Lap Dance Anxiety

How Nathan Graziano deals with the anxiety of having a beautiful woman grind, naked, on his lap.

Lap dances make me feel funny.

When I say “funny,” I’m not talking about a tingling in my groin, the onset of a tent. Nor do I mean that having a beautiful woman, naked and nubile, gyrate on my lap and press her breasts against my face awakens an urge to break into a canned stand-up routine—”So a man walks into a bar holding a frog … .”

By “funny,” I mean awkward, as in I’m not exactly sure how to behave when a strange woman straddles me for cash.

For some guys, their primal instincts take over. They relax and look the dancer in the eyes with a boozy, mildly-retarded stare. They place their cupped and clammy hands centimeters from the dancer’s ass, hoping for an incidental and indecent brush with flesh, a swipe that eludes the hawkish glare of the bouncer. Some guys may even try monosyllabic forms of communication between staccato breaths—“Yeah, babe. Work it. Shake that shit.”

I, on the other hand, morph into a paralytic pile of anxiety and embarrassment when getting a lap dance. I’m humiliated by the fact that this woman is being paid to feign interest in me—if they even bother to feign it—only for the duration of Aerosmith’s “Angel.”

I also become hyper-conscious of the power dynamic at work. On one hand, the dancer is being paid for a service, which makes her in some way indentured to the man. And there’s always the arguable point that it objectifies and denigrates the woman, thus giving the man the upper hand.

However, like an actress, the dancer only has to play the role of temptress for a limited amount of time. And while the male is clearly attracted to her and contriving absurd scenarios where the dancer might actually sleep with him, the female is dividing numbers in her head—“Forty dollars for four minutes is ten bucks a minute, which makes six cents a second to sit on this chump’s lap.”

The whole act of getting a lap dance reminds me of a time in college, when I’d spend entire nights hanging out at the campus watering holes, trying to gather the beer-fueled courage to approach a pretty coed. And when I’d finally gather the gumption to approach a girl, my friend Pee Wee would routinely say to me: “Don’t bother, dude. That girl wouldn’t stop to piss on your head if your hair was on fire.”

So whenever a stripper hops on my lap, I hear Pee Wee’s voice, rising above the electric guitars of yet-another Motley Crue song, resounding like a mantra, again and again and again.

♦◊♦
The last time I had a lap dance was nearly seven years ago at my friend Todd’s bachelor party in Boston. Like any red-blooded American males, we wanted to celebrate Todd’s final night of perceived freedom by drinking dangerous quantities of hard liquor at a strip club where impeccable women spun naked on poles as we threw dollar bills at them.

As the night wore on, Todd’s Best Man began buying lap dances for all of us. Initially, I tried to duck away, ashamed to explain my weird anxiety about lap dances and the “funny” that it provoked. But, eventually, I ran out places to hide, and The best man, a short Italian guy who had graduated from The Tony Soprano School of Male Etiquette, found me.

“Pick a girl, any one,” The best man said, draping a heavy arm around my shoulder. “It’s on me.”

Rather than risk being rude—and possibly whacked—I pointed to a petite brunette in a sexy black sequined gown.

“Done and done,” The best man said, then disappeared.

After ten minutes of trying to fortify myself with tequila shots, I felt a tap on my shoulder. When I turned around, the brunette in the black gown was standing in front of me. Without a word, she took my hand and led me to a plush couch.

While I can’t remember the song that was playing, I remember pathetically trying to play psychologist with her. “So what are you thinking?” I asked as the girl shed the gown and disrobed down to her g-string.

Then I remember her taking pity on me. “You’re not enjoying this, are you?” she said with an intonation that suggested I didn’t “enjoy” women.

“No, no,” I said, defensively, “it’s just that, you know, I feel … funny.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, slowing undulating on my lap.

“If my hair was on fire, would you stop to piss on my head?”

The dancer smiled—as if she’d heard this all before—and for the first—and likely the last time—I received a lap dance, I relaxed. “Yes,” she said. “I would piss on your head, and I might even run for a bucket of water.”

