Denial is the first stage of grief.
I will not die
Why do you keep talking about this
Why do I keep listening to you, as if it mattered
It makes me feel sleepy
I will not die, and if I do I won’t know it
So why should I know it now
When I’m dead, I won’t know anything
And the path there will be fine as long as I keep my eyes closed
I will not die so quit wasting my time
There’s only so much left
I will not die
Today
Unless it’s my time to go
Will you hold my hand?
S.A.M. 1/15/06
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Image of holding the hand of a sick loved one courtesy of Shutterstock
About Steve Milan
I just had a quick reaction to the subtitle about denial being “the first stage” of grief.
The original “5 stages of grief” idea was not meant to be a list of discrete steps that a person is supposed to go through in that order. It was never mean to be like a 12-step program. They’re more like “aspects” of grief, warning people that there are many ways of experiencing grief and you may go from one to another and that’s totally okay and common. These five are the most common, and they most commonly happen in roughly that order, but beyond that it’s just an observation.
You may feel multiple parts at the same time. You may even go back and forth among different feelings, and that doesn’t mean you’re going backwards. You may go from denial to bargaining and back to denial and then skip over to anger. You might even skip one entirely, and that doesn’t necessarily mean you have unfinished business.
I think too many people have preconceived notions about exactly how grief is “supposed” to go that they can’t really grieve the way they need to.