Andrew Tolve explores the hidden world of hidden proposal photographers.
The morning Victor Paras planned to propose to his girlfriend in Santa Barbara, a heavy fog rolled off the Pacific and whitened out everything on the coast.
To make matters worse, Paras’s cousin, who had gotten married the night before and planned to pass on the torch by writing “Will You Marry Me?” on the beach, overslept.
Thankfully Paras had two wingmen to help him out—a hidden photographer and his assistant who assured Paras over the phone that fog or no fog, the moment would be special.
When it became apparent the cousin was a no-show, the assistant snuck down onto the beach and scratched the words into the sand herself.
“Even though nothing went as planned, they still made it look amazing,” Paras said, adding that when his girlfriend figured out the message was for her, she broke down and said yes.
Paras is one of many grooms-to-be benefiting from the aid of hidden proposal photographers. The explosion of social sites like Facebook and Flickr, combined with super-zoom lenses, has turned hidden proposal photography into a bustling side business for wedding photographers. Most don’t advertise the service on their websites but happily agree to camp out paparazzi-style on a guy’s behalf.
Terry Gruber, a New York-based photographer, is one of the premier proposal photographers in the country. He’s been featured in The New York Times and Modern Bride and has orchestrated shoots in Central Park, on the stairs of the Met, at the Top of the Rock, and other iconic spots in Manhattan.
Often he masquerades as a tourist or sets up fake model shoots to deflect attention from his monopod and 300-millimeter zoom lens.
“It’s a little nerve-wracking because you feel very invested in the moment,” he said. “If you should blow it, there are no second chances.”
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Gruber charges $750 for an hour-and-half shoot, which includes pictures of the whole proposal story from the lead-in to the knee to the ring to the walk off. Sometimes he presents himself at the end and takes formal engagement photos on the spot.
Other times fiancés choose to keep the photos a surprise for a future birthday, anniversary, or rehearsal dinner.
“It’s usually a woman that’s the client in our industry, the mothers of the brides or the brides themselves that call all the shots,” Gruber said. “This is the one time that the grooms have empowered themselves. Therefore, it feels like really good work, and it’s exciting.”
I asked Gruber if he’d ever witnessed a rejection or a proposal that’s gone significantly off-script, and he said he hadn’t, that any guy who’s confident enough to hire a professional photographer knows he’s got a yes coming.
Still I couldn’t help but reflect on my own proposal, which I wrote about in my previous post. I was certain of a yes going in and instead ended up in a nightmare. Imagine if there had been a guy hiding in the trees capturing close-ups of our faces as it unfolded.
Gruber said that in fact one of the most valuable services he provides isn’t photographs—it’s moral support. “For those couple of weeks and then especially for that hour when it happens,” he said, “you’re that groom’s best friend, and you’ve got to do him a world of good and take care of him.”
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Heidi Borgia, a professional photographer who has shot dozens of proposals in Carmel, California, echoed that sentiment. Borgia’s husband runs a company called Romantic Room Designs that sets up planned proposals on Carmel Beach—a bonfire, a message in a bottle, and bubbly all included.
The guy leads the girl over to the fire like it’s serendipitous, while Borgia hides in the bushes up on the cliffs and captures the whole thing.
“From the outset, I tell the guys to take a deep breath, you’ll get through this,” Borgia said. “We really help transfer a lot of their anxiety. They’re the rock stars because they get to share this story with all their friends and family and they have photographs to show it.”
Borgia charges between $175 and $300 for photographs and averages three or four proposals a month. One of those proposals belonged to my brother, who several years ago proposed on the beach at Point Lobos, then returned to a hotel room full of flowers and flickering candlelight.
As is the case with most of Borgia’s clients, she and my brother had never met before the proposal unfolded (they’d corresponded by email to arrange the shoot). I asked Borgia if it ever felt awkward to sit in on arguably the most private and personal moment of a stranger’s life.
“I don’t feel like I’m being intrusive,” she said. “I personally feel touched and honored that they’ve invited me to be a part of this moment, and thankfully with technology I’m a long ways away. Knowing that my work allows them to share this moment with their kids, their parents, and their grandkids some day makes it really special.”
Paras said from the guy’s perspective, he wasn’t even aware a photographer was there when it came time to propose.
“We were just concentrating on each other, no one else really mattered,” he said. “There were people on the beach, there were surfers, there was the photographer, but at that moment in time it was literally just the two of us.”
Have a funny, sad, or interesting story about shopping for a ring? Share it in a comment below or in the On One Knee facebook community. My next post will delve into the trials of picking out that perfect diamond.
Photos by Chaz Cruz.
The assistant’s name is Jacqueline Elizabeth. A wonderful person and a great photographer in her own right. I’m sure everyone was happy she was there. Great photos and wonderful memories for everyone involved.