When I started school for massage therapy, it was a shock at first.
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I had received massages and been working in the wellness community for awhile already. I don’t consider myself a prude; I’m pretty comfortable with nudity. I’ve taken art classes with life models, and been one myself. But then, there’s a certain vulnerability that people offer up when receiving a massage that’s different somehow.
All of a sudden, I was on the receiving end of this trust and vulnerability; what I learned from it changed my life.
I’ve had the privilege of massaging far more than 50 people at this point, but each time it’s new. Each time, I feel honored to help my client move towards healing. Each time—it’s different. Some people are silent during a massage; others can’t stop talking in a nervous attempt to clothe themselves with something, even if only words.
Despite our obsession with sex, American culture doesn’t really encourage nakedness (physically or emotionally). And if all the pleasantries and social constructs we use weren’t bad enough, we add social media into the mix and distance each other even further. When we’re naked and silent, all of that falls away. What I learn from what a person tells me is miniscule compared to what I learn by feeling his skin, muscle and bone. By watching him move. By listening to his breath. By feeling his pulse.
So, in case you didn’t know:
1. Your body doesn’t lie. You might say, “I’m relaxed!” or, “That pressure is great, you can work deeper,” but your body may tell a very different story. What goes on in your muscles, with your breathing, with your pulse is the truest you: the you that even you might not know yet. It’s a good thing to get in touch with. You’d feel much better if you listened and let your words match up to what your body was saying.
2. When you stretch, you open up space. This is physically true, and emotionally true. When you physically stretch (or allow yourself to be stretched) you create space and allow for greater movement, greater vulnerability and more growth. It’s the same when you stretch yourself emotionally, too. Your physical and emotional selves aren’t separate––stretch one, and you usually stretch the other, too. It isn’t always comfortable at first, but it’s a wonderful thing. Surrender to it. You won’t regret it.
3. That thing you’re embarrassed about? That you don’t want anyone to see? That you tense up and hold your breath over? The part of you that you wish were different? It’s okay. Let go. Enjoy it. It’s part of what makes you so beautiful.
4. Everyone has body hair in various places and amounts. There’s no one right amount. It’s all good. Same goes for moles. Even models don’t look like they do in the pictures. Smooth and hairless is a Madison Avenue invention designed to create discontent (and sell grooming products).
5. Everything you’ve experienced is stored in your body at a cellular level. Each cell is a record of all of it. I’ve felt it in your skin. Being born. Being held. The time you fell off your bike and weren’t that hurt but very scared. That brutal sunburn on your shoulders at 14. The time you fell out of a tree and broke your collarbone. The first time you felt deeply loved. The person who hurt you so badly you thought you were broken for good. Your muscles remember it. They remember it like it happened 10 minutes ago.
Your successes hold your shoulders high. Your losses pull your chest inward. You hold your sadness in your throat, your anger in your jaw and your fear in your belly. Your happiness rises and falls in your chest. Love rolls in and out on the tides of your breath. It’s all there, all the time. {You can release the parts that hurt, if you want to. Yoga and massage are the best ways I’ve seen.}
6. Your weight is the least interesting thing about you. I promise.
7. Your skin, however, is fascinating. Every line, every freckle, every scar tells the amazing stories of your life. Please don’t Botox, bleach or sand it all away. They’re all beautiful.
