Accept That He Cheated

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About Merissa Bury

Merissa Bury is a freelance writer with a BA in Psychology/English from Rutgers University. In a perfect combination of her interests, she created Modern Female Central, a 'feminist' blog dedicated to the emotional well-being of women In her spare time, she enjoys meditation and writing music.


  1. I like this…after being a serial cheater myself, in the first relationship I thought was going to be mongamous & exclusive (after I did “the work”), the guy cheated on me. It was so deeply hurtful to me. Part of my mind went immediately to “KARMA!” but after the initial shock and grief, I was able to see that cheating was just something he did. He didn’t do it TO ME. It was more about him than it was about me…just like my own repeated cheating had been about ME. Perhaps I wouldn’t have been able to see his behaviors so clearly if I hadn’t previously stood in his shoes.

  2. I wonder if the same could be said about a woman if she was the one caught cheating.

    A man caught cheating is just that, a cheater. But a woman caught cheating is a wh*re, sl*t, pr*stitute, loose, cheap, uncultured, bag of dirt and All those other derogatory terms which can be collected for women.

    Again, when a man cheats, society expects his woman to understand and stand by him. But when a woman cheats, the same society expects the man to ditch her because she’s no good.

    I don’t know, just random thoughts…o_O

    • This is interesting, because I’ve gained essentially the opposite perspective. That is, when a man cheats, it’s because he’s a dog who only thinks with his dick, but when a woman cheats, it’s because something was missing from the relationship.

      It sounds like we’re both a bit guilty of confirmation bias.

  3. I think its great these points have been made-its true, I’ve only addressed the negative stereotype of male cheaters, when in fact, men have equally negative stereotypes of female cheaters ie. sluts, whores, etc. But in accepting the reality of your partner’s choice may actually minimize these negative stereotypes for BOTH men & women-as this perception may render greater focus to the cheater’s own complex relationship to himself/herself and WHY they chose to be unfaithful. I think its this idea that we are somehow responsible or ‘wronged’ by a cheating partner that perpetuates such derogatory stereotypes in BOTH genders. But yes, this article can definitely be applied to men experiencing female infidelity as well


  1. [...] over, including whether to remain in the relationship at all. (This piece appeared under the title Accept That He Cheated, at content partner The Good Men Project as part of elephant love and relationships and GMP joint [...]

  2. […] This article is also featured on the Elephant Journal and the Good Men Project […]

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