Liking Porn and Loving Women: My Day as an Ethical Porn Star

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xoJane.com, Jane Pratt's lifestyle site for women, is not about changing yourself to fit any mold of what others think you should be. It is about celebrating who you are. Like Sassy and Jane before it, xoJane.com is written by a group of women (and some token males) with strong voices, identities and opinions, many in direct opposition to each other, who are living what they are writing about.

Comments

  1. I take my hat off to you sir. Being a male pornstar is a thing I like to fantasized about but I know I wouldnt be able to do it because I think its so damn hard. How do you mantain ( and get for me lol ) your erection in front of those strangers ( models and audiences) ? I guess some porn company ( and models ) ban viagra and other drugs right?

  2. Out of curiosity I took a look on Public Disgrace. Apparently, they film their outdoor scenes in European cities. From the trailer on the site I spotted Berlin and Budapest. Most likely the fly to Europe because the attitude about public nudity is more relaxed here than in the US, that is when they get caught filming they are in less trouble.

    I very much doubt they ask the bystanders on the outdoor shots for their consent to be filmed and their consent to witness the scenes. I’m German and when I go on a walk with my nieces I don’t want to run into a naked women on a leash and a film crew. And I don’t want my face in the background of a porn movie just because I happen to walk by. I’m happy that actors, actresses and viewers all get their sexual fantasy of public sex fulfilled. But I don’t want to be an involuntary part of this fantasy.

    Apparently, Kink.com is based in San Francisco. That’s a beautiful city. Why not use the local scenery to do their outdoor shots? IMO, a ethical porn company wouldn’t fly to Europe and abuse the lax attitudes about nudity and sex here to make money.

    • Joanna Schroeder says:

      I don’t think it’s allowed. Film shoots require permits, and I’m certain they wouldn’t permit it?

      That’s my best guess.

      • Yes, it’s certainly illegal. That’s my point. They are filming illegally in Europe because they get away with it here. I mean, they are not flying to Berlin because the Brandenburger Tor is a better scenery than Golden Gate Bridge. I imagine the laws are much harsher in the US when it comes to these things. And it’s probably harder to take legal steps against an American company for the German jurisdiction.

        A company who apparently cares about consent should also care about the consent of the bystanders in a public sex scene. It’s one thing to shot in a bar, like the author describes, and everyone who enters the bar knows this is a porn set. It’s a whole other thing to shot outdoor where totally uninvolved people just walk by.

        This is also one of the cases where the “what about the children” argument is valid. They shot in broad daylight. What if children witness a scene. I wouldn’t even care that much if it was just normal sex. But the theme of the site is humiliation. Women get humiliated by having rough sex in public or getting walked around naked on a leash. How do you explain that to a child?

        • I agree with every point you are making ThomasM.

          However, lets think about the average age that young boys start looking at porn. Statistically it’s between 9-12. Add in that the humilation of women sexually seems to be largely sucessful in pornography, wide spread and easy to come across online, what exactly do we teach children about porn and sexuality to begin with. Perhaps we are lying to ourselves about what are children are already being exposed to just because it happens in the screen of a computer. It isn’t like porn is the most respectful to women to begin with. A woman doesn’t have to be on a leash for a young boy to see that with a few clicks of hi finger. Perhaps we are already teaching them that humilating women is “sexy”. Perhaps we are also inadvertenly teaching young girls that their humilation is “sexy” and “womanly”. Perhaps this is why the humilation of women sexually has become so popular of late.

        • Joanna Schroeder says:

          I strongly agree with you, Thomas, about the consent. They should be considerate of bystanders who wouldn’t want to be exposed to that level of sexuality.

  3. I don’t think men aren’t capable of loving women and liking porn. But I think it’s a huge simplification of what is going on to simply say that because men love women, it’s perfectly cool and okay to humiliate them and that we all must accept this kind of “fantasy” simply because there are women that agree to be in this kind of porn.

    All in all , this stuff makes me feel depressed and sad for womankind. It increasingly seems like the sexual humiliation of women is normalized. I’m not convinced this is healthy sexual behavior though just because it turns people on. And why does it turn people on anyway? Sure, there is stuff out there that may humiliate men, however, it seems that specific to women, alot of men get a lot of joy out of female humiliation. Why has the humiliation of women become so popular and sexy to people? Do we as a society have a secret loathing for the feminine and women that their sexual humiliation makes society more comfortable with their place in it? Is this a backlash over some of the social power men have lost? Have women also bought into their own humiliation believing this is what makes them worth while an sexy? Please, lets not make the mistake that just because it exists as a fantasy, that it’s automatically healthy.

    I don’t disagree that there are women that choose and maybe even enjoy being humiliated in porn. But I don’t sincerely know many healthy women that would want to publicly be lead around on a leash, implying that they were nothing but a dog. Choosing to do this kind of porn and knowing the specifics behind what lead someone to make the choice to do that kind of porn are two different things. And I will use Jenna Jamison as an example because she is pretty vocal about her unhealthy upbringing and what lead her to her lifestyle. There is a lot this article misses out on. Yes, I don’t think most will argue that pornstars choose to be in porn movies. However, we really don’t know why they make those choices. So we can’t say that it’s all good simply because of something we want to take at face value so we don’t have to look too much more closely at it. This article misses out on a deeper discussion.