8. Your body is a f*cking wonderland. You are amazing just as you are, right now.
Photo credit: D Sharon Pruitt
A friend shared this article with me three years ago when I was in the midst of massage school. I associated with a few of the ideas, but not all of them at the time. Here I am today, with my own practice and having worked on thousands of bodies over the years. I can safely say, I get it. How eloquently she words the connection between therapist and client. Energy can never be created nor destroyed. We store it up in our bodies, in our muscles, in our cells–and yes, after working on so many bodies, a therapist starts… Read more »
Uhh, so the first point was vaild and made sense… then we drove of a cliff of nonsensical horseshit. I saw #2, #3 and #4 and thought “okay fine, this is some hippy shit, but okay, we’re talking about body image and stretching, so I should expect some of this”. Then we got to #5. This is actually bullshit. This is 100% grade-A – “I-don’t-know-science” horseshit. Nothing is being stored in your body except your lunch, and even that is going to pass through you in like 30 minutes. Memories don’t get stored in muscle. They just don’t. When people… Read more »
This article really spoke to me on a couple of levels, especially number 5. About 10 years ago, I coincidentally had my first massage for pain from spinal problems and talked to a therapist for the first time about being sexually and emotionally abused as a child, something I’d never told anyone. The two experiences benefited from one another and became more than the sum of their parts. A massage is now a very emotionally strengthening therapy as well as a physical one. My body had become a physical embodiment of my inner struggle, as you suggest. A few years… Read more »
And this is the reason that I absolutely refuse to get a massage.
It kind of creeps me out to think my massage therapist might think like this…
Nice piece and this line “Everything you’ve experienced is stored in your body at a cellular level. Each cell is a record of all of it” make’s me wonder how unfathomable is the body. I agree with the statement..but cells are born, have duration, then die. I read somewhere every 6 months we actually [thus] have a new body. So where is this body memory stored? The hard drive of the soul? Where is the soul? Or maybe it’s a “Virtual Cloud” ; or is memory in our DNA (then do we pass this as ‘karma’ to our offspring?. Thanks
Smooth and hairless = sexy.
Chewbacca-like = not sexy
That’s a matter of opinion, I suppose. My husband is hirsute, and I love it. There’s something deeply sexy and manly about a man with a hairy chest. Hell, my husband’s back is furry, too – and I love it! (He hates it) Feels fabulous when we’re snuggled up. Plus, Chewbacca is flippin’ awesome.
Hell yeah, Chewbacca is awesome!
I tend to kind of bow out of the comment streams (as they often just turn into conversations amongst the commenters) but had to chime in on that. 🙂
Plus, I agree. At least *some* chest hair is preferable, in my opinion as a woman, not as a massage therapist.
Yes
Love this so much. I’ve always wondered laying there if my massage therapist is judging, comparing etc. I’m not shy naked but there’s something about laying there in front of someone that sees hundreds of bodies over a lifetime of work that leaves me slightly unsettled for the first 2 minutes. Great post~congrats
Jeez, lighten up. For #5 – It’s a massage, you didn’t spend lifetime trailing someone for their biography. #7 is absurd, every skin blemish is not – ‘beautiful.’
Wow! Beautiful. Thank you so much for this Kate!
If you thought about this article and had any opinion other than, “that’s beautiful, man” you put too much on it. If you considered what was being said by the author was anything other than “look into yourself and find your inner beauty and embrace it” you have a problem. It is your problem. You should seek help for it. This was an article about finding yourself, not the “over-sexualization of society”, or the “puritanization and the effects of American culture on all that is good in the world”. The world can have too much sex and too much puritanical… Read more »
You said it well, Bro…..
Thaddeus, you are free to take from this piece what you want. As others are free to do as well. I don’ t think we can deny that what we accept about our bodies is often directly correlated to the messages we recieve about them through society.
Based on your specific advice to Valter, about “other” people’s supposed “visceral reactions”, your comments are not rooted in objectivity and you prove to not be as “unconcerned” as you state.
I don’t want people to see me naked nor do i want to see people naked except my boyfriend. That’s just how i feel and i don’t think i should be judged for it. However, i am severely offended when people take their kids’ clothes off around me. And to clarify, i am FAR from being a prude.
Just curious, what do you think is so offensive about seeing a small child without clothes?
I think it stems from being the youngest and not being exposed to that. I dunno, i guess it’s because the kid isn’t getting a say in whether or not they are wearing clothes. Like say when people change a diaper in public. The kid can’t really say if it wants to be naked in public or not. Sure, they might grow up to be free with their bodies or…be like me and prefer to keep the nudity limited to showers and the bedroom when necessary. I also don’t buy into the whole “it’s a baby, they aren’t aware of… Read more »
I quite agree with Atypical. I work in preschool with small children myself and make sure to be respectful to their privacy and minimize the amount of nudity I need to see. I don’t know if others are more liberal with nudity here in Sweden, but I stick to my beliefs. I’m quite unhappy that there exists even naked photos and film from my childhood and I would never take any of my own children.
