My Threesome Didn’t Work Out Like I’d Hoped

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About She Said He Said

Eli and Josie, friends since college, realized how lucky they were to have one another—an honest friend of the opposite sex who tells it like it is. They wanted to share that with the world and so www.shesaidhesaid.me was born.

Comments

  1. Eric M. says:

    Some people are, others aren’t. Apparently, she’s not. If you’re not poly it won’t work no matter what you do.

  2. Julie makes it sound freaking exhausting! Having ONE partner is almost too much for me. There is a lot to be said for just being single. :-)

  3. The gigantic warning flag to me in this is the “he promises nothing happens when I’m not around.” Did you want a relationship where you called the third in for a good time in bed? Or a true poly relationship? Not all sexual and emotional bonding will occur with your strictly watching it in a poly relationship. They will have private moments that just they share. If that’s not something you are comfortable with then you probably need to go back to the drawing board on what you really want in your relationship.

    You just wanted a friend? Someone only you got to talk and hang out with that occasionally hooked up with you and/or your husband? Did you make it clear to the other woman that she was just going to be a friend? Or did she come in thinking this was going to be a romantic relationship like a poly relationship would be? Maybe she just feels more connected to your husband than you. Have you all three sat down and talked about what everyone’s expectations are?

    I’ve done open relationships in my past and that alone is hard. Never mind trying to balance all the emotional connections in a poly relationship. If I had my ideal in a marriage it would probably look more like swinging than anything now. But I agree you need to start having some conversations and start getting honest with your self about what you truly actually want before she gets any deeper into her relationship with your husband or your husband any deeper with her.

    • I pretty much agree with everything Kat said. I only have the barest of experiences with poly/open/swing relationships, but it always seemed like you had to take the amount of communication neccessary in any good relationship (which is already a lot) and square it when you add another person.

      And, while I hope everything works out for you, there’s no “reset” button here. Both your husband and this other woman are real people whom you don’t have any real control over. You very well may have opened Pandora’s Box. While there’s no going back, I hope you can find a way to move forward that is satisfactory (though, maybe not ideal) for all three of you.

  4. I know what you must be going through and my heart goes out to you. A poly relationship without love between all partners is going to be rough on the emotions.

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