Yes, we’re back. This week’s episode turns the conversation toward planking, Oedipus, Pope Benedict, and turtles.
Kevin Lincoln: Ryan, you seem pretty excited for our favorite pair of irreverent lawyers this week.
Ryan O’Hanlon: Well, you know, @FrankandBashTNT followed me on Twitter last week. Despite openly whoring myself out, they came calling. And they told me they loved me. I won’t say whether or not I’m making them a mix tape right now, but I am.
Kevin: Want to give us a taste of the track list?
Ryan: Basically, it just alternates between every Nickelback and Creed song ever written. Oh, and “I Love You Like a Love Song” starts and ends it. But that goes without saying.
Kevin: You know how to treat ‘em. Franklin vs. Franklin this week. It’s like Kramer vs. Kramer, except fewer Oscars.
Ryan: As of now, you mean.
Kevin: Good point. So, we’re finding out right now that Franklin’s a baseball fan. I’m surprised they didn’t choose basketball, considering the audience, but we’ll have to roll with it.
Ryan: I think they’re sending a message, actually. Basketball nerds, it’s time to move on, you freaks! The season is over. Go to the ballpark. If you have any spare change laying around, you’ll be able to get a seat.
Kevin: Only if someone bounds my hands and feet and doses me with ether. Just kidding! I’m going to a Yankees game in July, where I’ll pretend that Derek Jeter is Derrick Rose. Should work well. Oh, hey, Tom Arnold!
Ryan: It appears he’s some kind of reality show star, known as the “Douchey Dad.” There’s no irony there. None.
Kevin: Irony has never been the Frash (Branklin?) strong suit. What the hell is Tom Arnold wearing?
Kevin: “Dude, I’m lawyering.” Put that on a T-shirt.
Ryan: Cafepress, you’ll be hearing from us shortly.
Ryan: So, now in the case of the Kirk Gibson home run ball, Franklin’s dad (Beau Bridges) walks into the courtroom unexpectedly, serving as the counsel (I’ve got this lingo down) against Franklin and his client. Looks like someone’s got some daddy issues.
Kevin: Franklin’s dad looks like a toad wearing a power suit. I’m expecting knock-down drag-out hijinks here.
Ryan: Could we be on a path to something more serious here? Or is that a dumb question? Tom Arnold is in the episode, after all.
Kevin: I don’t know, it’s possible. I can feel the weight of impending seriousness, but I’ll believe it when it’s crushed me into flatbread. Franklin seems to be handling it well, which leads me to believe that hijinks are en route: the longer he spends straight-faced, the more extravagant the eventual outburst will be. And speaking of serious, serious lawyer just walked into the Bashelor pad!
Ryan: Looks like we’ve got an Anthony Weiner situation on our hands, which makes sense because this lawyer is kind of a dick. Ba! Dum! Cha!
Ryan: Is there anything about Anthony Weiner that hasn’t been overwritten or over-televised into a vomit-inducing cliché?
Kevin: I heard he had a really bad ice-cream date with the wifey this weekend. When a scandal’s ruined ice cream, it’s ruined everything.
Kevin: HA! REVEREND FRANKLIN. This judge is sharp.
Ryan: He just called baseball “America’s religion.” That’s something I’ve never heard before.
Kevin: I knew it! “What kind of man doesn’t know whether his favorite baseball team made the playoffs last year?” This appears to be a question made for us to answer.
Ryan: Beside someone who sues his father for a valuable baseball? Communists and immigrants.
Kevin: The blasphemers at the altar, to keep this metaphor going. But seriously, as a diehard fan myself, I’ve battled with this question before: should I receive more from my teams’ successes than the bandwagon jumpers? It’s not like I was out there. For example, when the drunks and bar crawlers whined about how much the U.S. sucked last Saturday, did they make you want to throw yourself through the nearest window?
Ryan: Yes, I am a soccer snob and I probably don’t respect your opinion unless I’ve played with you or follow you on Twitter. I know, I know. That’s an asshole-y thing to say, but it’s my cross to bear. The guys calling for Bob Bradley to pull Tim Howard out of the game at the beginning of the second half at the bar I was at didn’t help.
Ryan: They also didn’t quell my desire to burn a Mexican flag or un-learn Spanish, either.