“Thank you,” I said, unburdened and giving her my boozy, mildly-retarded stare. “Now work it, babe.”

 

Read more on Sex & RelationshipsHow to Receive a Blowjob Respectfully

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About Nathan Graziano

Nathan Graziano lives in Manchester, New Hampshire. He is the author of three collections of poetry---Not So Profound (Green Bean Press, 2003), Teaching Metaphors (Sunnyoutside Press, 2007) and After the Honeymoon (Sunnyoutside Press, 2009)—a collection of short stories, Frostbite (GBP, 2002), and several chapbooks of fiction and poetry. A chapbook of short prose pieces titled Hangover Breakfasts was recently published by Bottle of Smoke Press this fall. For more information, visit his website at NathanGraziano,com.

Comments

  1. Nailed it buddy. I feel the exact same way about lapdances. I would rather watch a sexy woman dance erotically on stage from a distance than have her on top of me. Lapdances just don’t do it for me.

  2. Not all women give lap dances because they’re “paid to feign interest”. Some women–and I’m not speaking *for*, just from the women that I know–love giving lap dances and grinding. It’s how some people get down–hell, I give lap dances all the time. In the case of this stripper at your friend’s party–she’s a pro, that’s her job.

    I totally understand the questioning of power dynamics or objectivity, but at the end of the day us (men) feeling anxious to receive a lap dance because of some inner guilt won’t get us anywhere. Sure, we have to take into account this particular stripper’s life and resources and self-esteem and yada yada, but at the end of the day she chose stripping instead of or in addition to a normal 9-5.

    I say let her (the stripper) make her money–she’s a pro. For any other person that chooses to grind on another–if that’s his or her choice, don’t feel guilty about it. If you’re anxious for reasons other than guilt–e.g. you can’t dance or have no rythem–then that’s a whole other story.

  3. The simple solution here is to not go to strip clubs. That’s pretty easy to figure out. Also, how marrying the man or woman you love the death of your freedom? If that’s how my future husband (should i choose to marry) felt about marriage i would 1) NOT marry him and 2) dump him. Just saiyan.

    • @Atypical *standing ovation* for your last sentence.

    • Agree.

      I could never understand the concept of a Bachelor party..or Bachelorette party. Just dirty hedonistic fun I suppose.

      A bunch of strippers and whores to “celebrate” your new beginning with your wife. Sounds like a good way to start off a marriage.

      • Agreed. My husband and I talked about having a bachelor party, but it wasn’t as high a priority—we were already borrowing more than we’d ever taken out to put on the reception—and it seemed silly to have one, and even more unlike us to have two. Instead, we spent the night before our wedding most characteristically: putting the final touches on our wedding attire and decorations, and preparing food for the reception. I am glad I have those memories instead of something awkward and regrettable to mark the beginning of our married lives together.

    • John Anderson says:

      Bachelor parties are not about the bachelor. I’ve gone to many bachelor parties that were house parties. They’re much raunchier than bar parties. At one such party, the entertainer brought a condom with her. There was a raffle and the winner got to go into a bedroom with her and use it. Some of the married guys bought a ticket and gave it to one of the single guys. For a lot of guys, it’s about celebration and male bonding. That might be why I’ve never seen a groom actually enjoying his party. One guy, who used to drink like a fish got himself intentionally drunk so he wouldn’t have to stay for the entertainment. His best man was his brother. He had to take him home so we lost the best man too.

      You’d be surprised how many men feel awkward about it. I’ve stood in for a groom (drunk), a best man (too ashamed), and another best man (too married). The married guys tend to stand in the background with the more bashful men. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. It’s more about a man’s friends than it is about the bachelor. You probably need to worry about his friends more than him. There was one future bride who threatened not to marry her husband if I had anything to do with planning the bachelor party.

    • @Atypical
      “The simple solution here is to not go to strip clubs. That’s pretty easy to figure out. Also, how marrying the man or woman you love the death of your freedom? If that’s how my future husband (should i choose to marry) felt about marriage i would 1) NOT marry him and 2) dump him. Just saiyan.”

