I still care about him. What should I do?
This week TrèsSugar brings us a reader with a conflicted and frustrated heart from their Group Therapy community forum. What do you think?
My boyfriend and I have been broken up for a few weeks now. A little time has passed and I don’t feel as angry and hurt as I did a few weeks ago, but I am still hurt and confused. At this point, I don’t know what I want to do or what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know whether to remain friends with him. I feel like in his mind, he believes everything is back to normal and I’m not supposed to be hurt. He is the one who broke up with me. He told me he’s already talking to someone else — after lying and saying he wasn’t worried about any other women because he wanted to focus on himself. That alone makes me feel like he didn’t care about me in the first place.
Rape in the News: What Your Need to Know
He has made no effort to make our relationship work. I’ve done it on my own. He doesn’t work for anything. He oversteps my boundaries all the time and goes against my feelings, which is emotional abuse. He wants to be my friend and keep in contact with me, and I don’t mind being friends with him, but I’m still very disgusted and angry with him over the stupid decisions he’s made. He thought he was making the best decision for the both of us, but he doesn’t ever make good decisions and when he does, they only make sense in his delusional mind. He thinks that by telling me these things, he’s “keeping it real” with me, but little does he know that it’s actually doing more harm than good. I don’t know how I feel about him anymore. He doesn’t understand the full extent of how badly he hurt me. He is a narcissistic person who doesn’t care if he hurts others, and when he does apologize, he ends up doing it again anyway. I feel like he has no remorse.
We were together for three years. Feelings like this don’t go away that quickly, although I am trying to make them go away because I’m tired of the pain. I’ve felt alone even before we got out of a relationship. I’ve felt like I was in this relationship by myself. I don’t understand the purpose of wanting someone to stay in your life after you broke up with them. He says he cares about me and that he loves me, but I’m at the point where I don’t believe a word he says to me anymore. His words and actions never match. I feel like if you love and care about someone, you wouldn’t hurt them constantly by making stupid decisions and putting others before them like they’re nothing. He wants to have his cake and eat it too, and he says that’s not true, but it’s obvious. I’m tired of feeling this way all the time. I feel like he doesn’t give a damn about me, and even when he says he does, I don’t believe it. I’m so over these emotionally unavailable men who don’t commit or stay consistent. I’m still trying to heal from all of this. Why is he being so selfish about his needs and not mine? I just feel like a fool. I don’t wish this feeling upon any woman. I want to be with a man who can commit to me, stay loyal, and respect the feelings of others. I love him, but I don’t like the way he treats me. Where should I go from here?
More TrèsSugar Links:
The “Sexiest” Calendar Girls and Guys of 2013
Little Lady of the Hour: 6 Things to Know About Quvenzhane Wallis
Provocative Palm Springs Film Fest Movies We Can’t Wait to Watch
Photo credit: Flickr / katerha
truly, i think we’ve dated soul twins. i am going through exactly the same story, and i too have received a courtesy call, is what i’m calling it, to see how i’m doing and to hear the sound of my voice because it helps him cope with the sadness. insert many many many 4 letter words in advance of calling him a selfish hole of the rear end. has he been a good friend during the relationship? or during the break up? no. so he will continue to be a selfish “friend” now. who has time and energy for that?… Read more »
do not close the door completely….if you do ,then you cant visit the past ….this affords you the opportunity to stay in touch ….you hold the cards ..he left you.when he e mails you ,answer..if he calls talk…eventually ,he ll see you may be getting over him and if he doesnt want to lose you he ll make a move…patience..have patience…..but never evre close the door.if its shut ….its over
THANK YOU!
the 4:08am advice I was looking for.
“so he will continue to be a selfish “friend” now”
Except the selfishness continues two years after the breakup, but yes. definitely needed to hear that.
THANKS!
Ditto the others. You already know what to do – you’re angry, you don’t feel like he was good for you so don’t be his friend and move on. You’ll need plenty of space, time and energy to deal with your feelings and to put yourself in the right position to meet someone better. Sounds to me like you need to vent – call up someone who is already your friend and tell them you need some support during this difficult time.
Nope. Move-on!
BTDT….for several years….
Cut him loose!
If you read your post, your answer is right in it, you know what you should do and what you want to do, which is forgetting about him and not being his friend, so do it. The guy you described, doesn’t deserve one more minute of your time.