I’m told happiness is a choice.
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Unfortunately we complicate our lives to the point of being unable to recognize happiness when it appears before our eyes.
So how to clear the slate? Here are 10 things you’ll need to give up in exchange for your happiness.
1. Give up caring what other people think of you. I know it seems counter intuitive as we humans are primal pack animals that don’t want to be cast from the village; but spending time worrying what others think, is a waste of energy. You’ll never please everyone and it’s none of your business what others think of you.
2. Give up trying to please everyone. Unless you’re living life to the beat of your own drum, your tribe won’t be able to find you. Be the best version of YOU you can be, and you’ll naturally attract in the people that are supposed to surround you.
3. Give up participating in gossip. 100% of the time, those sharing gossip with you will gossip about you. Believing gossip is like gambling everything on a horse sight unseen. It’s naive.
4. Quit worrying. Where thoughts go, energy flows. Worry is investing time and energy in something you don’t want to have happen. Learn to let go and trust.
5. Let go of insecurity. When we take ourselves too seriously, we think everyone else does too. There is one version of you on the planet. Be it, own it and quit worrying about it. No one really cares or watches you that closely.
6. Stop taking everything personally. Truth is, most people are too consumed with their own life to really consider what you’re doing. As my 1st boss said so well: “The world doesn’t revolve around you.” Most people’s reactions have nothing to do with you, so let it go.
7. Give up the past. We’ve all been hurt, we all had parents that made mistakes and we’ve all been through hell. You didn’t listen to your parents when you were younger, so why are you still listening to their voices in your head right now? Every experience in life has taught you something or made you stronger.
8. Give up spending money on what you don’t need in effort to buy happiness. Living simply allows the space for life to flow. We complicate our lives by spending too much money and filling our home with “things.” Less is truly more.
9. Give up anger. Anger burns a hole in the hand of the person still holding on to it. Move it out once and for all.
10. Give up control. Control is an illusion, as we live in an out of control world. Learn to embrace the new and welcome change; otherwise you’ll grow old through your own rigidity. Learn to let go.
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*This article was originally published on Daily Transformations and is being reprinted here with permission from the author.
Photo: vionthchandar / flickr
Great stuff. Thank you. But the essence of this can be summarised into single sentence. “GIVE UP YOUR EXPECTATIONS”.
for me i have found meaning, happiness, and purpose from studying the bible and applying bible principles,from teaching others about god’s kingdom and what it means for us, to learning to live simply (not living with greed) as was mentioned in this article, among many other things.. 2 timothy 3:16 says all scripture is inspired of god, and beneficial for teaching, for reproving, for setting things straight, for disciplining in righteousness, 17 so that the man of god be fully competent, completelly equipped for every good work. i just wanted to share that, hope i didnt offend anyone, just being… Read more »
It isn’t about happiness (which frankly too much emphasis is placed on ‘being happy’) but rather having a meaningful life that brings you happiness and joy. Happy is relative. Meaning is not. No one can be happy without having a meaningful life.
The list is all well and good but a more positive angle is what I’m working on. If I’m not doing these things what am I doing? How do is to some well worn behaviors and what do I put in their place?
Love it! I actually really like it whenever gmp posted positive things like this. Thank you!
Happiness and contentment are two different things. Everyone can find happiness in different ways and it’s different for all people. Introverted people will find happiness without others; extroverted people will find happiness with others. But this is over-simplistic as well, of course.
Don’t worry; be happy!
Absolutely perfect!
I take issue with #10. But mostly from a political stand point. I think people, individuals and the whole, would be happier if they realized how much control is available to us. We just must learn to engage politics properly. In the US it’s easy to become overwhelmed by the insanity at the level of the Federal Government, but it becomes much more manageable if one starts to focus on local government. I guess the phrase for this is “know when to choose your battles”.
I think giving up control is in reference to the things which you can’t control. Can you control the idiot who cuts you off in traffic? Can you control how a rotten boss treats you? Can you control the weather? I could go on and on, but you can let these things ruin your happiness, or you can choose to let these things go. Then there are things you can INFLUENCE but not directly control. I think politics, as you describe, falls under this category. But even when you do everything you can to influence, things often do not turn… Read more »
Really enjoyed reading this, it all seemed so clear and logical. I guess a lot of the rules (if not all of them) are a form of emotional common sense, but it’s probably easy to ignore some of these principles at times.