      So you’d dump him for being honest ?
      There are pros and cons with everything in life including marriage.

  4. Nate Graziano says:

    I definitely hear you, Kaleb. It’s a good point. And I think you have me pegged: I have no rhythm and no game, along with being a poster model for Xanax. It’s probably best I stay away.

    As far as “the death of freedom,” that’s not what I wrote. I wrote “the end of his perceived freedom,” and was trying to play off an old trope of marriage as the end of a man’s bachelorhood, thus freedom. It was a joke, thus “perceived freedom.” But maybe the tone didn’t come through. The whole thing was intended to be tongue-in-cheek.

    • @Nate Thanks. And I totally do get the uneasiness about the subject, especially when you’re trying to take into account “This comes off as objectification–do I feel comfortable with this?” Every man in your position has the right to ask themselves this question and to act accordingly. However, as men interacting with women who are doing the grinding and lap dancing, we have to be careful to understand that this is probably a choice they’re making. Some women don’t dance like this because of how it makes them feel–that’s their own choice and more power to them. Some women love to get down–more power to them.

      The point I’m trying to make (and this is not a direct counter to anything you brought up so I don’t want you to feel attacked) is that we all have to respect the decisions people make. If a woman wants to grind and/or get paid to do so and a man wants to partake in that after the offer (however that looks) then we have a perfect situation.

      Sometimes it feels good to be objectified–and that’s coming from personal experience.

      • Nate Graziano says:

        I agree with you 100%, Kaleb. In fact, I see no problem with adults making adult decisions in the interactions of enticing, teasing, or sex for money. Nor would I ever take a moral high ground on the issue. I’m fine with it. At least in strip clubs, the women are protected by bouncers, and that should always be the case when there’s an exchange of the kind.

        And. sure, there’s nothing with being objectified if you’re cool with being objectified. I can understand how that could feel good.

  5. Hello. I’m one of those “dancers” and “whores” Jules was casually referencing. Big fan of this site. Not such a big fan of reading commentary on the industry because it’s full of generalizations. One step at a time, though.
    The key to receiving a private/couch/”lap”dance is to RELAX! :-) You’re obviously aware she can tell you’re uncomfortable as she suggested you probably weren’t enjoying yourself. This could be reading your body language or your facial expression, or even the fact that you’re trying to play “psychologist” with her. Pro tip: You’re not our psychologist, and chances are, that’s not a fantasy we’re having in that moment, either, so please refrain. Our job is not to “get you off,” or to make sure you become aroused. Most men are embarrassed by their erections while receiving a dance, as they try to “hide” them, or apologize for them. Are you trying to “get off” by dancing with a woman at a night club? If you answered “yes,” you may be the same guy going commando in basketball shorts at the strip club- the guy the dancers avoid and warn other dancers to avoid or be careful if giving a dance.
    Don’t worry about our self-esteem. We’re women. It’s no more damaged than your constantly-dieting girlfriend who would “kill you” if she knew you were seeing naked women for fun.
    I can’t speak for all dancers, of course, but I can reassure you, there are some of us who do enjoy dancing. My job is to get made up and feel sexy while entertaining a crowd. I was in dance classes growing up, and since I love expressing sensuality, it makes sense for me to have a job in this industry. On an even deeper personal note, I’m asexual and celibate, so for me, my job is emotionally and spiritually beneficial since I can feel beautiful and sexy without actually going through the awkward motions of having sex with someone, or even dating. I get to know different types of people from various backgrounds, and travel if I desire. I can pack a bag and virtually work anywhere in the country with the negligent “hassle” of obtaining a business license in whichever specific city.
    I won’t lie and say I never feel objectified by working at a strip club, but I will say that media and various forms of entertainment don’t help. Obviously, these portrayals only hurt because it’s always a negative image shrouded in pain, suffering, drugs, and laden with abuse.
    If you don’t enjoy dances, you don’t have to get one. If you succumb to peer pressure, that’s your problem, don’t berate the dancer who just got paid up front to dance for you. If you don’t enjoy strip clubs, don’t go. I tell women the same thing. If you don’t want to be there, we don’t want you to be there. We want you to have fun with us and enjoy yourself! Relax, unwind, and take it easy while you’re with us. That’s all we can ask :-)