    And I understand that women consent to be in these movies. But I don’t consent to seeing women treated and represented like that. I don’t get a say in the increasing amount of media and porn that seems to be about women’s humiliation. What message are women suppose to take form this? The ones that don’t get a say in how femininity and sexuality is expressed for fantasy?

    It seems to me that among all this, there is a core belief that women are meant to be humiliated. Perhaps there is some serious self loathing going on in women that enjoy humiliation. Perhaps they got the wrong messages growing up about what is “sexy” due to the media they were exposed to. No different from young boys that get exposed to porn early as well.

    All I know is that it seems like female humiliation has become increasingly commonplace. And it also seems like women as a whole are expected to accept it and welcome it with smiling faces simply because other people agree to make porn of it. But I never got a say as a woman about the role of sex and humiliation.

    It seems like, more then ever before, women are meant to be men’s receptacles when men want us to be. And to me, it doesn’t matter if women that do porn agree to these roles. The message is still the same. Women are to be humiliated and used. But we aren’t suppose to judge anyone when they want to humiliate and use women. They are still good people. Because it’s okay to humiliate and use or abuse women. It’s sexy. It’s popular. It’s what is going on a lot in the porn world. Female humiliation is perfectly okay. And I am also expected to believe that our world loves women so much. I’m sorry but that doesn’t feel like love to me.

    • Agreed, Erin. I don’t understand how and why humiliation especially in regards to treating women that way is so popular and turns so many people on

  4. Although I don’t follow her product I did check out Donna Dolore’s blog and she seems like an intelligent and well-spoken young lady with a pretty big heart, which counts for a lot. Her recent post on the BDSM dynamic and some forms of “extreme play” seemed thoughtful, at least, and anything that encourages us to interrogate our desires is generally good on some level.

    • Hey Inners, I’m not trying to have an ego or anything but I’m intelligent, well spoken young lady with a pretty big heart. Doesn’t that count for a lot too? Or is it only Donna Dolore’s intelligence, well-spoken youngness and big heart what matters?

      I think you will discover that people are diverse and just because people are well spoken, intelligent and kind with big hearts, that doesn’t mean that they have life figured out or that they always are doing the best thing.

      I don’t think most men would like to see an industry that repeatidly was bulit on humilating men. Yet many men..good men! Men who are fathers, lovers, husbands, boyfriends, brothers, uncles and grandfathers..they enjoy sometimes seeing women humiliated on some level it seems by the kind of porn that is mainstream and seems to draw in the biggest audience among men.

      The message: It’s okay to humilate women. Women’s humilation is pleasurable for both women and men right? But no one stops to think about who porn is actually made for. It’s not really made for women. It’s made for men. It’s a fantasy too right? We all understand that porn is a fantasy and is created largely for male pleasure. But now we are going to say that female sexuality is exactly how it’s represented through porn? something that is largely dominated by male desires first and most?

      • Erin, I’m probably going to regret taking the bait here (and don’t intend to talk about this much more since you have your opinion and I have mine and I have things to do other than argue) but I don’t see why you and “Princess Donna” can’t both be perfectly wonderful young ladies (and both not entirely correct about everything). In fact, even though I don’t know either of you, I imagine that both of you are (on both accounts). I must admit that you come off, at first blush, as a bit mocking and confrontational and that made me a little ill-disposed towards you right at first, but I am sure that you are a perfectly fine person trying to live in the best way that you can.

        As for the damages caused or not caused by the creation of pornography… well, people do a lot of things that damage them that I don’t think should be made illegal or eradicated in some way. I played football and have suffered, in no particular order, concussions, torn ligaments, broken ribs and a thrice broken wrist. My favorite injury, for its disgust factor, was being hit in the liver so hard that I vomited blood. That was fun and visually impressive. A derby girl friend of mine was recently hit hard enough to detach a retina. Bad things can happen in a lot of intense pursuits, artistic or athletic. People can be involved in BDSM and enjoy hurting but not harming each other just like two men or women can box or wrestle and fight without intending to seriously injure or kill each other.

        I don’t have any notion about female desires, other than those of the women who have been my romantic partners, nor did I make any generalized statement about them, only a brief comment that I had read something of interest on the blog of a person who was a minor subject of this article. Some women enjoy fantasies about humiliation and some don’t. Some men enjoy those fantasies and some don’t. There are even, in this wide world, submissive men and dominant women who enjoy the fantasies described in this article in reverse.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] at Public Disgrace, and found it to be ethical porn-making in action. His report is called Liking Porn And Loving Women: My Day As An Ethical Porn Star; he’s got a lot to say, but this is from near the end: Princess Donna ripped the clothing [...]

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