Could an apology actually make a bad situation worse? Allana Pratt Intimacy Expert sees a clue as to why she may have lost interest in him…
Question: I think my girlfriend has lost interest in me. There is something missing between us. It started about two weeks ago when I wasn’t able to attend her work function. I apologized and thought I made it up to her but there has been this weird distance between us ever since. What’s going on?
Answer: I have about a million other questions in response to your question because if A, then B. If C, then D. Nonetheless great man, I honor your knowing, your gut that’s something UP.
It sounds like there’s unspoken communications here. It may have meant the WORLD to her that you go and you didn’t get the gravity of her request and she feels unimportant. It could be that the reason you didn’t go really triggered a fear in her. It could be that she’s afraid you were with people more important than her or even with another woman… I have NO IDEA what she’s made it mean… yet if indeed a change in connection happened after not attending that event… something in her MIND and HEART has happened.
Just apologizing seems to be sprinkles on the ice-cream cone of shit… perhaps coming off as shallow in comparison to the depth of being understood and soothed that she really requires. It could be that she’s lost respect for you that you just apologize and not stand up for yourself about why you chose not to go. Sometimes when men say I’m sorry for everything they appear weak or people pleasers, giving the woman more power than she wants!
Bottom line? Talk. Talk about it. Talk in a sandwich which means putting something grateful or affirming or connecting at both ends of the meat of the situation. My video gives an example.
Lastly watch that in her pulling away you don’t get needy. What would it take for you to be OK that she needs space while also guiding the relationship into a productive conversation that provided connection, honesty and space to be real? How could you be in allowance of all this uncertainty and not freak? Big stuff, yes?
I recommend you download my complementary report at www.GetHerToSayYes.com for more ways to stay centered when in a woman’s emotional storm. And if it’s a pattern that women pull away, it could be something that you’re subconsciously doing that if you changed and healed, could allow relationships to go from good to great, great to glorious. I invite you to apply for a complementary strategy session with me to get to the bottom of this blind spot. www.AllanaPratt.com/connect
Bottom line is that relationships are alive, they ebb and flow, there are times when you feel on top of the world and times you feel out of control… what if you could develop the capacity to soothe yourself, speak up for yourself, be in allowance and open to savoring all the experience has to offer… knowing no matter what you are a great man? Cuz you are 😉 Huge love, Allana xoxo
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Something deeper going on here. That is not female entitlement behavior, it seems more like female hurt behavior, at least from what I’ve learned. Emotional manipulation is more aggressive, this is passive. Some deep hurt here I think. Big question is why did he miss the event. NO woman does anything like that, or that important to her on short notice. Odds are that he’s known for at least a month, maybe more think. There is something that is not adding up. Beyond that, I don’t understand about people pleasing, strong or weak men. I’m just a guy comenting, but… Read more »
We have so little information we cant make any real meaningful conclusions. Its possible he is a gigantic moron liar any name in the book but it is also possible that he isn’t and that he didn’t do anything wrong. If she is hurt and he clearly cant figure out why, she needs to tell him what and how to fix it. She shouldn’t expect him to read her mind. She needs to talk to him. Why are men constantly being expected to be mind readers? Its getting ridiculous and pointless to be in relationship if He could have straight… Read more »
“As for your no woman would miss an event special to their partner, I have to disagree very much” i did not say that, Issac. I stated that No woman does anything like that, or that important to her on short notice, meaning that she would have planned HER event well in advance and he would have had plenty of notice, not that a woman would not miss HIS event. Sorry for the confusion. I certainly know that women blow men off just as much. There are selfish women out there and selfish men. your example is one that is… Read more »
Sorry this article really struck a nerve with me. Its lack of detail leave it pretty useless as all we can really do is speculate speculate and speculate some more. Not just in how men are treated in relationships but in life in general. I dont for a second want men to be believed automatically over women but I dont want the opposite either which is the way society is headed.I want people to stop trying to tear each other down because of gender and work together. I shared this article on my facebook page and got several women responding… Read more »
@Issac, I hear ya, man. It’s the same thing I’ve hearing from guys across the board. There is a mass movement away from relationships and marriage going on with men, but no one is paying attention. There have been two books on it so far, and I’m sure more to come. The problem is that the same talking heads that helped caused the problem are the same talking heads that are now contesting it. I watched an interview with one of the authors and some random feminist “assertive” woman. She contested everything the author said while citing a Pew Review… Read more »
@ Issac, “If such is true this is a reason alot of guys are running away from relationships.” You hit the nail on the head Sir… Decades ago men simply endure the decades of misery and quiet desperation from choosing unwisely. We did so for assorted reasons, mostly noble (keeping our family together, sacrifice, etc). Today men are leaving such relationships or are avoiding them altogether. I cannot say they are right or wrong. Each man must decide what is best for him and be prepared to live with that choice. We must take ownership for all of our decisions,… Read more »
She met another guy at the party. Now shes not interested in you. Simple. He works with her, and when you were not around and shes mad at you, he, as a white knight, came to her rescue. Now your on the back burner, bud. Dump her and get moving on
This could be true too, Aaron. I speculate that you’ve seen, or read guys stories about the BBD as much as I have.
Kim we have no idea for what reason he missed her event. He could have had a good reason he could not have. If he had a good reason and explained that to her shes just being cold because she can. Why if he had a legitimate excuse have to “stand up” for himself, if he had a good reason that should be enough. If that is true and she is still angry for a while afterwards then he would probably do well to move on. If he didn’t then that’s on him. He needs to explain why he wasn’t… Read more »
Agree with Jim B. Taking this at face value, if she is too pompous to accept his apology then it’s time for him to move on and stop crawling on broken glass. Her continued cold shoulder is borderline abusive as far as I am concerned.
Jim B
I read this different from you.
She say maybe the women maybe lost respect because the man did not stand up for himself and told her why he did not want to come.
I if this happened to me I would see a man that explain why he could not or did not want to show up to be the man that showed feelings ,while the man that said sorry only expressed the feelings of being sorry and how much guts does it take that ? Not much.
Ugh. Yet again, I’m bothered by the fact that this guy is potentially being punished for being honestly sorry about something and then honestly expressing those emotions. Now, don’t get me wrong, he may’ve monumentally screwed up. Allana, kudos for recognizing that. But I’m sorry, if a woman finds a man to be “weak” or a “people pleaser” when he genuinely apologizes (and understands why he screwed up), then you need to find a new woman. Period. I don’t apologize for speaking my opinion (assuming I’m doing so kindly and respectfully), but if I screw up, I apologize. To me,… Read more »