Ah, Walter Young. The man with the highest Body Mass Index of any player in the history of Major League Baseball. Where is he now?
Meow: The Incredible True Story of America’s Fattest Cat
May 2, 2012 By 1 Comment
Oh, to be someone else. The Old Long Johnson cat, maybe. He got his fifteen minutes of fame and wasn’t borne to the ground by the crushing weight of his hideous, inexplicable adipose tissue in the process. Have you seen how I walk? How I play? I can’t even ascend the stairs, for crying out loud. I’m [...]
One More Medal for Scout
April 10, 2012 By 1 Comment
Bomb threats had been out of vogue for some time. Only minor thugs with bad imaginations – too many hours of Die Hard reruns and not enough love as a child – would stoop to something as pedestrian as “phoning in a blast.” Such enervated acts of terror were yawns, handled by a single old [...]
March Madness: The Fiction Special
April 1, 2012 By Leave a Comment
Carlton Suede is about to dunk the ball. Without an ounce of grace — his mutt of a mother used to call him “our clubfooted son” — he is rising through the lower ether. Above the marshmallow-thick white soles, higher than the tense, ribbed socks, surpassing even the shiny mesh culottes of his despairing opponents. [...]
American Reunion
March 28, 2012 By Leave a Comment
Ok, SPOILER ALERT! I just got to see a sneak preview the new American Reunion film and it was everything you’d expect from that hilarious crew of aging “teen” actors. If you’ve been surviving off the direct-to-video Band Camp films like me, then AR has arrived just in the (Saint) nick (IS IT ALREADY CHRISTMAS? [...]
Starbucks: They’re everywhere you want them to be
March 24, 2012 By 1 Comment
1. How absurd! This morning I rode to Starbucks on a horse painted peacock-blue, wearing naught but a boa constrictor coiled around my body, my long Lady Godiva hair obscuring my feminine signifiers. “I will have a grande chainsaw with extra porcupines!” I announced to the barista. Ω 2. Tough Luck Buddy I saw a [...]
Hardgaining 101: In pursuit of the ripped 220
February 21, 2012 By 3 Comments
With the advent of springtime, you guys should put down those video game controllers and Toblerones so that you can start working on the summer bod of your dreams. You’ve got only a few weeks to reach that long-coveted goal of a ripped 220-pound physique, which means you’ll have to “hardgain” the necessary weight and [...]
An ode to bulging biceps
February 20, 2012 By Leave a Comment
Hey dude, are you using that preacher bench? How many sets of curls do you have left? Three, huh? Hey, why don’t we call it one, and then you can go join that girl who has been reading Glamour magazine on the elliptical trainer for the last six hours. How does that sound? Look, I’m [...]
Susie Meister: Fame, dolphin tats, and the rules of the road
February 18, 2012 By 1 Comment
Pittsburgh — the little city that almost did and still might — has served as the launching pad for the careers of former Extreme Championship Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion Shane Douglas, comic book publisher Jim Shooter, retired federal judge Robert Bork, and the jam band Rusted Root. Susie Meister, a Pittsburgh native and multiple-time winner [...]
“It’s a woman’s job to make her man feel safe — a safe place that doesn’t expect him to do brave things just because he’s a man.”
This is a comment by Kat on the post “A Husband’s Job Is To Create Emotional Safety”.