There! I found one person in this article who thinks alike. I would be only comfortable being naked and intimate with a person that i am in a relationship with. I do enjoy sex. And no, what i saw in porn never shaped my view on my girlfriend. I just want to keep it in my bedroom and keep my open / free body for one person. I don’t have a reason for that but i do know that I am far from being prudish. I completely second with Josh and atypical. I’ve never been grossed by seeing a mother… Read more »
Wonderful piece! I have been going for regular massage since before my 22nd birthday,and I cannot imagine what the past 25 years would have been like without it!
Two things in Kate’s article might explain the confusion of our modern societies with nudity and sexuality. As Kate states, “the body never lies” and “everything you have experienced is stored in your body and can be felt by others”. In our narcissistic cyber world we are em-bare-assed to be seen naked of our elaborate avatar personas and be experienced simply as normal human beings. It is not about being a prude, but more about being split from our natural state of being as Kate so eloquently says. Obsessing about sex is not the same as being sexual and probably… Read more »
Oh man JohnH, I love what you said. Every single thing. “Our narcissisctic cyber world”..being “em-bare-assed to be seen naked” vs the “avatar personas”. “Obsessing about sex” vs “being sexual” lacking “hoenst sexuality”. … “disembodied ‘obsession”…. this is pure genius.
I rarely smile, but this post left me with a huge grin on my face. Beautiful!
In my home country, Denmark, it has always been normal to be naked, and it has never been regarded as necessarily sexual. Women would sunbathe topless on beaches no matter their body shape or type. Everyone felt pretty comfortable in their own skin.
Unfortunately, this is gradually changing for the worse….
@dalsgaard: “Unfortunately, this is gradually changing for the worse….”
Do you mean that, even in Denmark, it’s happening a “puritanization”? 😯
Where sexuality is considered somehow “dirty”, and people is becoming self-conscious about their bodies?
Why, oh why we have to always import the worst from American culture…? 😉
“Why, oh why we have to always import the worst from American culture…?” You got it! We are still very free-spirited, but that is definitely declining…. Part of it is influence from American culture as you say, and how quickly that culture spreads now that the internet has come along. Kids running around naked at the beach during the summer has never been an issue either, but that is also less common now. I can see it clear as day when I go to the ocean every year. The other catalyst for this change, and I think that this is… Read more »
Hmmm…. I’m going to throw a wrench in the bike wheel and question how much of the shame we may see developing about people’s bodies has to really do with “puritanization”. It’s not like people are going to church more or are dressing more conserveatively or are talking about sex less. Infact, quite the opposite right? Sex is way more premissable culturally, people are going to church less and people are showing more skin. Even in America. So the “puritanization” idea doesn’t really seem to match with what is acutally happening in our culture. I actually think what we are… Read more »
@Rein: “Infact, quite the opposite right? Sex is way more premissable culturally” Not really. Nowadays, you can’t even say “Hey, that’s a hot chick!” without being accused of sexism, objetification and/or misoginy. As a matter of fact, the marketing of sexuality is on the rise ($$$), but the sexual freedom of people is somehow lesser. Of course, since you seem a bit of a prude 😉 you might find that sex is “always too much” around you. 🙄 @Erin: “Unfortunetly, it’s too bad that a little child can’t run around naked” It’s sad indeed. But who you have to thank… Read more »
Valter, I am honestly confused. Were you trying to personally insult me by making a guess about my supposed “prudism” and then trying to soften the blow with a cute little wink? All because I don’t completely agree with your concept of “prudism” in modern culture? I don’t understand why you would even make a personal characterization of me to begin with simply because I offered a differing perspective. It’s not even that I disagree with the idea that “prudism”, plays it’s part. I just don’t think it plays a part on what you suggested it does. There is no… Read more »
Erin, your long-winded reply is – IMHO – an evident emotional response. The more we react to something, the more we are at the emotional level (nothing bad in itself, of course; just reinforcing my first impression of your attitude). I didn’t mean “prude” as an offense; I said it in a joking tone (thus the winking smiley). And I don’t get why you were offended: if you are, fine, if you aren’t, shrug it off. The word in itself is nothing offensive. BTW, no prude ever admits being one; perhaps because admitting it, would mean acknowledging own bias… “But… Read more »
Valter, I really don’t know why you are being purposely degrading. All I did was disagree with your view point, respectfully, bringing up the points discussed, and you appear to have taken it so personally that it rendered you unable to talk about the actual topic and instead put your energies into making jabs that you are telling yourself is an appropriate way to talk to someone else. What’s up with that? My long-winded response is a testament to using a lot of words. Shocking I know! Something I’ve always done in all my writings. But your personal little jabs… Read more »
Loved this, well done Erin!
