Even spiritual people receive mixed messages that complicate becoming sexually mindful.
This was previously published on elephant journal.
For some, spirituality is all fluffy and dream-catchery; our day‘s intention is to live with an open-heart and make smiley differences in the lives of others.
For others, spirituality is all about surrender to unfolding Source, personality annihilation and manifesting stillness.
But what about sex?
We live in a world with billions of sexually repressed women, billions of sexually damaged men and millions of people addicted to pornography. Many of those people would describe themselves as spiritual.
Something has gone wrong. The repression of sex can be held accountable for so many of our world’s ills. It is time to take a good look at the assumptions that we make about our sexuality, time to embrace some kick-ass spirituality.
For many people journeying a spiritual path, there’s much confusion about how to handle sex impulses that naturally arise. What does a student do when he has lusty thoughts about his gorgeous yoga teacher as she demonstrates downward facing dog?
What does a meditator do when she has the urge to masturbate (about the young muscular man at the ashram)? What does an internationally renowned teacher do when he no longer finds his gorgeous wife sexually attractive, preferring to indulge in his friends with benefits?
Sex is a mother load of work for every one of us.
People, the good news is we are all wonderfully sexual beings, for all is sex. Sex brings this all into being. The bad news, thus far, is that our patriarchal culture and a myriad of flesh-denying religious teachings have left us all with a sexual shadow.
How can we be spiritual and not sexual? Not possible.
I would describe myself as a sexual creature. I am also in touch with an inner yearning to understand what this experience called life is all about. I am a sexual mystic. Over the years, I have encountered many mixed messages from the spiritual scene as to what to do with all the sexual energy that flows through me.
Abstain? No. Embrace and share? No. Hide it? No. Tell everyone about it? No! Beyond the spiritual scene, in the world that I grew up in, there were even more mixed messages. Isn’t it extraordinary how sex is so out in the open, blatantly used in all media, and yet, it is so hidden; nobody talks freely about it. No wonder I was confused.
As a spiritual evolutionary, I was determined to find my way through the confusion. The essence of what I discovered is that this isn’t the time to pretend that our sex is bad or isn’t there. It’s no time to be guilty about something that is so beautiful.
It’s no time to bear shameful wounds that stand in the way of our wholeness. This is a time to embrace our every sexual feeling, every nuanced energy that moves within and to see it all as nature; a flow from divinity itself. Sexual mindfulness if you will. Sexquanimity.
I have peered deeply into the origins of sexual energy and seen that sex is the life force that brings everything into being. It is the most austere of energies that moves within us. Fellow seekers, let’s not deny that energy—let’s embrace it, talk about it, love it and celebrate it.
That surely is the way that we can return to wholeness. It is only when sexual energy is embraced and celebrated that our shadows will enlighten. Celebration of our sex has to be an integral part of any spiritual journey.
Wholeness is ours to be experienced when we indulge in all of life with awareness. Even those sexy, naughty, juicy parts of us that we would rather pretend weren’t there.
Om Mani Padme Hum
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Image credit: Tomas Sobek/Flickr
I’ve always had a tantrist’s philosophy about this. I have a Scorpio Moon in House Eight, which is probably why sex has always seemed completely natural, and never, ever divorced from spirit. But what a shock it was to discover the ways other people had split the two up. The less alienated seemed to be people who didn’t necessary find sex bad, they just though it was low and the opposite of spirit. So, to be really, really cool, you should avoid hanging out on the sexual playground too much. The other type was the ones who essentially think sex… Read more »
Ben, I think I’m grokin what yer stockin here, but I wanna make sure of one point in particular. When you said: “This is a time to embrace our every sexual feeling, every nuanced energy that moves within and to see it all as nature; a flow from divinity itself. Sexual mindfulness if you will.” I don’t believe you meant that all sexual feelings are healthy, or should be practiced, or expected from one’s partner. Mindfulness in this case simply means noticing what is naturally arising in one’s thoughts and withholding shameful judgements around them, right? For example, if I… Read more »
Let’s start with looking at sexual attraction as more than just an “impulse.” Then, let’s try to think beyond the Pauline/Cartesian dualism that says that the spirit/mind is one thing totally separate from the flesh/body. While we’re at it, stop thinking of spiritual things as pure and clean, in contrast to bodily things that are dirty and naughty. Level the playing field when it comes to desires, instead of organizing them into some sort of rigid hierarchy from most good to most evil. Meanwhile, don’t go overboard and assume that every sexual encounter has to provide some sort of transcendent… Read more »
To me, the distinciton between “having sex” and “making love” is that one satisfies the body and one satisfies the spirit.
….not in a dualistic way – but in the way of completeness. Some people enjoy sex, and to that extent “do it right”, with no intent of having a “transcendent” experience. But for those seeking a meaningful connection with their partner, it is spiritual, even if not transcendent.
Can someone please define what is meant by the term “spiritual” – hopefully avoiding other terms that also require further definition.
Well, I assume you are asking for a personal definition since you could just as easily look up a general description online. So, here’s my personal definition of spiritiuality:
The pursuit to experience wholeness. That is to say, a state of being in which all aspects of life are appreciated.
And how is spiritual not just another word for psychological?
psyche and spirit are two complimentary expressions of the complexity of people; they are separate but related parts of the mind/body/spirit that set us apart from the rest of creation.
To me, “spirituality” is that longing for meaningful connection that is uniquely human.
Not clear on what you mean by the above. Is “meaningful” a qualitative or quantitative measure? How do we know it is indeed meaningful, and how do we correct/adjust against delusions of meaningfulness?
We know that belief often bridges the gap between facts and values. These beliefs usually make claims of right and wrong, and how we “should” be.
Is spirituality a belief? And if so, are you ascribing a value judgment of “good” to the belief?
Elissa, I’m speaking for myself here. Spirituality, for m e, is not about belief, it’s about “attaching meaning” to the events and relationships of our lives. Religion tends to be structured around beliefs and right and wrong ang value judgment. As for how we know what is meaningful, again, it’s not about value judgment. It’s about meaning – purpose. This has drifted a long way away from “spirituality and sex” but to the degree that sex is meaningful connection with a partner, it can be an expression of our spiritual selves. Does that make any sense?
It’s true sexuality is spiritual, but as with all aspects of life, it can be abused and destructive. Appalling how such a beautiful thing can become a prominent weapon of violence, hate and shame.
How Can You Be Spiritual and Sexual? How can you not? But then, that’s your point……
Destin Gerek is a powerful advocate and educator of this kind of work.Check out his viewpoint, powerful stuff:
http://vimeo.com/eroticrockstar/invest