We all do Jonathan! Myself included. 🙂
11. Stop putting pressure on yourself to be Happy
I agree in the US in particular it is all about me and what makes me happy. If we put our focus on others and off ourselves true happiness not just the feelies can occur
I just finished reading The Art of Living by Epictetus, and a lot of these points remind me of Stoicism. Giving up control and living a simple life in particular, remind me of Stoic philosophy. These things might make one calmer or more easygoing, but I’m not sure that any of these will necessarily lead to more happiness. And I had always associated generosity, connectivity, and personal growth and development with happiness.
I think happiness might look different to different people. Do what makes you happy and stop doing the things that detract from it. 🙂
While I agree that this is a path to discovering yourself – I don’t think these things make you necessarily feel happy. Relief and weight off your shoulders defiantly but if you are on the road to discovering yourself – happiness is more than your principles. In my pursuit of happiness I think discovering what makes you truly happy is the hardest part. We spend a large quantity of time being busy with various intrigues that our pursuit of happiness can be lost. When we do make time for it as I do, I have still not discovered what it… Read more »
Great piece Tamara.
Is it possible to have an “X” against all the pointers above?
If so, I guess i have my work cut out.
Well here goes to making better choices.
Thanks
These are all great habits to culture in the pursuit of happiness, but let’s be realistic: no one can be truly happy 100% of the time. I’ve independently striven to achieve most of these, with significant success, but “Happy” doesn’t even come close to the list of words that would describe me. Compassionate, Empathetic, Curious, Imaginative, Distractable, and somewhere down the list Happy (sometimes). Honestly, it’s those first two I listed that result in the most negative impact on my happiness. How does one remain happy in the face of tragedy, feeling simultaneously a moral imperative and a powerlessness to… Read more »
Michael, thank you for commenting. In the end, I believe contentment is the same thing as happiness. Semantics perhaps…. Interestingly enough, when you ask “How does one remain happy in the face of tragedy, feeling simultaneously a moral imperative and a powerlessness to improve the situation”, it brings to mind the exact moment that I realized happiness is a choice. My life had fallen apart on every level…I was sued and left penniless (literally), I lost a baby, 2 pets died in my arms, my health plummeted seriously and I lost my relationship~in a 4 week period. In 30 days… Read more »
I agree, Tamara. I think when we go through those difficult times, we’re faced with that choice to get back up or just wallow, and we learn that happiness isn’t necessarily a giant smile on your face all day—it’s inner peace.
I consider myself happy 100% of the time, but as the author says, it is semantics…am I happy when my kids are working my last nerve? Aggravated maybe, but happy that I have a loving, active family. Am I happy when I get up at the crack of dawn to go to work? I’d much rather sleep in, but happy that I have a job I love that keeps me challenged and gives me the means to put food on the table. Am I happy when I see all the conflict and strife in the world? Saddened by what I… Read more »
Michael, Like Tamara, I noticed this part of your post in particular:
I think the answer is in her original post:
Tamara you have hit the nail on the head. I am almost 50 and still working on a couple of your suggestions. But happiness is a choice and I agree, many people wouldn’t know happiness if it hit them in the face! I am happy every day because I want to be. Enjoy your weekend!
Hmm, I seem to have all these down pat all ready. Well now if anyone asks (like my mother has) why I am happy all the time, I can point to this for reference.
Lee, I’d love to hear your perspective…If you’re truly happy all the time, and I’ve never met someone who is, I’d seriously love to hear your perspective. I do believe happiness is a choice, after having been personally down on my knees a few times in life with nothing outwardly to be happy about, I realized in those dark moments that I could find it inside over the silliest of things. Then I forget, fall down and repeat again. Happiness is an exercise for sure. Thank you for writing. This is my first post for the Good Men Project, really… Read more »
I was going to say the same thing Lee K. I am perpetually happy and not much derails that and certainly not for long. The reason? I choose it and in choosing it, have done all of the things that are listed in this article.