Kevin: Nothing like the international games. Speaking of rivalries, we’re drawing on the sibling versions in Franklin & Bash right now. Brothers never get along! Oh, and to show how zeitgeist-y F&B is, they worked in turtles this episode.
Ryan: Turtles suck. Unless they know martial arts.
Ryan: But yes, Weiner and turtles. How long until they work in a Twitpic of Pope Benedict planking in the Sistine Chapel?
Kevin: Oh my god that would be transcendent. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Also, that State Farm commercial with the guy who bought the falcon? Hilarious. I hope that becomes an F&B mainstay, like F&B ads were in during the playoffs.
Ryan: Will falcon man then get his own show? I’ve always thought that late-night, off-cable, falconry niche has been calling out for something of quality.
Kevin: If the market craves it. Back to the show, in which I CAN’T BELIEVE THE OLD MAN JUST DIED OF A HEART ATTACK AND THEY’RE USING IT TO FURTHER THE ARGUMENT BETWEEN FRANKLIN AND HIS DAD.
Ryan: Franklin basically won the case, but then his client died of a heart attack, so the quarreling sons get the baseball. And now Papa Franklin thinks he’s won. This is clearly one of those things where the son has to murder the father in order to come to terms with the world, right? That’s something that would happen on this show.
Kevin: Franklin and Bash get Oedipal?
Ryan: Why not? But now the ball is missing! And young Franklin finds himself in a jail cell after his father accuses him of stealing it. The mysterious Eileen, the dead man’s daughter, admits to burying the Gibson ball with her deceased father. Hoping to bury the conflict along with it, I would assume.
Ryan: Also, no sex yet. This is weird.
Kevin: Yeah, this has been a conspicuously prude episode. What are the odds of an orgy at the end to right the scales? We’ll have to see. If Franklin and Eileen don’t hook up, I’ll watch Men of a Certain Age.
Ryan: If they don’t hook up, Tom Arnold wasn’t in Wild Hogs.
Ryan: Which, apparently, he wasn’t and which also happens to be the most interesting thing about the former Mr. Roseanne.
Kevin: Punch thrown in court! Now we’re back on track.
Ryan: By Tom Arnold, no less. They’ll need to drink about 400 beers each, though, to catch up with the past few episodes.
Kevin: They did set a fast pace. Well, they’re actually digging him up. Franklin’s dad is a bad dude.
Ryan: Dig ‘em up! Well, now we know Franklin’s got some emotional baggage to put right alongside Bash’s the-love-of-my-life-is-marrying-another-guy stuff. This is depth.
Kevin: Character development! One hallmark of a real television show. I’ve gotta say, this episode is a little more layered, a little more sophisticated, but also a lot less interesting. Though a masturbation video did manage to get sent to some circuit court judges.
Ryan: Yeah, I’m dozing off a bit. Even the sexy-time video cc’d to the judges was kind of boring. Karp (?) broke Pindar’s computer and walked out. No punches or racist comments?
Kevin: Just violence against machinery. Meanwhile, the way Tom Arnold gets to see his kids is by punching a guy in the face. American morality right there.
Kevin: Also, I’m thinking that crazy old guy’s more a J. Peterman type now.
Ryan: He’s kind of like a wily old benefactor who, instead of giving money, gives out jobs and fatherly vibes. If you could adopt someone without filing papers, I think that just happened as he told off Elder Franklin in front of Franklin the Younger.
Kevin: Seconded. Also, speaking of J. Peterman, George is guest-starring next week! Now I’m stoked.
Ryan: Already looking forward to next week? I think that’s fitting. We end this week with burgers between the bros (men?) at a diner. Is this a sign of maturity, the diner replacing the kegger as an analog for Frank and Bash’s shifting values? Wrap this up for me.
Kevin: This is the episode Franklin and Bash went domestic. Which means next week, we’re being set up for a home-wrecker.
Ryan: Jason Alexander will bring us back where we need to be? It’s a scary thought, relying on a dude who had a tail, the last time I saw him on TV.
Kevin: It’s going to be the summer of George, Ryan. The summer of George.
Ryan: I’m terrified.
Kevin: LAWYER UP.
Ryan O’Hanlon is the sports editor for the Good Men Project. He used to play soccer and go to college. He’s still trying to get over it. You can follow him on Twitter @rwohan.
—Photo via tvcalendar.org