    • Nate Graziano says:

      Please don’t feel feel like this is an indictment on what you do or the industry. I have no problem with it. As I said in my comment to Kaleb, any adult/adult exchange is their perogative. And as long as the women are safe—and with bouncers in the room, they are—then I say, Have a blast! Women dancing for men goes back thousands of years, i.e. Salome and the Dance of the Seven Veils. Of course, it got John the Baptist decapitated, but it’s a story. The article was meant to be somewhat self-deprecating. My problem is that I can’t relax because the women intimidate me. I guess that makes me a bit of a wimp. I’m not trying to psycho-analyze anyone. I’m a neurotic writer. If anyone needs help, it’s me.

      I hope you don’t take it like I was chastizing you. I, personally, don’t go to stripclubs because I feel awkward. As a younger man, I would go with friends, but for the same reasons you listed: to relax and unwind. I just never seemed to get comfortable with it, so I stopped. More importantly, the beers are too expensive, and I’m a man with a healthy thirst!

      Thanks for the comment. It ws very insightful.

      • I appreciate the replies! All of the stereotype scenarios don’t necessarily pertain to me, personally, however, the overall generalizations include myself and friends who I have grown close with over the past 8 years, so there’s a minor desire to speak up when the opportunity presents itself.
        The ironic part is, as awkward you are in the establishment, there are plenty of dancers who feel just as awkward. We are nerds just like everyone else- writers, Trekkies, gamers (tabletop and video), students getting MA’s, medical students, Star Wars fanatics (the entire 1970′s rare toy collection in the garage), musicians, Cthulhu/Whovians, I mean, you name it. The majority of the clientele who go in are there for birthday/bachelor parties, lonely travelers, or lonely older men who want some company and have no qualms about paying for it.
        I wasn’t offended by your article, so I hope my response didn’t come off as too defensive, it was more cheeky than anything else. If there is ever an exotic beer and fine wine strip club, I will have to personally send you the invite. (I’m going to add ‘LOL’) ;)
        Love this site!

        • Nate Graziano says:

          Now, if a dancer started talking to me about Star Wars while dancing for me, I would immediately relax. We could pretend we’re on Dagobah, possibly play the Cantina music. I’m not being facetious either. If there is ever that beer and wine strip club, I hope it has a Star Wars theme, and I’ll take you up on that invite!

    • @ A Dancer..

      Well, I guess you’re simply doing your job. A job you obviously enjoy. For the men I suppose it is entertainment.

      I do not like strip clubs. Nor do I care for the whole idea of a “Gentlemen’s Club” But, I live in America and we are all free to choose. And freedom does work! To each his own. Hence, I do not frequent strip clubs.

      The last time I attended a strip club was in 1997. It was in Washington DC (Good Guys). My Japanese friends wanted to go. The whole thing just struck me as pathetic. These guys sitting around giving money to women just to dance naked. I only enjoy women dancing naked in my home or her place. The women are the ones I am dating/fucking. I enjoy them on a personal level. They are not strangers who must be paid… or whatever. The men looked like losers in this club.

      The strange thing about strip clubs is the whole aura is about sex and sensuality. But their is no sex going on in the place (unless it is a brothel disguised as a strip club). So, these guys are paying for what? A naked woman to dance in front of them? Just go get a girlfriend and see if she is willing to dance.

      I met a young woman two weeks ago who teaches pole dancing. According to her, the #1 thing that people are having done to their homes: adding poles! The women are trying to keep their men out of strip clubs. Not sure how true that is.

      However, I simply cannot grasp why a man who is about to consummate a holy union with a woman would want to do a Bachelor Party. I am not trying to be high minded or self righteous. But, it is something I cannot grasp.

