James Elliot’s tastes have matured along with him. Here, he talks about what’s so sexy about women his own age.
Okay first there was this:
7 Things I Find Attractive in Women now that I’m 30
Yes, idiotic I know. But generated a lot of discussion and finally resulted in this:
7 Things I Find Sexy In Men Now That I’m 40
A little more thoughtful, I suppose. But still not anything I can relate to. I’m Straight. Married. Madly in love. So maybe these lists apply only to singles looking for … something.
Here are the 7 things I find attractive and sexy in a woman, now that I am 50:
1) What you see is what you get. Here I am referring, of course, to plastic surgery. There is nothing more beautiful, and attractive, in my humble opinion than a woman who is aging into her natural self, without botox and implants and tucks and lifts. Real is sexier than artificial.
2) A Great Mom. There is no bigger turn-on to me than watching my wife with my kids and seeing the unconditional love in her eyes and the shining adoration that she gets back from them.
3) Toughness. It might not sound lady-like but a woman who is willing to fight, hard, for her point of view wins me over. My wife happens to be Italian and a lawyer so you say she is a lock for going toe-to-toe with me. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
4) Fun. In the end life is about enjoying. If you can’t laugh with the woman you are in bed with than not much else is going to work out. If she likes to dance on tables and tell dirty jokes all the better. I seem to have hit the jackpot on this one too. My wife does all those things, and a lot more that I’m not going to get into here.
5) Soulful. I read somewhere that you can see into a person’s soul in their eyes. I believe that is true. Some people have dead eyes. Others you seem to be able to see something deep inside that is completely non-verbal, something that touches your heart every time you take the time to look. My wife has these deep blue eyes that sparkle in a particular way that I noticed the very first time we met. It is the physical attribute I cherish the most about her. And she has plenty of attributes.
6) Adventure. I am a risk-taker by nature in my professional life, but in my personal life I can be a bit of a lazy bastard. Left to my own devices I might crawl into my man cave and never come out. So sometimes I need a little encouragement to get out to a crazy-sounding event or to take a trip half way around the globe to visit some mind expanding place that I would never have gone on on my own.
7) Touch. It may sound stupid, but there are some people who just feel right in your arms. Their touch, the feeling of their skin against yours, is like heaven. All worry disappears. You sleep soundly. Your mind goes blank. All you can think about it that this is a good thing.
That’s my list. And that’s my wife. I am one lucky dude.
Photo— |Mahin|/Flickr
About jameselliot
Love this list! And for what it’s worth, I can’t speak for TR Slyder, but my list wasn’t intended to “apply” to anyone other than me personally! And I’m a single (divorced) 40-something woman with a life full of amazing connections…and always looking to deepen them and to explore new ones, but I don’t experience it like I’m looking “for” anything.
I love your list, and I love how your love for your wife shines though it. And I especially love your #6 and #7!
One theme that seems to weave through all three of our posts is that as we get older, we get more and more real with ourselves about what we want and what really matters to us, and more and more committed to being met authentically by the people closest to us.
I’d love to see a 50 year old woman’s list of things she appreciates in men, and 60 year old lists, and beyond, and I’d love to see a few same-sex lists, too!
Jessica thanks for the kind words and agree whole-heartedly in terms of getting real. The nonsense fades away. Sorry for the title. All fixed now.
The only thing I think you left out (and I am speaking from personal experience now), is bravery. My wife is immeasurebably braver than any 20 or 30 something I ever knew, male or female.
I like the list.
Teriffic article! Everything on your list hits home for me. Especially #7, I’ve enjoyed that one for a very long time and hope to continue to enjoy it for a while longer.
I will add one to your awesome list (for me).
Showing thru actions that she will never look for a scapegoat.
IOW, when she does something that is ‘wrong’ (subjective word warning) she doesn’t look around for someone(or thing) to blame.
James, it’s really soul-warming (not just heart-warming) to hear you talk about what is wonderful about women your own age. It gives us other women something to aspire to as we grow older ourselves. Instead of installing fear in our hearts about the things we are often told we loose.
