply gets cut real short. We however, welcome another younger, big-titted babe thirsty for money. Repeat as needed. 😀
And thats fine, but the whole point of this site is to discuss if women are really attracted to much older men. And the answer is NO. Yes, you are right, you can probably find another young women who will be with you for your money, but this site is will a women ten years younger find you sexy after your in your late forties and early fifties, and the answer is NO. So if you can accept that, then sure there is nothing wrong with dating a much younger women.
I see woman my age; all tired and bitter and I think, “damn, do I look THAT old?” Younger women are still attracted to me so where’s the problem? I’m happy, they’re happy.
Everyone knows that women peak in their 20’s and men peak later. Men are just less mature in general.
I get along with younger women way better. They aren’t all worn and tired. I’m still healthy and fit so why waste it on a woman who can’t keep up and will always be sitting at home alone as I am out in the mountains?
My girlfriend is 26, I’m 41. I climb mountains and she is a personal trainer. Women my age are gross, boring and worn out. I’m still killing it so why should I settle for a worn out old crone who can’t keep up? Just so other old crones can feel valued? F-that. Men age like wine and women age like milk.
Correction: It is not so general as that. You are right but it goes like this: Some PEOPLE age like wine. Some PEOPLE age like milk. Some of us have great genes and we take care of ourselves. You do realize the word MILF was coined for a reason? But you are right, some people age nasty, others like gold. I am sure you know a few guys who look bad and maybe a few woman who look damn fine.
Sometimes I see a man and woman and I think, “wow, she looks way older than him.” it is true. There are some really stunning older women out there. Yes, maybe a dime a dozen but there are so many wonderful products and workout routines that you can commit to. Also I firmly believe that if you are on the high end of the golden ratio rule then you will always be attractive. Maybe not to a playa’ but definitely you will turn heads I think.
I’m 32 but to me you at 43 you are young. I think we are all just kids fighting for a seat in the big game of musical chairs. You are a beautiful person even if you weren’t with a 26 year old and were fat and not intelligent. You are enough.
What a very interesting discussion
Im in my late 20s believe me most women my age think your gross, don’t kid yourself Jeff. It does happen occasionally that a women a lot younger will want you, but dont kid yourself, my guess is she wont marry you. Believe me men in their 40s are at risk to have babies with developmental problems to.