      Just saying.

  6. I’m lucky enough to have found a man who wants to puke on strip clubs as much as i do. I guess we’re both “atypical.” People (women) LIKE to be objectified??? Glad my mother left that lesson out when she raised me. Yikes.

  7. I’ve been to a strip club a couple of times to recruit the women for an investment club. Other than that, fake foreplay does nothing for me besides irritate me.

  8. I went to a lapdancing club once, as one stop on a roving bachelor party. It was interesting, and more fun than I’d feared – the girls were all very friendly, and some of the pole dancers were extremely good – but the fundamental exploitativeness of it all still shone through.

    And when I say that, I’m not talking about the *girls* being exploited. If they took home even 10% of the price of each dance they’d be doing okay. But the whole operation is just a way of hoovering money out of men in exchange for… well, what exactly? What’s the appeal of being that close to a sexy, squirming nearly-naked girl you’re not allowed to touch? Does someone who actually ENJOYS being lapdanced want to chime in and explain? Because I just don’t get it.

    It was an experience worth having had, but not one I’ll repeat. In a strange way, I found myself in an analogous situation to the complaint women sometimes make about ordinary nightclubs: I’d be sitting watching the show, chatting to my friends, and every few minutes members of the opposite sex would come over and join in the conversation – perfectly pleasantly, but with the clear understanding that they were Only After One Thing (and it wasn’t my witty repartee).

    • John Anderson says:

      “Does someone who actually ENJOYS being lapdanced want to chime in and explain? Because I just don’t get it.”

      How old are you and how much experience have you had? I can’t remember the details, but once in grade school the boys and girls had gym at the same time. We used a classroom to change and the girls were allowed to change first while the boys waited outside. There was glass above the door. It must have been a funny sight watching us jumping up and down to try and peek over the door.

      I remember a girl betting me I couldn’t curl 100 pounds. I remember feeling tender in my arms for a few days after that. It made it hard to collect on the bet, but never bet against a teenage boy when sex is on the line. :) Thinking back to when I was young. It was about seeing nude women in 3D. You didn’t need to put in the work of trying to get a girlfriend or trying to get her to agree to it. You didn’t have to suffer the frustrations of having her say no. You also had the opportunity to see a lot of different women.

  9. John Anderson says:

    I’ve been to a few strip clubs in my life. I first started going because I thought it was what I was supposed to do. Then it became more tradition. We would go once a year or two. As more guys got married, we’d go less often. I haven’t been to one in a few years. I remember being into the strippers for the first hour or so and then just wanted to hang out and talk with my friends. I’ve never had to approach a stripper for a lap dance, but have had to turn down some offers.

    One of the clubs we go to have a $20 cover, but it’s all you can eat and all you can drink. In addition to the normal bar food, which is always out, you can order burgers and fries or Polishes, etc. from the waitresses. You can tell what the draw is for us. I turned down a lap dance there and had a dancer question my sexuality, but I especially don’t want to be bothered when I’m eating.

    Strip clubs are like going to the movies (or a restaurant) except that you can talk with your friends. I can take them or leave them. I think when you’re younger and haven’t seen it (or touched it in the case of some “full contact” clubs I’ve been too), it’s a bigger deal, but after you’ve had some experience, it wears off pretty quick.

    I don’t know about the ethics and power dynamics of strip clubs. The only stripper I met was the daughter of a woman my oldest brother was dating. She had a daughter to support and no real skills. She also had a substance abuse problem. She lost custody of her daughter for a time because of it. I don’t know if it was related to the job, but I’ve read that some women have turned to drugs or alcohol to deal with the job. It’s could be just as likely that they took the job to support the addiction.

    • John, why are men only able to bond when they visit strip clubs? What is it about going to a place with naked women that enables men bond with one another?

      I have to admit, this is a big depressing and threatening to me. That men can only feel good among each other if they are objectfying other women in the process..that’s how it seems to me at least.