Yes, this is a nice antidote to the “ruined tits” article brouhaha from awhile back.
And look how much press that article got vs. this one so far. A lot of guys where more eager to spread the love about “ruined tits” then encourage women more positively like this article does….’tis interesting is all. Maybe I am being a bit harsh but these positive kind of things seem to get less attention all around.
This is awesome! True beauty is so much more than physical features.
Thanks for this wonderful reminder!
@spreadingJOY
How dare you objectify women by reducing them to a set of features.
Kidding, but this is what many feminists seem to be saying.
“What you see is what you get”, “Great Mom, “souful”….are a big different from “great tits, nice ass, young, hot.” Bob-O
Yeah, I can’t see how these are connected whatsoever.
Hardly. Calling someone a “great mom” is objectification. You just seem to take issue with sexual objectification. That’s fine, but it indicates that you have a problem with sexuality not objectification.
No Jimmy, just because someone doesn’t want to be sexualy objectified doesn’t mean they have a problem with their sexuality.
Also, can you explain to me how saying someone is a “great mom” (or dad), objectifies them?
And even if it does, which I fail to see, are all objectifications created the same where saying someone has great boobs is equal to saying they are a great mom based on the actions someone sees them live everyday?
“Can you explain to me how saying someone is a “great mom” (or dad), objectifies them?”
By calling someone “a great mom” you are referring to them only as a utility, an instrument that raises children. You are reducing them to a single object, a mom. That’s called objectifying.
“are all objectifications created the same where saying someone has great boobs is equal to saying they are a great mom based on the actions someone sees them live everyday?”
How you want to value different objectifications is up to you. If you want to say some are ok and some aren’t, that’s fine. But you don’t get to call the ones you don’t like “objectifying” and claim the ones you do like aren’t.
“No Jimmy, just because someone doesn’t want to be sexualy objectified doesn’t mean they have a problem with their sexuality.”
If someone has no problem with objectifying people, but does have a problem with sexually objectifying people, then yes, they do have a problem with their sexuality.
Any time you refer to someone as a utility, whether you think you’re complimenting them or not, you’re objectifying them. If you think that’s wrong, fine then don’t do it. If you think it’s only wrong to refer to someone as a *sexual* object then fine, but then your problem is purely sexual and not with objectifying at all.
Calling someone a great mom is not objectification. Raising children is work, serious work, and if more people respected it the status of women would be much higher.
I love the list, James. Now let’s hear one from her about what she finds attractive in a man.
“Calling someone a great mom is not objectification. Raising children is work, serious work, and if more people respected it the status of women would be much higher. ”
This argument makes no sense. You are saying that because raising children is difficult, referring to someone as a utility that raises children is not objectification.
You don’t seem to understand what the word means.
Let’s put it this way Jimmy:
If I said “that person is a brilliant doctor,” is that objectification? What about “that person is an amazing friend” or “that person is an exceptionally skilled dancer”? They’re all social roles that take both innate skill and practice, same as being an excellent parent, and could be the cause of someone finding someone else attractive.
There’s a difference between appreciating someone for personality traits or social roles that they have cultivated over a life well lived, and body parts that do not contribute one way or the other to their worth as a moral person capable of helping and caring for those whom they love.
Terrific “list” – You and your wife are fortunate to have such a wonderful partnership. May your love continue to bloom in the coming years.
I remember I was in my late 20s when I first found a woman who had kids attractive. It was quite a shock to me as I wouldn’t become a father for a couple more years but the sight of a woman loving her kids was enormously attractive. Now that I’m almost 50 (I will be this year) I still find the sight of a woman who loves her kids very appealing.
All of the other things on this list are spot on for m except that maybe a well done nip and tuck isn’t all bad. I’ll take a neck lift on myself tomorrow if I could afford it and I know my wife would, too.
That being said, I’ve been with my wife for 32 years and I’ve seen it all and she can say the same about me. Now if I can just get her to take #6 to heart…
Oh my goodness, I hope my husband-to-be feels the same way about me as you do about your wife when we are 50.
Ohhh…I loved this. Made me tear up. Thanks for writing it.