Most sex partners of men know that it is not the size of the penis, but the size of the connection that matters. Yet, no matter how often I heard this I didn’t believe it.
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Comparing my natural endowment with those featured in porn films left me coming up short and very insecure. In one of my most memorable episodes of “Seinfeld,” George comes out of the swimming pool and his towel drops. Standing naked and mortified in front of his friends he fumbles through excuses for the size of his shriveled penis. I so identified with George as I thought of the many times I suffered through that type of embarrassment and always wanted to shout out, “You should see it when it’s erect!”
Most women know that it is not the size of the penis, but the size of the connection that matters. Yet, no matter how often I heard this I didn’t believe it.
It took years for me to understand that great sex, for both woman and men, is a matter of mind and spirit, as well as body. I learned that the physical part of sex ultimately plays a much smaller role than the emotional connection that results from sharing loving feelings and our likes and dislikes.
Focusing on my heart connection and communicating from that centered place, the key to being a great lover and really satisfying my partner, has allowed me to finally let go of the myth and be satisfied with what I’ve been gifted.
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What are the beliefs that keep you from feeling perfectly as ease with the size and look of your own or your partner’s penis?
(Note: If you are new to this series, the Introduction to the series is above.)
Nothing limits our ability to love and be loved, and to find joy and fulfillment more than the beliefs that disconnect us from our hearts. And, nowhere do these beliefs cause more limitations than in our sex lives.
Learning about my sexuality meant challenging a great deal of what conventional thinking had taught me. Although my experiences are from a heterosexual perspective, I know from nearly fifty years of teaching about relationships and practicing psychotherapy with people across the sexual identity spectrum that we all share both many limiting beliefs and the desire for meaningful intimate relationships.
For example, in 1993 I did an illuminating 25 minute interview with my dear friend Robert Eichberg, founder of National Coming Out Day, about his new book Coming Out An Act of Love. As we discussed his book, sometimes with humor and sometimes tearing up, we marveled over our common experiences. The information we shared is just as poingnant today as it was then. You can enjoy it by clicking here.
Some of the deeply engrained false sexual beliefs and fears that plagued my life will be addressed. The last blog in this series “Sex Beyond Belief” describes a different kind of sex, one that emerges when we are out of our heads and the sexual experience transcends false beliefs.
Photo: Flickr/Tomasso Valentino
Intelligent women know every penis is beautiful.
My GF must not be very smart then, as she’s only orally pleasured it once.
Girl meets guy.
Guy hugs girl
Girl kisses guy
Guy follows girl home
Girl bring guy tea
Guy fondle girl
Girl undress herself
Guy undress himself
Girl look at guy
Guy lok at girl
Girl says “Whom are you going to satisfy with that little willy-nilly?”
Guy says “Myself” and grins.