      I also don’t understand why so many men like celebrating their marriage or the marriage of a friend by spending the time with other beautiful young naked women. I think it’s kind of like a punch in the stomach or a slap in the face to the woman a man is going to marry. Of course, I often hear guys say “it’s just once in awhile”. And I guess it is until another guy is getting married and all the guys recollect once again to step out on their female partners for an ight of enjoyment with other women.

      I don’t think strippers are awful people at all. I don’t think men that got to strip clubs are awful people. But I do think that a lo of men don’t think about their female partners enough and seem to be more eager to save face and bond with their male friends then respect their relationships with their women. It’s kind of a slap in the face when your the woman waiting at home while you know your guy is oggling and watching 18 year old strippers gyrate around. And yes, i’s threatening. While I don’t think most men leave their partners for strippers, the fact that he is going in the first place is enough.

      I wish men were happy with what they have at home. I think I am expecting too much though for men to feel good and happy with what they have in a singular partner when there is so many other oppurtunties and outlets for men to enjoy with other beautiful sexual women. I don’t know if I believe anymore that men are loyal and maybe women just need to accept this and accept that they will always be second place to the “new” visual another woman presents. Of course, until that woman gets old and he needs another “new” visual.

      • I don’t think it’s fair to say that men go to the strip clubs with this idea of “Oh yay, I get to objectify me some womens with no consequences.” The objectification is not the draw, nor the primary reason they’re there. And it’s not the objectification that bonds them.

        The draw, and the reason this is a bonding thing for them, is that the strip club environment is designed with the men’s desires in mind. No feminist agenda. No being told how to behave (aside from the club’s rules), no being shamed for giving these women sexual attention or for wanting sexual attention back. Out in the real world, they get pummeled with the message that male sexuality is insatiable and dangerous, they should be ashamed of themselves for it, and they must police their actions around women at all times if they don’t want to be labeled as misogynistic creeps (or worse, falsely accused of wrongdoing) just for letting their gaze linger too long on a nice pair of boobs.

        In the strip club? The women are eager to please. They don’t put up so many barriers to sexual attention – they invite it. Here it is safe to be a sexual man, to ogle and gawk and comment and catcall, without fear or shame. You’d think that men who go to these places do it for greedy, selfish, objectifying reasons – “Here’s my chance to treat women how I *really* want to treat them.” I’m sure some men probably have this attitude. But I get the impression that for a lot of men, it’s more about relief and relaxation in an inviting, nonjudgmental environment, than it is about intentionally breaking the rules of how they’re supposed to behave because they secretly want to break those rules all the time.

        I think the stigma we still have around sex gives us this idea that the sexual appetite is dirty and wrong, and any act/profession/image etc. meant to satisfy that appetite, outside the bonds of a committed relationship, is also dirty and wrong. But, as has been written here before, it’s an appetite just like any other. It’s like having a sweet tooth – you know that if you indulge this appetite too much and too often, it will not turn out well for you. But every now and then you have to cave and order that molten chocolate lava cake. There’s an appetite for it that demands satisfaction – no, you won’t die if you don’t get to eat that cake, but it sure will make you feel oh-so-good for just a fleeting moment, right? And it doesn’t make you a bad person to eat your cake and satisfy that craving every once in a while, especially if you are otherwise vigilant about keeping your sweet tooth in check. What’s more, society understands the sweet tooth and provides an abundance of options for satisfying it. You’re not judged for wanting sugar, that’s totally normal!

        It’s only because we view the sexual appetite as dirty and wrong that seeking to satisfy it is also considered dirty and wrong. I don’t see much difference between occasionally breaking the rules of your diet for some sweet, sweet cake, and occasionally breaking out of the restrictive rules of ideal and equal gender relations for some sexy, sexy ladies.

      • John, why are men only able to bond when they visit strip clubs?
        It’s not. Men can bond in lots of different places. Hardware shops, bars, game halls, each other’s houses, etc… It’s just that strip clubs have the pleasure of being presumed to be an inherent threat.

