Your well-intentioned words could tear a friendship apart.
—
I recently learned a very valuable life lesson. This lesson came at a high price. You see, I have this problem. It’s almost like an addiction really. I tend to give people advice without being asked. I don’t exactly do it on purpose. I don’t do it because I think I know best. Truly I have the person’s best interest at heart. The thing is when you are standing on the outside looking in giving advice is so much easier. Except when you are too brutally honest and the person you gave advice to never wants to speak to you or hear from you again.
Losing a friend, someone you love and care about is too high a price to pay for giving advice. Unfortunately, I made the deadly mistake of giving advice to a friend who…let’s just say isn’t necessarily open to feedback or what he perceives as criticism or judgment. He is a good man. A great man in fact. He just doesn’t respond well to anything other than positivity. So when I told him to let go of somethings. Well … it just didn’t go well. I should have known better. I should have listened to the voice inside my head telling me to leave it alone. Obviously, I didn’t listen to my own advice.
Losing a friend, someone you love and care about is too high a price to pay for giving advice.
|
This man is an amazing father. His kids are truly blessed to have him. He is a great husband and an amazing leader. He just doesn’t see it. He is hard on himself—way too hard if you asked me. He seems to need validation from everyone around him. This makes me sad because when he doesn’t get what he needs he hurts. When I told him to stop seeking validation from others and to look within himself … well … as I mentioned before, it didn’t go well at all.
It’s hard to look inside yourself. It’s hard to realize and understand that at the end of the day we are the only ones responsible for our own happiness. Sometimes people don’t see that. Sometimes they don’t want to see it.
I am sorry that the things I said hurt someone I care about. I am even more sorry that my words ended a friendship. I am sorry that I won’t ever be able to take them back. Perhaps some things are better left unsaid. Especially if it means you will lose someone you love.
I can only hope that one day my dear friend will look back and realize that my words came from a place of caring and concern, and that my intent was never to harm him. I hope one day he will see that I care about him and want him to be happy. I want him to see the amazing person I see. I want him to believe in himself the way I believe in him. I am and will forever be sorry for the advice I gave that tore our friendship apart.
—
Photo: Getty
Would you like to help us shatter stereotypes about men?
Receive stories from The Good Men Project, delivered to your inbox daily or weekly.
It depends who says it. If a friend says things like this to me, I would be interested to discuss this topic some more. Would never hurt me. But if she uses her blog to send the message and denies having done so, the message becomes meaningless, since the method of delivery is dishonest.