This year, surprise your honey bunny with some sweet Valentine’s Day gifts from the innocent days of your youth. She’ll flip over these thoughtful and fun signs of your affection!
Note: these tips work equally well for LGBTTTQ couples, and any other grown-up lovers who want to go back to an age of innocence.
- A dead frog/worm. When I was a young lad, nothing disgusted or thrilled me quite as much as finding a dead thing on the ground, carefully scooping it up, and throwing it at a nearby girl. If cats can do it, why can’t we?
- Macaroni Art. This is kind of a lost artform, like finger-painting or breathing on Hypercolour t-shirts. Show your sweetie how much you care with a hand-made picture. Finally use up that half box of Primo pasta burning a hole in your kitchen cabinet.
- A fart. Fart in your hands, run up to your best girl, open your hands. She’ll think it’s a ring…but it isn’t! A nice fragrant surprise is always a romantic way to turn up the heat.
- A toy truck. Toy trucks are cool, and obviously you don’t want to give away an awesome Tonka truck. But she can play with it for a while. Sharing is caring.
- Pull her hair in class. If you are no longer in school, that doesn’t mean you still can’t sneak up behind your darling and give her ponytail a yank. Oh, she’ll act annoyed, but she knows what you’re really saying. You’re saying “I like you, but I want my friends to think I hate you because girls have cooties.” It’s clear as day!
- A mud pie. Cooking dinner is an intimate and romantic way to show affection, and it’s a great way to avoid crowded fancy restaurants. When I was a kid, I loved to try to make people eat mud, and I also loved eating pieces of grass. Combine your passions, and give your schnookums a pile of mud with grass on it. Recipe: 1 handful of mud, 1 bunch of grass. Add grass to mud. Allow to set for 1 minute. Serve cold. Serves 1.
- A dandelion bunch. You know those cute pictures of a little boy giving a little girl a handful of dandelions? Those pictures are so cute! If it was cute then, it’s probably still cute now. Plus, you save a bundle on flowers! Before you meet up with your lover tonight, grab some random weeds and hand them over shyly. Awwwwwww.
- Talk incessantly. Nobody is more interesting than little kids, and they love to tell you all about it! Remember when you could just natter on and on about butterflies and your parents had to listen? Why not try it now? Just blather on and on to your snugglebuns. They have to listen…they love you!
- A coupon for a chore. I used to make coupon books for my parents because it was super cute. Save some cash and give your booboobaba a coupon to stop leaving half-eaten pizza under the bed, or to put your beer cans in the recycling bin. She will be SO APPRECIATIVE she will forget all about leaving you for that witty architect she met at her friend Sharilyn’s party.
- Invite her to your birthday party. Invite your babers to your b-day. Not because your mom made you, but because you genuinely want her there. Sure, she may be an annoying girl, but it’s Valentine’s Day. It’s a day to think about your love, and show how much you really care.
P.S. I love you, L.
—Photo Rachel From Cupcakes Take The Cake/Flickr