        What is it about going to a place with naked women that enables men bond with one another?
        This relates to the idea that men as a whole are visual creatures and that sexual thoughts and situations are relaxing.

        I have to admit, this is a big depressing and threatening to me. That men can only feel good among each other if they are objectfying other women in the process..that’s how it seems to me at least.
        Even if you think that going to a strip club inherently means women are being objectified it is by no means the only way we can feel good among each other. Look at sports. Sure you can try to say that when it comes to pro basketball and pro football it’s not about the sport but about the cheerleader (but I hope you wouldn’t, that would be wrong) but how would that explain men taking other sports like baseball and hockey to the level of obsession?

        I also don’t understand why so many men like celebrating their marriage or the marriage of a friend by spending the time with other beautiful young naked women. I think it’s kind of like a punch in the stomach or a slap in the face to the woman a man is going to marry. Of course, I often hear guys say “it’s just once in awhile”. And I guess it is until another guy is getting married and all the guys recollect once again to step out on their female partners for an ight of enjoyment with other women.
        Part of the reason so many men are into it is because it is a part of how the gender roles are set up. Truthfully I think the bit about guys getting together for a run to the strip club when one of their boys is about to get married is on a decline.

        I wish men were happy with what they have at home.
        What makes you think that going to a strip club means that they are not happy with who they have at home?

        I don’t know if I believe anymore that men are loyal and maybe women just need to accept this and accept that they will always be second place to the “new” visual another woman presents. Of course, until that woman gets old and he needs another “new” visual.
        An interesting thought. I wonder if there is any data on rates of infedelity. Are people cheating less now than they were in the past?

        Although I do notice that you question the loyalty of men. But I wonder short of men as a collective just stop going to strip clubs is there anything that would ease your fears about it.

  10. Bachelor(ette) parties are just simply rituals for people to say farewell to friends as they transition into another phase of life [single to married] and should be treated as such.

    For the strip clubs, it should be viewed in a context of balance. Just like how love is more meaningful after many breakups and soul searching, this one last bit of emotional infidelity reaffirms the commitment to marriage (or allows them to flee from it before the actual wedding).

    As for all the borderline insulting comments about strippers and their clients, they are not victims, they are people. Strippers dont need you to judge or save them from doing a job. While some might be the stereotype with issues, by virtue of it being a job, those strippers get fired.
    While clients are all different, it’s meant to be relaxing vacation from society, not having to be “on” all the time and worrying about societal cues and manners. There is only one rule, dont touch.

    • @DCPrin…

      “to say farewell to friends as they transition into another phase of life [single to married]”

      “this one last bit of emotional infidelity reaffirms the commitment to marriage (or allows them to flee from it before the actual wedding).”

      Talk about mindfucking oneself…

      To each his own.

      Life is Good!

  11. Strip clubs and profession lap dancing is for those men who are able to separate exploitative intimacy from true intimacy. It’s similar to the way one treats their waiter during a restaurant meal, whether you behave as though you own them for the duration of your meal or respect them as doing their job. Sexual industry jobs are more complicated. But it takes a certain kind of bold disconnect to drop your daughter off at school and then later that night have a woman not much older grind on your boner. I personally choose not to.

    • It’s funny that you bring up these associations with other intimate services we have no problem paying people—almost always women—to do. Take care of our children: wipe their noses, teach them algebra. Take care of us when we’re sick: nurse us, massage us. Cook for us, clean up our houses. And yes, grind on our boners. Whatever the law allows for , and more: whatever there’s a demand for, and someone willing to do it for the money. Are there things we shouldn’t be paying people to do for us because they’re too intimate? What could be more intimate than intensive nursing care? Or taking care of your baby all day while you work? I’m not saying we shouldn’t have restaurants, day cares, and nursing homes. I’m saying that there are also demands for sexual services, and huge markets, and that we treat them as vastly different, even though these other relationships are also physically intimate and inherently risky, emotionally and otherwise. We could train and license, or we could pretend that since no one “should” be offering or seeking these services, that these would not greatly benefit the community.

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