ditto Erin!
Valter, by condensing everything Erin said as ‘you’re over emotional about the topic,’ you’ve just tried to shut her in a typical fashion that women are on the receiving end of and then tell you that she was seeking approval when she explains her thoughts rationally. You can’t even be bothered to read her well written posts as dismiss her argument and herself because it was ‘long winded.’ You are displaying the behaviour that that many good men are seeking to get rid of; treating a woman and her argument as over sensitive, irrational and too long winded to actually… Read more »
Well said, Selina! Exactly what I thought when I read this conversation!
Lol what crap. Disagreed with you and all of the sudden they’re ‘a bit of a prude’. People have their own opinions about sex, just because someone disagrees with you doesn’t make them prudish, or the opposite. It’s absolutely stupid of anyone to call someone who has a slightly more conservative view of sex than them a prude. With some people it seems that if a person doesn’t support complete sexual openness and be ok with the sexually saturated society we live in then they’re ‘prudish’. It’s complete crap. I for one see nothing wrong with, for example, a father… Read more »
Debbie, Selina, Julie and Jamie..thank you. Selina, you said what I was thinking but much more articulately. Jamie, I agree with you as well. Valter and I have never engaged in a sexual relationship, we don’t even know each other in real life. There is absolutely no logical way for him to know the state of my sexuality or supposed prudishness. Even with the knowledge of what I shared here. Having views, as you pointed out, that don’t 100% support our sexually saturated culture, also doesn’t indicated prudishness. I totally support that point you made. It also doesn’t make sense… Read more »
“Nowadays, you can’t even say “Hey, that’s a hot chick!” without being accused of sexism, objectification and/or misogyny.” Wait, weren’t you the one saying emotional reactions are not to trust? Because really dude, you are being hysteric enough with this phrase. I could laugh at your face forever lol. 😀 “Alas, emotions and reality are, more often than not, distant relatives.” Okay, so you are just another “I don’t even know what emotions exactly are but I will say they are a bad thing” ignorant person. I’m not surprised. Now, why don’t you prove us emotions and reality are distant… Read more »
Hi Erin, I agree with you, and I would add that the sort of “sexuality” that saturates our culture is deeply shame based and profoundly body hating. Porn is about punishing and shaming the female body – and a very narrow, fascistic version of the female body. Men’s bodies are reduced to their penis which is presented as a weapon in most mainstream porn. Those narratives, values and frame permeate all of media culture. It’s the other side of puritanical shaming. You’re exactly right about little kids being made unsafe to run naked. Think too of teenaged girls. Is there… Read more »
This touched my heart. What a fantastic piece. Thank you Kate.
!
My man is covered in moles, which he hates. I love them 🙂 !
Thanks all!
BEAUTIFUL!!!
Thank you a lot! 🙂
I loved it, especially 6, 7 and 8.
But even more especially 5: the idea that someone, when touching me, is able to “read” who I am and what happened to me, is mind blowing. 😮
I shared this with my friends.
It’s a beautiful piece, as a Zone Therapist I can stand 100% behind this . 😀
It’s the truth in written form.
I agree. I wish more people could understand this.
This is a beautiful piece. Thank you for sharing it.